My story... Warning fluff ahead

by larc 7 Replies latest social humour

  • larc
    larc

    My story,

    I was born at a very early age. We were poor, so I was born at home. When my mother saw me, she was rushed to the hospital.

    My mom used to bath me in the bath tub. She would turn on the water, and if I turned red, she would add some cold water. If I turned blue, she would add some warm water.

    My father was a very demanding man. When I was 5 years old, he said to me one day, "Smith, how old are you." (He could never remember my first name.) I said I was 5. He said, "Smith, I am ashamed of you, when I was your age, I was ten already."

    When I was ten, I was sitting in the living room on a cold wintry day in front of a roaring fire. My father came home from work and was rather upset, because we didn't have a fire place.

    I was very shy as a child. I used to come home from school with bruise marks where other kids touched me with ten foot poles.

    Now, moving on to my teen years, my mother told me that I should not touch myself in certain places and if I did I would go blind. Well, I decided to touch myself only until I needed glasses.

    Well, I never needed glasses until I was 45 years old, and the whole experience was well worth it.

    I hope you enjoyed the joy that I enjoyed. If so, share your joy with us and email your joy to a girl named Joy.

  • teejay
    teejay

    That's quite a story there, Larc. Quite a story.

  • jst2laws
    jst2laws

    Larc,

    By this you prove your diversity:

    Master of serious posts!

    Master of fluff!

    Now master of Comedy!

    REALLY GOOD!

    Jst2laws

  • cellomould
    cellomould

    gaffaw gaffaw...
    ...that was seriously funny!

    cellomould

    "Money walks through the door, and memory flies out the window" Dream Theater, 6:00

  • cellomould
    cellomould

    But, hey, I was born at home...hope you aren't trying to insult me or my poor family.

    "Money walks through the door, and memory flies out the window" Dream Theater, 6:00

  • RationalWitness
    RationalWitness

    Larc,

    You forgot to mention that being born was such a shock, you were unable to speak for two years. (See, I know more about you than you realize.)

    Rational

  • waiting
    waiting

    Wow larc! Your homey humor brings out the nice guys! And me......

    When I was ten, I was sitting in the living room on a cold wintry day in front of a roaring fire. My father came home from work and was rather upset, because we didn't have a fire place
    I liked that one.

    For all the men here:

    The luckiest man in the world was Adam - he had no mother-in-law. Sholom Aleichem

    waiting

  • Solace
    Solace

    Funny!!!!!!!!!
    10 foot poles!!
    I like it.
    Well, not 10 foot poles but I like the cute and very funny story! Thanks for sharing!

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