Question for xjw parents of youngsters........

flower

I'm in need of advice or just other opinions or experiences. This is kinda directed to xjw's who have spent their whole lives in the org and had to leave lifelong friends and family behind when they left. Especially, single parents..if there are any others out there I'd like to hear from you.

My question has to do with what system you have in place to make sure of your childs future in the event of something happening to you. Meaning who is have you listed as your childs legal guardian should you die tomorrow.

I know that sounds scary but its something I still think about. I always just automatically figured that my son would live with and be raised by my family if anything happened to me. But now I would do anything in my power to prevent him from having the kind of life I did in that org. The non-jw part of my family unfortunately is almost as bad with their drugs and mental problems and I dont feel comfortable enough with any of them to ask something so important. And I am starting all over with making friendships with people 'in the world' and it would be a long while before I knew someone well enough to even think about asking them and even then theres a good chance circumstances or personality or whatever would make them an unsuitable choice.

So what do you do? If I dont have something legal in place my family will automatically get him if something happens and I really dont want that. This has always bothered me but now it is really starting to worry me because I'm going for a gallbladder ultrasound and my doctor says it might have to come out. Any surgery is risky and I would feel a lot better going in if I knew that my son would grow up happy and healthy if I dont wake up.

comments? personal experiences?

flower

bttt in case anyone has any ideas?

Scully

I understand completely where you're coming from, flower.

If you're going to write a will, you will have to specify that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you want him raised as a Jehovah's Witness. You do not have to defend your decision to anyone, and the judge (should you pass on and your son requires guardianship) will respect your wishes. There are non-JW relatives, and you say that their lifestyle is not the kind of environment you'd want for your son either, and that's fair too. I think you're beginning to see the kinds of dilemmas that arise when we xJW adults neglect our own need for friendship and socialization and focus mainly on our children. It's very important for you to get involved in your community, make friends of your own (maybe a single mothers' group?) so you can start building trusting relationships with other people again. I'm fortunate to have a married brother who never became a JW, and he's agreed to be my children's guardian should anything ever happen to my husband and me. My husband also has non-JW relatives who would be glad to do the same.

Personally, I hope someday you'll meet a great guy who treats you like a queen, and will think of your son as his own. This is the kind of person who ideally should have the privilege of raising your son.

Love, Scully

Shimmer

flower,

My husband and I were just discussing that dilemna recently. We still haven't come up with a solution. But I'm thinking of asking my childhood friend to raise my kids, should anything happen to both of us. Oddly enough this friend of mine was raised a witness, her mom was a pioneer. When we were in high school her mom stopped going to meetings and da'd herself. At the time I thought how horrible that was, but now of course...... My friend and her husband have been married for 18 years and have two sons who they do an excellant job of raising. I know that it will really piss our families off if we tell them what our plans are, so I'm probably not going to tell them, just let them deal with it if it were to happen. I know that's a copout, but I just don't think I could deal with the backlash.

Shimmer

Maybe being oneself is alway an acquired taste.-----PATRICIA HAMPL

Beck_Melbourne

Scully is right Flower...you need to specify who you want to act as caregivers for your son...that means eliminating who you don't want.

I'm like you, all my family are in the borg except one brother....however my kids are old enough now to decide what they want and which path they choose to take. Their father is still in the borg...so if anything happens to me, they will go directly to him. His borg influence is no longer effective...so it really isnt a problem for me, but I can see how tricky it can be if you're kids are still little and if you've only got JW relatives.

I guess I would want my kids to go to someone who loves them...whether JW or not. But thats just me Flower...doesn't mean to say it is right for you aye.

My thoughts.

Beck

alamb

My will states the children go to my childhood friend also. And that is written in stone.

flower

Thanks Scully I know you are right just worried about 'right now'.

Shimmer thanks I dont think I'll be telling my family either and hopefully they will never have to find out.

safe4kids

I would come back from the grave to prevent my family getting their hands on my children!! Fortunately, I don't have to worry about that. I'm divorced and the kids live with me, but their dad (my ex) is really a pretty good guy and he, of course, would get them if anything happened to me. He's never been a JW and never will be, after having been thru all the sh*t with me, so no worries on that scale. Also, my sister is out and loves my munchkins very much, so that's always been a relief to me.

Good idea to figure it all out and get it down in writing, legally, Flower. Most likely, all will be well and you will live to see your great grandchildren all clustered around their favorite grandma . Wise not to leave too much to chance, tho.

Dana

Question for xjw parents of youngsters........

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