Children and inculcation

larc

The JWs teach that you must bring the children to meetings. They must be inculcated, and hear, read, and respond to what is good and bad. That is how I was raised in the religion. Now, let me contrast that with how my children were raised.

They never went to a Kingdom Hall or a Church. They were not preached at, at home. They simply observed mom and dad. As a result, they speak with good grammar. They are loving adults, with respect for themselves and for others. They never got tatooed, never had parts of their body pierced, and never got hooked on drugs. They didn't have to be told what was stupid, they seemed to have an intuitive sense about all this. So, it seems to me that what you teach is how you live, not what you say.

Any thoughts on this?

RationalWitness

I've often wondered if the Society's constant harping on the 'evil' things of the world wasn't actually counterproductive, ultimately making the proscribed activities actually more tempting than they otherwise would have been. As a psychologist, what do you think?

And, yes, I do agree with you: "Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other."--Edmund Burke, Letters on a Regicide Peace

Rational

chezza

Great point raised here, my kids are terrors and i mean that in the nicest possible way, they have grown up in the "truth" and i think that there are many many more worldy kids that behave better than them, and i think its because they have had rules rules and more rules, it makes them go wild.

cellomould

'Amen' to pragmatism, Larc!

That's a very good example you provided. Fear of punishment really does not work. I wish my parents would realize this and give up trying to control ever aspect of my 6 year old sister's life.

cellomould

"In other words, your God is the warden of a prison where the only prisoner is your God." Jose Saramago, The Gospel According to Jesus Christ

lv4fer

My kids have been raised in the truth. Although now I realize it really was a lie. They are good kids (17 & 13), we were never the pioneers or elders in the congegration just run of the mill publishers. I think my kids just followed my husbands and my example. So far so good, they aren't perfect but nobody is. They are a lot better than some of the other kids at our local KH.

speechless

Cellomould - you said, "fear of punishment really does not work..."

I totally disagree!

You can't let a young child live a life of anarchy while at home then let him/her into a structured society. Our modern society demands "fear" of punishment for purposely breaking a rule or law!

My wife and I have three young children. We make the rules and the resulting punishment for purposely breaking a rule. Our children are taught BOTH the rules and the punishments. Hence, the rulee (our children) is in "fear" of the ruler (mom and dad) due to potential punishment.

Social progress of humanity is never a result of anarchy! So what business does anarchy have in the family?

Tanalyst

Wise words Larc. Bet you,that you have gray hair.

Beck_Melbourne

Hi Larc

Ah yes...our kids...our blessings from Jehovah we used to call them. You are right Larc...I feel sorry for the JW kids of today...I was one in the 60's & 70's...and it was hard then. But its even harder today for kids growing up with all the do's and dont's.

I look at my 3 little monkeys and my son has the worst grammar...he is styling himself after JaRule or Dr Dre...someone I've never heard of but who's lyrics make me shudder (not to mention Lil Kim). My 17 year old is a Jennifer Lopez wannabe...with the clothes...hair style...even the backside to match *sheesh*...my youngest is 11...she is very focused...she is studious...loves education...is thriving academically...is the teachers pet and is always coming home with all sorts of sports awards....she is on school council and has the manners of a virtuous saint. Yet I love each and every one of them with all my heart and soul...no matter how they turn out.

They all make me proud in different ways...I'm proud of my son because he loves me and isn't ashamed to kiss me goodbye when I drop him off at school...I love my eldest daughter because she is beautiful inside as well as out...she isn't the brightest kid on the block...but she's got a good heart...and I love my youngest because of the cute things she says like "I'm so sorry I gave you stretchmarks mum"...now how cute is that!!!

I guess what I mean is...that I love my kids more as worldies then I did when we were all witnesses...because I am no longer trying to mould their lives or trying to make them conform to my way of thinking. I'm not smothering them with spiritual things...or burdening them with my own disappointments.

I have a wee story to share...my son was 6 yrs old...and we used to have the bookstudy at our house all those years ago. One day while I was getting the house set up...we couldn't find him. Eventually we found him in the backyard...he had climbed a tree and had snuggled onto the branch and had fallen asleep. I never thought much about it...but just the other day he told me why he'd climbed the tree that day. He said that he didn't want to go to the bookstudy anymore...and he thought he would hide away until it was finished. Then when it was over, he would come back down. My heart sank...and I thought to myself 'what have I done????'

He laughed about it and said he was always looking for ways to dodge the meetings...but at the time...I never knew...I was too busy trying to make all of my kids 'conform'.

I think parenting is all about balance...and I'm still struggling to find mine...from witness to worldly...where do the boundries begin and end?

Beck

Children and inculcation

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