How to really ruin a Memorial...

by Abaddon 5 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Abaddon

  ... me and my gf came up with a few ways to spoil the wine and busicuits ceremony last night, feel free to join in;

  Taking a jar of Marmite, and spreading it on the bread before taking a bite.

  Asking if there's any dips when they pass the bread.

  Asking the Attendant who passes you the wine if there's any cheese.

  Faking an entire choking episode; taking the bread, gagging, choking, Heinlich (sp?) manuever, the lot.

  Take a good swig of wine, swill it like a wine taster, spit it out over the Attendant's shoes, pass it back to him and say "It's corked".

  Start speaking in tongues after taking the emblems.

  Kneel when the Speaker prays over the emblems, and then troop down to the front like a good little RC.

  Stick a condom packet on the tray of bread.

  A few of those are a bit weak, and I honestly couldn't be arsed actually doing any, but it's fun to think of the faces... anyone else got ideas?
• 

  dmouse

  You know, my absolute fear during the whole malarky was that I'd accidently drop the plate when it was passed to me, or my kids would.

  I'm sure they would be mortified if you, as you passed it on, gave a little flick with your thumb under the plate so that they actually or nearly drop it.

  Make 'em sweat!
• 

  JAVA

  Abaddon - Thanks for the laughs. I thought the "condom packet" suggestion was excellent. Memorial protection is important!
• 

  SYN

  * "Hey look, the bread is mouldy!"
  * "Cool, free biscuits! And you all saved them just for me! OMG, wine too! I LOOOVE this religion! *SLURP*"
  * Secretly find out the exact name and manf. etc of the bread beforehand (having Elder friends helps here) and then after it's been passed around to everyone and put back on the stage, run up to the stage (sit at the back for max. effect!) and remove a concealed slice of same bread from your pocket, shouting, "Hey, hang on, you forgot this!"
  * Bring a hardcore pr0n magazine, and then when the wine/bread reaches you, say "Hang on, lemme just look at the centerfold, gimme a minute here OK!"
  * After the bread's been passed around, "Well, looks like everybody musta eaten before they came here!"

  
  [SYN], UADA - Unseen Apostate Directorate of Africa - For Great Justice!
• 

  Simon

  I still rate my brothers suggestion:

  Hold the wine high and look up to the ceiling while proclaiming "Cheers Jesus ... but I bet I can turn it back into water faster than you can!"
• 

  TR

  Order soup and salad from the attendant when he passes you the bread and wine.

  TR