Romney Jokes

by Bangalore 5 Replies latest social humour

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  Bangalore

  "Mitt Romney believes that marriage should be between one man and one woman. Which is better than his grandfather, who believed that it should be between one man and five women." -Jimmy Kimmel

  "Today Mitt Romney visited a firehouse here in New York City. Of course, he was disappointed when he learned that the firehouse is not where you get to fire people." -Jimmy Fallon

  "Mitt Romney says he understands the middle class, and that he knows it's not easy keeping a roof over your family's heads - as well as vacation roofs in San Diego, New Hampshire, and Park City, Utah." -Jay Leno

  "First Mitt won Iowa, then he lost Iowa? That's a classic Romney flip-flop." -Stephen Colbert

  "Apparently a large branch of Mitt Romney's family lives in Mexico. ... His grandfather in the late 1800s moved his whole family to Mexico to avoid being prosecuted for polygamy. ... Mitt can use that to show that he's tough on immigration. His family kicked themselves out of the country." -Jimmy Kimmel

  "Experts are predicting that in the first Republican debate, Mitt Romney will face his fiercest ideological opponent: himself from four years ago." -Conan O'Brien

  Bangalore
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  UnConfused
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  designs

  Mitt Romney calling on German Chancelor Merkel knock knock hello hello 'I''ll put her down as a Not At Home'.
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  kurtbethel

  "In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court ruled President Obama's healthcare mandate is constitutional. This is a major victory for President Obama, who spent three years promoting it, and a major setback for Mitt Romney, who spent three years creating it." -Jay Leno

  "Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions."

  ''I think Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin would be the perfect ticket. She can't answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question.'' —Jay Leno

  "Mitt Romney has announced he's running for president in 2012. At the same time, he's announced he'll try again in 2016." —Stephen Colbert
  
  
  "Well, the presidential race is getting interesting. In an effort to clear up his reputation as a flip-flopper, Mitt Romney will give a speech on health care. And then, right afterward, he'll give a five-minute rebuttal." —Jay Leno

  "No! Not Captain Buzzkill! Not the guy who looks like everyone who ever fired your dad! He's gonna suck all the fun right out of this crazy thing. Just look at the online video announcing his run. It looks like it could double as an ad for erectile dysfunction pills. 'Mitt Romney: for when the moment's right.'" —Jon Stewart on Mitt Romney running for president

  "Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership.... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial." —David Letterman

  
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  Carl8119
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  kurtbethel

  Yeah. I think that Gul Dukat one might be racist. But I don't care. There have been no Cardassians complaining about being compared to Romney yet.