I occasionally go to h20 and lurk. This guy is one of the reasons I visit.
(lifted off of h2o- posted by "unclebruce")
It is said that cows blood or at least parts of it are quite alright for transfusing to human beings. This I doubt, aren't there enough people with bull**** personalities walking about as it is! No it's not for yours truly. The effect of such treatment on a sensitive subject such as myself is hard to foresee. (as it is I sometimes get the urge to lay down in the grass and chew on a straw or just amble through it and moo)
Other more serious complications come to mind. One day a chap may find himself up before the wig charged with charging a policeman head-on in the stomach, his only defence that he'd had a bulls blood transfusion down at the abattoirs the day before. (New police regulation 76502: Henceforth no member of the NSW constablary is to carry a red handkerchief) ... Case dismissed. After several transfusions goodness knows what might happen. A man might find himself engaged to a hairy Scotish Shorthorn or worse still in a bout of bovine depression wander down to the butcher and give oneself up to the sawdusted feind. mmm, "bit boney" he says, "well there's been a bloody drought on OK!?" and before you know it, you're down some seedy alley, soup bones being boiled up and slopped into mugs for bums and alcoholics.
No, sorry Elder Lee, that's not for me, I've looked into many a pretty young heffers big solem eyes and I'm not the least bit inclined toward a matramonial attacment to one and as for ending my days as a rissole on Bathories bbq or rotting in the darkened back passage of some old drunk - forget it! No pleasure or dignity in any of that. If on the other hand, these cow transfusions, taken in moderation, give one that satisfied placidity most cows seem to have, I'm all for them. Pump a gallon into all the African tin pot dictators for a start. Perhaps a few of the more volitile posters on H20 could give it a go first. How about you Gpok? ... no that's no good .. how would we tell?
raving unclebruce, who's won no ribbons at the Royal Agricultural Show.
H2o humor
by amicus 4 Replies latest social humour
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amicus
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mommy
Thank you Amicus! That is really funny:)
wendy -
RedhorseWoman
I'm sure that this is absolutely true. After all, didn't the WT bring out this very "fact" in its hallowed pages not too many years ago? We've all heard of the poor man who received blood from a criminal who then began committing heinous acts....and.....he yelled at his wife.
It's true....all true!!! But at least those receiving bovine blood transfusions will henceforth meet all their dietary fiber needs. LOL
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Seven
Amicus, I've been a lurker at H2O for quite some time. unclebruce is my favorite. One of his posts that I'll not soon forget, was a reply of his to one "biblexaminer." This was by no means amusing-but one of his best imo. There hasn't been a memorial day, flag day, or veteran's day pass without a recollection of his words.
Posted by watchtowerlies[unclebruce]on March 16, 2000 at 01:17:21
Athiests in the trenches
Dear Biblexaminer,
I don't normally call someone out like this unless in fun however, I just read a post of yours below under "what do Christians want."You "pressed a button" of mine by saying the following: [There is an old question..."How many atheists can you find in a foxhole? The answer...can't tell...all the guys are too busy praying]
To be truthful I find this statement offensive, dishonest and completely wrong!(dishonouring the dead is a serious crime over here) I felt this way, and said so, when first fed this lie from "father Brooklyn" 20 years ago.(my argument on this stopped many in my congregation from using the vile lie in field service etc...)This is an emotional issue for me as well as a factual one.
My great grandfather served in the trenches of WWI he came back home bringing his crippled, blind, mad brother with him gassed, blown-up and broken by constant shelling on the western front. He left two of his brothers buried in the French countryside. He knew a bit about foxhole and trench warfare life...he rarely spoke about it...but from greatgran and his comrads I have pieced together something of the hell they faced...week after week dead corpses rotting and mixing with the mud under foot...skullcaps for ashtrays and cups even..a man still fighting, half his face removed by a German shovel, a German soldier squashed in the track of the new tank...gradually watching it decay...tomorrow the same...
No athiests in the foxholes! what a joke! you make me sick! No Christians in the foxholes more likely! For God sake speak to someone who knows. We sit in our cosy little world, glass of chardonay in hand
pontificating about stuff we don't know. I know the Americans came late to the big wars and often think of the temporary foxholes on the pacific island hellholes etc..their war was horrendous too but more mobile rather that the long protracted trench stalemate of the somme, flanders etc.but we think of devestation rent on most Aust. families by WWI...this country was just getting on its feet when mother England called...us being nieve...we signed up in droves as the biggest "volunteer" army over there and we most more young men han any other country/head of population to the machinery of mass slaughter. I've never had breakfast for several weeks watching a mans body rot several feet away
or found dead men...their pockets turned out, photos of family discarded to the wind and mud,or removed a mate's hat only to have his head come off with it...but I'm sure of one thing...It'd make me think! and after a while prayers would ring a little hollow...suffering?, we wouldn't have a bloody clue.Our own government still lies to us about this stuff. At every passing out parade in Europe, much to the annoyance of superior officers the aussie soldiers "en-mass" sang, as loud as they could a little ditty, I can only remember the last verse it went: "And Bullencourt was a farce, you can take bloody lot and stick it up your arse!"
Now when we see those old men dragged out on TV we forget they weren't always conservative men drinking tea, served on fine china by loving relatives.
Atheist in a foxhole? wouldn't have to look to far. (don't believe all you read in the papers biblexaminer)
unclebruce.
P.S. I just know I'll get called an atheist for this. But I despise those who talk crap in the name of truth.(even when the society was my closest friend I knew it to be a liar extraordinaire)
P.S:2: I know your a hard working man...you don't need to respond...this was as much for me as anything else...cheers.
Seven
It is not out of disrespect that I post this in the humour forum. It is meant for Amicus to read and anyone else interested. I've learned much from reading unclebruce. I learned that regardless of what I think of myself and my accomplishments, and how far I've come-"I haven't a bloody clue." Thanks unc, for keeping me real. -
amicus
Seven,
Thanks. I haven't spent much time at h20 and have read very little of "unclebruce". Reading these compositions I see images not words, experiences rather than sentences.
I really didn't know how to respond initially- silence was the only thing that seemed appropriate.
I'm one of the lucky ones that have never seen these horrors. One of my best friends and neighbor was less fortunate. 30 years later he still has nightmares from his stint in Vietnam. Occasionally he'll phone me and ask, "Do you have anything to drink?". That means he needs to come over and talk. After a few drinks too many, he'll start to talk of some of the things he lived back then. Some of his stories give me nightmares. A few times I've made the mistake of saying something foolish like, "I know" or "I understand" and he'll fix me with a haunted stare and say, "No you don't, you don't have any idea....".