I got distracted by Borderlands 2 for awhile, but this was just too good to pass up. Another YPA article just begging for some kind soul to put it in perspective with liberal amounts of sarcasm, snarkiness, and general wiseassery. Hope you enjoy (and there's more here if you do)
YOUNG PEOPLE ASK
What is a real man?
"My father died when I was three years old. Sometimes I feel envious of boys who grew up with a father in their life. They seem to be a lot more confident than I am."-Alex.*
*Some names in this article have been changed.I'm going to go out on a limb and say that some realities in this article have been changed as well. No reason, just sayin.
"My relationship with my father is minimal. I've had to learn on my own what it means to be a real man."
-Jonathan.
Come on, admit it. You want to say that he learned how to be a real man off THE INTERNET, don't you. And then he grew up to become a sex-crazed, drug addicted ATHEIST! Admit it. You really want to go there.
CAN you relate to the statements of the young men quoted above?
Sorry, my father was killed by a roving band of pirate clowns and my mother is a Jehovah's Witness. That's why I've become an atheist with a phobia of carnivals. You know who my dad is? A concrete block that I adopted and named "Papa". So no, I can't really relate, and thanks sooooooo much for reopening that old wound. I really appreciate it.
Do you fear, for one reason or another, that you'll never learn what it means to be a real man? If so, don't despair!
Not as much as I'm afraid of clowns.
Consider how you can overcome two common challenges.
Are these challenges hosted by Chef Ramsay? Because I'd rock at that blind taste test thing...
CHALLENGE 1: Popular misconceptions about manhood
Actually, there is a popular misconception about my manhood that I'd like to clear up. Legend has it that I have a 19 inch prehensile member that I use to hold my coffee while I type. That's entirely untrue. I actually drink tea.
What some people say:
-Real men are tough; they don't cry.
So sayeth Chuck Norris (Walker, Texas Ranger).
-Real men don't let anyone tell them what to do.So sayeth Clint Eastwood. (Dirty Harry)
-Men are better than women.So sayeth the Apostle Paul. (1 Tim. 2:11-12)
Another way to look at it: Manhood is the opposite of boyhood-not the opposite of womanhood. You become a real man when you leave behind the traits of a child. The Christian apostle Paul wrote: "When I was a babe, I used to speak as a babe, to think as a babe, to reason as a babe; but now that I have become a man, I have done away with the traits of a babe." (1 Corinthians 13:11) In other words, the more you replace childish ways of thinking, speaking, and acting with mature ways of thinking, speaking, and acting, the more you prove yourself to be a real man.*
* See the box "Boy Versus Man."When I was a kid I used to believe in imaginary friends, but now that I've become an adult, I have done away with foolish things and, you know, started to think rationally...
Try this: On a sheet of paper, write down your answers to the following questions:
1. In what areas have I already made progress in putting away "the traits of a babe"?Like I said, one big thing was deciding that it didn't make much sense to make my decisions based on a 2000 year old+ collection of mythology.
2. In what areas can I improve?I could become an astronaut. Or a pirate. Or a pirate astronaut, that'd show those clown bastards.
Suggested reading: Luke 7:36-50. See how Jesus proved himself to be a real man by (1) standing up for what was right and (2) treating others-including women-with respect.
Really entertaining account there in Luke. Jesus goes to dinner at the house of a Pharisee. As he's digging in, a prostitute wanders in, cries on his feet, wipes them off with her hair, kisses them and then slathers them in perfumed oil. This wasn't someone that was invited to dinner, mind you, just some hooker that barges in off the street. As this is going on, the Pharisee is thinking to himself "Doesn't Jesus know that this chick bangs guys for cash?" That's the issue in his mind. Not the fact that some local call girl just crashed the party and started sobbing on the feet of his guest of honor, it's the fact that Jesus doesn't seem to mind. Apparently prostitutes wandering in off the street wasn't that uncommon. That's what you call a party town.
"I admire my friend, Ken. He is a strong man - physically, emotionally, and spiritually - but also a kind man. His example has taught me that a real man doesn't put other people down just to raise himself up."-Jonathan.
Read that again and then let's look at the behavior of Our Father (capital letters) and see how God behaves in that arena (And this is just in one book of the bible):
Exod. 12:12 - And I must pass through the land of Egypt on this night and strike every firstborn in the land of Egypt, from man to beast; and on all the gods of Egypt I shall execute judgments. I am Jehovah.
Exod. 15:11 - Who among the gods is like you, O Jehovah? Who is like you, proving yourself mighty in holiness? The One to be feared with songs of praise, the One doing marvels.
Exod. 20:2-3 - "I am Jehovah your God, who have brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slaves. You must not have any other gods against my face
CHALLENGE 2: Lack of a wholesome father figureThink what it'd be like to have a father that embodied the aspects of Jehovah. Killing the firstborn of Egypt, burning people alive because they believe in other gods ... it'd be like your Dad being Conan the Barbarian. On speed and PCP.
"Hey Dad, what are we going to do this afternoon?"
