Today I took a few minutes to do a extensive search of the web for ideas of how people have "enjoyed" playing with Jehovah's Witnesses and other religious solicitors when they come to their door. I found a few sites that were quite funny. Links and ideas follow...
1. How To Dodge Religious Solicitors, from The Door, a Christian magazine. http://www.positiveatheism.org/writ/door2door.htm
1. Listen for a minute or two with a polite but puzzled expression and then speak in a foreign language. Better yet, make one up. Brand names for electronic components serve as an excellent base for an impromptu language. I've found the following bit to be an excellent opener: "Fritzen mitsuba micht sony leam spartinza. Nakamichi shpont olufsen takamine. Cheloken eraza fleecht?"
2. Before you open the door, put on a pair of Groucho glasses and pour some Pine Sol in a coffee cup. Then atttempt to engage them in a serious debate, spreading Pine Sol fumes by blowing occasionally into the cup as if you are cooling it. See how long you can hold them. Try to remember not to drink out of the cup.
3. Pretend to be deaf. Point to your ears, shake your head, and make intricate movements with your fingers and hands. This can backfire if they happen to know sign language. In that case switch to being blind.
4. Interrupt every sentence with a long, rambling, and totally pointless story. Try to work in your latest medical difficulty, especially if it involved surgery or hemorrhoids. Other topics to touch on are flatulent dogs, copy-machine repairmen, spatulas, hypoallergenic deodorants, mah-johgg, asbestos, persistent nose hair, 900-number psychic lines, and genetically engineered vegetables. Extra points if you can get three or more of these topics into one sentence.
5. Tell them you are a druid. This is much more convincing if you live in an oak grove and paint yourself blue.
6. Ask them if they are from the health board about the hepatitis quarantine. Offer them a sip of your coffee.
7. Offer them $25 to talk to your neighbors instead. Give them the money in loose pennies.
8. Tell them you are not allowed to talk to strangers until the assault case has come to trial. More effective if you come to the door with a knife or baseball bat.
9. Insist that you graduated from high school with them. In an effort to jog their memory, recount various escapades you joined them in. Refuse to be dissuaded from this conviction. This is more effective if there is a dramatic difference in your ages.
10. Using a cordless phone, call someone you haven't talked to for a while. Then go to the door and make gestures like you'll only be a minute. See how long they stay. My best record is 10 minutes.
Here is an article that was directed towards salesmen but it can work well for dealing with dubs at your door as well
12 Things to Say to Door to Door Salesmen
http://www.puuba.com/features/random/salesmen.shtml
1) when you answer the door say, "Why hello. OH,OH NO! NOT NOW!!!" and fall down. start making convulsing noises and roll around. hopefully this should scare them off. if not stand up and act as though nothing happened.
2) when confronted ask them if they've seen your lost puppy and look sad. when she/he says no tell them thanks and tell them to call you if she/he does, then close the door. if they knock again say, "Oh thank you so much for finding him. (Insert puppy name) come inside right now." Pretend like there is a dog coming inside. Once again thank the neighbor for finding the dog and shut the door for good. (this one works better if your puppy really isn't missing ::sniff sniff::)
3) Begin by asking their name then go on with the solicitation. Say that you would like to buy their product, and when they ask for a name say theirs. if they get what's going on close the door. other wise go with it.
4) tell them you can't talk right now. your to busy sacrificing a goat to great and merciful Gortho. have chants and barn yard animal sounds coming from the back ground.
5) when you open the door and see who it is close the door immediately and don't open the door again. give them the cold shoulder. i know it doesn't sound that fun and it's very rude. but some people just deserve that.
6) answer the door wearing plastic armor and have a toy sword. challenge them to a duel. if they say no say that you have won by forfeit and shut the door.
7) don't open the door and when ever they knock say, "Who is it?" In a girlish voice. Just keep saying it and they'll leave. or, you end up with hours worth of fun.
8)answer the door wearing a blue hat, a blue shirt, and a cardboard box. Say, " So where would you like it?" When they say, "What?" Say, "Oh sorry i must have the wrong house." and close the door. Reversly they might say thank you and take the box. In that case say, "Just doing my job have a nice day." In either case do not open the door again.
9) Hold up a house plant to them and look at them expectantly. if they try to take it yell, "No". Do this until they leave.
10) Offer them a cookie and laugh like a mad scientist when they take a bite. Look disappointed when they are still standing and say, "Guess i'll have to increase the dosage." and walk inside.
11) Walk outside and say, "No time for the jibba jabba. I've got to buy some milk. And you must be crazier then Murdoc if you want to keep me from my milk!" (This one is good for if your already on your way out)
12) And the twelfth way to get rid of a door to door solicitor by simply saying these words, "My Grandfather told me not to touch the sandwiches that other people reap. So stop harassing my french fried beefalos. Ya Perve!" Shut the door on him if you want. I like to stare at them until the leave.
Ah...the power of the Internet and using other people's creativity to deal with a common problem.
Kind Regards,
Skipper