"Friends"

XBEHERE

What can you say about the conditional friendships that being a Jehovah's Witness promotes? I am still active and there are many who sh*t on me and tossed me aside because of my attitude change. To me it just seems too easy for these people to turn on and off affection. It really makes me believe that its all forced.

The WT promotes agape love (based on principle) not the real affectionate, care and love (philia). So with agape I guess they understand that to mean if you dont continue to follow bible (FDS) principles then JWs are allowed to treat you different or cut you off. It is really hypocritical and disgusting that they claim that they show real concern for each other when in reality its a coerced, forced "love" based on their principles.

LouBelle

I was rather popular in the faith and was always organising parties, doos, picnics, you name it. I had many many "friends" in the faith. I believed that these people really loved me and cared for me. As soon as they heard that I was questioning the faith it was like I had the plague. A "good friend" said, "I don't want you to influence my young children, I don't want to be blood guilty. You underderstand? We won't talke again" That was over the phone and before I even got DFed.

Not one came around to visit me or try reason with me. NOT ONE.

So I show the middle finger to those conditional friends and now have a few real friends that I truly treasure.

They teach there are various loves, but any love that has conditions attached, well simply isn't love. They could never practise what they spew out!!! Would they really die for their fellow brothers, do they really care about the masses, do they want to honestly impart life saving truths. hmmm, you just have to see how they react when questioned on their faith. Defensive, bitter and sometimes down right nasty....love? kindness? nah, they do not practise those fruitages.

XBEHERE

So annoying isnt it. These people treat you different if you miss too many meetings or don't go out in service every week. God forbid you say something questionable about the org... you will be labeled a "bad attitude" like I obviously have been.

tresdecu

I was very sad when I slowely realized over the course of about a year and 1/2 (from time I stepped down as MS to being slightly irregular, missing Meetings and Service) that everyone around you (99% at least) are just conditional friends. All this love and 'spiritual family' talk amounts to nothing.

I can't blame the "bros & Sisters" because I had the same mindset for so long...it's the crazy culture & mindset that has been promoted and ingrained in so many.

I am still physically in the Org, so it makes it even harded to go to meetings, shake hands, make friendly small talk all the while knowing these people don't really care...and would turn around in disgust if they knew how I felt now.

Scully

LouBelle wrote:

Not one came around to visit me or try reason with me. NOT ONE.

I had the exact same thing happen to me, except I never even had the courtesy of an explanation. Not even my own JW family members - my parents and siblings - attempted to steer me back. They were extremely quick to write me off as a lost cause.

It kind of gives the "no natural affection" thing a whole new dimension.

LostGeneration

I attribute a lot of it to the FEAR that the WTS inculcates (I hate that word BTW) in the sheep. They are literally scared of their own shadow.

ANYTHING outside of the box is frowned upon, from movies to music to "critical thinking", which in fact is what they are absolutely in fear of the most.

There are a few here and there that do really care, but I would put their number at 10% or less.

Sauerkraut

LostGeneration has an excellent point. JWs are controled by fear, they don't even know it. Now that I'm fading I see how much fear has been "inculcated" into me. There are some Witnesses who genuinely care and have love, who will be good friends, but many are the out of sight out of mind type. You only exist in their world if you're regularly at meetings and in service. They tend to stay away from "weak" ones. It's quite the opposite of what they teach, but they can easily justify these things. The foremost friendship and loyalty belongs to the Organization. Everything else is conditional.

grumblecakes

whats i find weird is when i try to put myself in their shoes, thinking back to a time when i was "strong" and i imagine one of them missing meetings, i cant see myself avoiding them or quietly refusing to hang out withthem anymore.

in fact, if they had stuck by me, still being my friends (socializing outside of meetings, talikng an interest in my life, ect) i probably never would of woke up and ended up on this site. i wouldnt have needed worldly friends, i wouldnt have moved on. deciding someone is bad association when they are just barely beginning to miss meeting kinda seals the deal and pushes them out.

funny how that works.

"Friends"

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