"Well, son, we're going to crush our enemies, see them driven before us and hear the lamentations of their women. Then we're going fishing."
What some people say:
-If your father isn't in the picture, you'll never really learn what it means to be a man.It's important to have a good father figure. Like Timothy - he had Paul, and who wouldn't want an apostle as a father figure? Possibly someone who doesn't want your apostle father figure grabbing your junk and circumcising you before sending you off to preach to the heathens. You know what, my concrete block Papa is a lot less overbearing.
-If your father set a poor example, you're doomed to repeat his mistakes.I'm too lazy to check to see if there's any evidence that Timothy included free circumcisions in his preaching mission, but I wouldn't be surprised. Imagine that revival tent.
Another way to look at it: Even if you've had a less-than-ideal childhood, you are not doomed to fail! You can rise above your circumstances. (2 Corinthians 10:4) You can choose to follow King David's advice to his son Solomon: "Be strong and prove yourself to be a man."-1 Kings 2:2.Wow. David and Solomon? Really? You're holding up the advice of a murdering philanderer to his son, the polygamist tyrant?
Admittedly, it can be difficult to grow up with an inattentive father-or no father at all. "Not knowing your father is a huge disadvantage in life," says Alex, quoted at the outset. "I'm 25, but I feel as if I'm just now learning things that I should have learned in my early teens." If you feel similar to the way Alex does, what can you do about it?I donno, be really embarrassed that you're confessing this sort of thing to a total stranger, maybe?
Try this: Find a mentor-someone who sets a good example as a man.* Ask him which qualities he believes are especially important in a real man. Then ask him how you can develop those qualities in yourself.-Proverbs 1:5.
* Elders in the Christian congregation can be good mentors.
The elders in my old congregation included a self-righteous lawyer who was convinced he was one of the Anointed, a jackass who was only interested in putting people down, and an old guy who couldn't remember your name half the time. Thanks, but I'll pass and stick with my concrete block for now.
Suggested reading: Proverbs chapters 1-9. Notice the fatherly advice that can help a boy to grow into a wise, spiritual man.Here's a great quote from that: "The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of knowledge". Sounds a lot better than "Research, analyze, and apply critical thought" doesn't it.
"I'm proud of the man I'm becoming. Although I wish my father had been a part of my progress, I'm optimistic about the future. I'm convinced that I am not doomed to fail." - Jonathan.
Jonathan, I hope your father wasn't killed by clowns too, but if he was than look me up and I'll buy you a beer.
Ian - Being a man means not only that you carry yourself in a masculine way but also that you're willing to work hard, control your emotions, and take responsibility for your actions.I'll let you in on a little secret. It also means that you can drink and buy porn, which is awesome.
BOY VERSUS MAN
A child can often be ...
- rude.
- self-centered.
- focused on having fun.
- ruled by his emotions.Not to mention that they smell like old cabbage. All of which goes into why I have pets instead.
A real man endeavors to be . . .
- respectful. - Romans 12:10.
- self-sacrificing. - 1 Corinthians 10:24.
- responsible. - Galatians 6:5.
- in control of his emotions. - Proverbs 16:32.Two words. Beer. Porn. Best parts of being a man. They almost make you forget about the whole taxes thing.
WHY NOT ASK YOUR PARENTS?
What, do you think, defines a real man? How am I doing when it comes to maturity?I wish I could, but the clowns...oh god the clowns...WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?
A NOTE TO PARENTS
FATHERS - To a large extent, your son will base his definition of what it means to be a man on your example. If you treat your wife with respect, you are teaching your son to treat women with respect. If you work hard to provide for your family-even if doing so requires doing menial or tiring work-you are teaching your son to work hard and to be responsible.-1 Timothy 5:8.
Perhaps your relationship with your own father was less than ideal. Maybe your father didn't have a good relationship with his father. But remember: You have a chance to break the cycle. Don't waste that opportunity! Choose to stay close to your son. Set a good example for him, and he may well grow up to be a real man-a man whom you will be proud to call your son.-Proverbs 23:24.They're really banging on this whole "missing father" thing. Is it really that common, I wonder?
MOTHERS - How can you help your son grow to be a real man? Avoid making unfavorable comparisons to your husband. Suppose, for example, that your son makes a mistake that reminds you of your husband. You might be tempted to blurt out: "Stop that! You're being just like your father!" Granted, you are right to counsel your son for his mistake. But remember: If your words or actions imply that everything your husband does is wrong, you may unwittingly hinder your son's growth into manhood.Now it's making a little more sense. Maybe all the fathers are missing because they all got married to harpies.
Support your husband's involvement in his son's life. Encourage them to spend time together, and look for opportunities to highlight your husband's positive qualities and the good things that he does. Does he work hard to provide for the family? Does he spend time with his children? Does he treat others with respect? Let your son know how much you appreciate those things. Such comments will help your son to learn from the good aspects of his father's example.All these things are so much easier with a concrete block Papa. For example, Papa and I recently went out and he jumped up and down on the head of a local party clown and it made him very, very happy. We're going to visit a mime next week. True story.