Update on the Mermaid

Cadellin

Hi:

I don't post here that much, though I read posts everyday. It's mostly because of the IE7 problem (don't use FF that much). Anyway, that's beside the point. I'm posting today just to vent, to send my angst off into the ether, cast my bread upon the waters, all that stuff. I'm inactive now for about four years, have an active JW husband and all my immediate family are JWs.

Things have been pretty good between my husband and I, despite my awakening and his resolute determination to "stand firm" for the "truth." He refuses to discuss any WT matters with me, not even addressing my questions, mostly, I believe, because he knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on. At any rate, today there's a "special" Bethel speaker at the KH and he wants me to come with him to hear the "special" talk. I replied that I have given most of my productive youthful years to this organization which had, in turn, made promises they couldn't keep and, even worse, lied to me and I felt no obligation to give one more minute of my limited time on this mortal coil to it.

His reply was, "May I quote you on that?" And I was about to say, "Sure," when it dawned on me that my words could be used against me. So I said, "No, I'll deny ever saying a thing."

This made him sullen and silent and he stalked off to the service group. It left me angry and appalled. And now I'm worried that my marriage might be at stake.

Damn this horrible religion and what it does to people. No wonder I've ended up a liberal, secular agnostic.

flipper

CADELIN- I'm so sorry that you're still having to deal with so many JW relatives still ( like I do ) and that your JW husband is acting passive aggressive towards you. The comment to you " may I quote you on that ? " tells you all you need to know on where his underlying allegiances are standing. It's with the JW organization. My ex-wife was a fanatic JW and she would turn me in at the drop of a dime if she think she detected something " incorrect " or " unspiritual " in my attitude.

I can't remember your back story- is your husband an elder or MS or still pretty fanatic in believing the WT illusions ? If he's an elder he may feel that he HAS to report any alleged " unfaithfulness " on your part or regarding your attitude. If it becomes a constant WT society and hubby against you scenario, it may be time indeed to consider your life options , how is your relationship outside the JW world with your husband ? I feel for you in your situation. If you look to stay with this man it will be like walking on eggshells and you'll have to be careful about what JW stuff you talk about in order to keep the peace. Just remember we are here for you, O.K. ? Hang in there , Peace out, Mr. Flipper

OnTheWayOut

Hello. I hope it helps to come and vent, I hope some can help with some great thoughts.

I will throw in mine.

If your husband is as fully committed as it sounds, he was likely trying to give them something to say you DA'ed yourself. (or worse- something for a JC committee to DF you on.)

Best to stick with the "deny ever saying it" answer.

But I imagine a fully committed JW husband would also recognize that it would severely hurt him in congregation status to divorce you. Sure, if you aren't coming to the Hall, it makes little difference if you are inactive or DA'ed/DF'ed. He can play the angle that he is so faithful despite his wife's shortcomings. But to divorce you or even separate, he would need you to be guilty of adultery or else the congregation would look down on him. Willful non-support only works for wives separating and "spiritual endangerment" is a total cop-out for a man to use in that HE-MAN organization.

So I think this changes nothing. Reassure him of your love (if that's true) and it'll probably be okay.

blondie

cadelin, it seems like he is trying to "help" you in a way you don't want to be. He is only one person; I would think any relaying of suspicious statements would need a second backup witness someone hearing you say it, something in writing.

I see you have been inactive 4 years....do you think he is getting concerned, impatient, and wants to bring it out in the open? When I read JWN I see the most difficulty challenges are having spouses still in (and even worse children).

Like Flipper said, come here and bounce things off like people on JWN. My husband left a few months after me and there is no touch of the true believer in either of us.

Blondie

ldrnomo

How would he feel if you (accidentally) left COC laying around the house? Do you think there is a chance he would pick it up and read a little of it?

life is to short

I am sorry I did not realize your husband is still an elder, my husband just walked out the door to go in service also.

I just do not get how they cannot wake up to the fact that this is a cult. It is all just so clear to me that this religion is just a huge freaking sham.

It is just mind boggling to me. It is just so hard to know that my husband is using our car and gas, the money I work so hard for, and here my husband used the car to haul around people who will not even speak to me when I see them in the store or in the mall. Yet these people who shun me who treat me like am the walking dead will sit in my car, use my gas not give my husband a dime of money and they have even broken things, I got into the car one time after he had used it in service and the cup holder was laying broken on the back seat they never even told my husband they had broken it. Yet the women who broke it shunned me at the coffee house the next week. Oh the love of this stupid religion and I am not disfellowshiped nor DA'ed I only just stopped going to the meetings.

How can my husband not see why that hurts? I just do not get it.

I am just sorry that you are going through this, this religion destroys families is all I can say.

LITS

Cadellin

Thank you for all your kind words. Believe me when I say it helps tremendously!

Flipper: He was an elder but since we moved, he has not been reappointed. This is probably due to the fact that both his wife (me) and his child (who's 14 now) refuse to go. He's actually okay w/not being reappointed (I think he's kind of relieved not to be doing the kind of heavy lifting he was doing in our prev. cong.) and I'm fine either way. But yes, I do have to be circumspect about what I say.

OTWO: Thank you for your reassurance. Yes, now that I've thought about it, I don't think it changes anything. And I do love him dearly, and him I as far as I can tell.

Blondie: No, I don't think he's getting impatient. Well, hmm. Now I'm having second thoughts. I think that, just as we "awake" to the truth about the "truth" in stages, believing spouses have to get used to the inactivity of their awakened spouse in stages. Initially, when we moved here, he wanted me to go to one meeting/month, which I did. But I'm not now (yay) and maybe this is reverberation from that realization.

Idrnomo: Great idea, but I honestly don't know what effect it would have. I think he just might read parts of it if no one were looking but he might just as easily decide that his loyalty's been tested far enough and run to the BOE.

LITS: We can commiserate! Yeah, I have to wonder how believing spouses just "don't get it." Funny thing is, my dear hubby will go to worldly events with me, talk extensively about the political situation (he followed election stats devoutly), read fiction that would be nixed by most JWs, and make references to how climate change is going to affect life on earth but we'll both be gone by then. All of which reflects a profoundly non-JW perspective. I think there's cognitive dissonance up the ying-yang going on with him.

MrFreeze

You say something like that and all he can respond is by essentially saying "Can I use what you said against you?"

Update on the Mermaid

Share this