I was born into a family already some generations into Jehovah's organization. From the time I was four years old I can remember my birthday being no more significant than me turning four years old. Later I saw the significanse of it when my classmates had their birthdays, but I knew it was wrong. I grew up as a Jehovahs witness and got told that I was much smarter than most adults, since I knew the truth. I felt blessed in knowing the truth.
My father was never religious although he was raised as a muslim. At my age of seven, we moved away from most of my extended family. I witnessed that my mother started smoking, and I could not look at her the same way I had looked at her before. I was heartbroken. My life got turned upside down. To me, smoking was a serious sin, and something that my god Jehovah would not easily forget. We had our moments going to our local kingdom hall. I had been encouraged by my extended family to make sure my family did that. What a burden to lay the responsibility of life and death on a nine year old kid.
My grandmother, a devout christian would never let me forget about my christian upbringing. About then my father started telling me about religion being a blindfold. He told me alot about the wrongdoings of the religion, but my grandmother kept me in the dark and told his views were part of Satans work. Of course I believed her, and she kept encouraging me to preach to my father. But the things my father had told me never left my mind. At High school I had a very good teacher, teaching me about scientific reasoning and how you can not interpret the bible literally. Slowly I began to think about all the questions from my earlier years. Suddenly, for the first time in my life I could understand life. I could find answers with logical reasoning. I had answers that made me realize the meaning of life here and now.
I soon had to confront the fact that I wasn't able to live forever in a paradise, but somehow it didn't matter. I had what I had always been looking for, answers that were logic to me. Slowly the things my father had told me made sense to me. I started having constructive discussions with my father, and I believe we teached eachother about what life is. Today the talks have moved onwards to politics but I will never forget the freedom it gave to me. I could actually talk about things that made sense to me.
I one day gathered enough courage to talk to my mother about my views. I believe that she is now an atheist and free from the worries about an armageddon. She still isn't disfellowshipped and regulary talks to my grandmother on the phone. My biggest hope is that one day my extended family will see the truth about this cult, and all the unnecessary troubles that follows with it. All that matters is family, and I hope we will be united in the future without having to lie about our beliefs
- Matsimus