Open About My JW Past/Present

EmptyInside

I think it's hard to share with new people in life,being raised a Witness. I never know when and if to bring it up. Now,just acquaintances,I don't usually talk about it.

But,with people,especially someone I may consider being in a relationship with,it's difficult to know the right time. It's mainly fear of being judged.

Well,I kind of accidentally brought it up tonight. I was talking about my family and how I used to chaperone my brothers on their dates. He thought this was quite odd,of course,lol. So,I just blurted out it was required by our religion. And of course,he had to ask what religion. I said ,um,a strict one. But,then,said Jehovah's Witnesses. I was relieved he took it all in stride. But,I refrained from going into too much detail.

I figure,share little by little as things come up. I guess I have to get over sharing my past. It's a part of me whether I like it or not. And it's not easy letting others in,without sharing that part of me.

And yes,it's a new man. It's still too soon to see how it goes,but I really like him and his opinion counts. So,that's why I was more nervous sharing my past with him.

I posted this,because,I've noticed others feel the same way. And it's seems to be especially a problem for singles when they start dating someone new. Well,it appears sometimes,you will bring up something so foreign,like chaperones,that you"ll just have to explain.

jamiebowers

Knowing the funny, intelligent sweet young woman that you are, despite being raised in a cult, I don't think you have to worry about your jw past. If, by chance, it's a turn off for some guy, he isn't worth your tme and attention anyway.

Niveau

I think sharing things little by little is a good plan. It worked well for me, though how much of that is because of my boyfriend and how much is because it's a good method is hard to say. He left a religion he'd once truly believed in, so he's got a good background for understanding my position.

My bf and I became very close friends before we started dating, and fairly early on, he noticed my blood card in my wallet and asked about it. (These days I have my driver's license covering it, but, as it's not possible for me to be anything more than mentally out at the moment (I live with my parents, among other issues) I have to keep it around.) I mentioned that I was a JW and left it there. As we got closer, it'd occasionally come up, and I'd explain as far as I felt comfortable before telling him I couldn't handle talking about it anymore. It eventually all came out after we started dating, and he began doing research so as to understand what I was going through better. There's actually a decent chance he'll end up reading this post at some point...

Sharing has gotten so much easier over time, but I still sometimes need to hear him say that he doesn't judge me for what I used to believe. I want him to think well of me, and telling him about the stuff that I judge myself for having once believed in and been a part of can be really tough. I was so nervous at first, but he always reacted well, and that really helped me open up as time went by.

All I can say to you, based on my own experience, is that if he's worth it, he'll be okay with you taking the time you need to open up about it, and he'll understand that, while your past is a part of you, it's exactly that: your past, not your present or your future.

hemp lover

It's always hard to open up with someone new and especially so if you have a totally weird upbringing/background that's embarrassing to share. In my own personal dating experience, I've found that people are usually fascinated in an almost anthropological (lol) way about what it was like to be raised in a crazy religion. Just be open and honest and acknowledge that you were raised with a totally different aspect of life than most people are accustomed to hearing about.

Our stories are unique and honestly, can be pretty damn funny in a way. We couldn't buy Count Chocula cereal because vampires are demonized! We couldn't watch Bewitched because Darren is the devil! The people I've been involved with, once I decided to open to them, have been very receptive, sympathetic and genuinely interested in hearing my stories. Let's face it - statistically speaking, there are few people on the planet who have been through what we have. We're special

Nambo

Whilst I dont have relationships, I do still read the Bible and have conversations with many people about it.

People are quite open and interested to listen, unless I reveal I used to be a Witness, if I do then every thing that subsequently comes out of my mouth would be disregarded as Witness beliefs and so my power of communication would become null and void, so if anybody asks me what religion I was in, I truthfully answer, "well, when I was a kid, I used to be in the Church of England.

I really dont know why the Witnesses bother to witness anymore, the dead horse is sick of being flogged.

Kojack57

Emptyinside: It's always better to be honest up front in any relationship that you want to proceed with. When I was dating my second wife who is a baptist I told her I had something to tell her and she looked at me like OH GOD WHAT IS HE GOING TO SAY, so I said I'm an inactive and fading J.W. and she said is that it, I said yes, and she laughed and said that's not a problem. I was relieved because she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

J-dubs think that you have to marry someone in your religion to be happy, but that is NOT the key to a happy marriage, you have to have more in common, likes and dislikes, recreation, money matters, education. I've learned that when it comes to money it's not YOUR money or MY money but it's OUR MONEY and you discuss everything. That's how it works folks!!

Be happy and don't let anyone or any CULT get in your way from attaining it.

Kojack