Was it hard for you as a JW to be around girls or boys?

by suavojr 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  suavojr

  

  This picture brings back some memories...
  What happens when a 14 year old boy gets bombarded about how evil it is to feel a natural attraction towards the opposite sex?
  
  First - You encounter the Robot from Lost In Space, yelling DANGER, DANGER! Second - You get more interested in sex. Third - You don't worry about anything. Your parents do all the worrying for you. It is hard to grow up with helicopter (JW parents) constantly forbidding a child from speaking to the opposite sex. My parents were always spying on me, and if I was seen just saying hi or laughing with a girl, then I knew my dad was going to lecture me with a list of scriptures and make me feel that I had committed fornication. This was a crucial point in my life, because when I was about 14 I sincerely contemplated suicide. The constant guilt lectures, not good enough pep talks, not being a true JW, don't date, God will kill you if you have premarital sex, etc… all of this pressure, made me want to end it all.

  I have never mentioned this to my parents or any other person. I am grateful that God allowed me to feel his forgiveness through Jesus sacrifice and prayer was a key element to help me make the right decision.

  (I chose life! and HOW WONDERFUL IT IS TO BE ALIVE!)

  From early in life I have always felt God close to me, protecting me, guiding me, and in many crucial moments when I thought everything was lost, our loving father was present, providing me rest in the shadow of the Almighty.(Psalm 91:1)

  A Christians’ life is a battle of faith; and I am no exception. Like thousands of others, I have been involved with the JW’s since my infancy and have always thought we were the only true religion. But I could not harmonize this reasoning with the great crowd John saw, how can it be a great crowd that no man could count? And yet we can count the amount of JW’s worldwide. How come Jesus spoke about weed seed among the good seed? and only true love would distinguish them (These types of questions have been with me since I was 12)

  During my life, I have experienced a great desire to seek the freedom that accompanies the sons of God. But yet, I was taught I could not consider myself a son of God, only an associate or friend.

  What has brought me to this crucial crossroad in my life? I am certain that the HOLY SPIRIT is in full action leading the way.

  The Bible is a whole NEW book to me. I am grasping things in the past that seemed impossible. I am finding scriptures that I can't recall reading before.

  These last 4 months have been an eye-opener, a revelation, an epiphany. Yes, the light does get brighter! But not in the sense of decoding a secret message hidden in Jesus words but in the sense of being able to grasp what is the secret of his will. […] to gather all things together again in the Christ, the things in the heavens and the things on the earth. (Ephesians 1:9,10)

  So this is a brief story about my life. How about you?
• 

  mrsjones5

  No I was boy crazy. Had multiple crushes. Glad I didn't marry any of them.
• 

  tec

  I was not a jw, so I am blessed not to have had that guilt instilled in me. I am glad to hear that you overcame that which was put onto you. (my mother did not allow me to even speak with boys for quite a long time, though not for religious reasons...of course it did not stop me, but the only fear i had was in getting caught... she never told me I would be punished by God; she never said anything like that to my brother and I)

  From early in life I have always felt God close to me, protecting me, guiding me, and in many crucial moments when I thought everything was lost, our loving father was present, providing me rest in the shadow of the Almight

  I felt this as well. But I set Him on the back burner for a while. He was still there to welcome me when I turned back to Him though.

  Lovely post.

  Peace,

  tammy
• 

  Pickler

  There is so much damage done to us by this kind of JW parenting.

  I was never allowed anywhere near boys, but, the second anyone expressed interest my mum started talking marriage. I got the feeling that once I was in puberty I was like a "hot potato" and she was just dying to get me married to the first available man so she would not have the responsibility to make sure nothing ever "happened" to me.

  You know, it's all about what's "seen" to be correct, not what actually happens. Elders kids I knew got away with all kinds of misbehavior. whereas a famly like mine, my mum was always striving to be seen as being above reproach, so she was far stricter than other parents. She was so afraid of what others might think of her, she took it all out on us.

  Someone in the congregation wrote me letters, and gave me gifts, secretly, he was probably 16. It was a really lovely thing, and it was the first time I had ever received a present.

  I can't tell you how awful it was when she found out, she publicly returned all of his gifts IN THE FOYER of the hall, loudly telling him that if he wanted to talk to her daughter he had to talk to her first.

  Even typing this now I still feel a hot & prickly feeling of shame/tears/horror, god only knows what it was like for him.

  The thing was, we were friends and it was ruined, we never spoke much again ( this was pre Internet & it was easy to lose touch with people ).

  As a female you are made to feel so bad/guilty about absolutely anything to do with the opposite sex. I agree that the way they talk to you, you feel so guilty, like you have sinned, when you have done nothing!
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  suavojr

  This is just proof that we grow up in a controling cult! No doubt about it. Everyone thanks for sharing!
• 

  ambersun

  Up until the age of 14 my family had not been influenced by the WTS and I was used to having freedom in choosing my friends which included boys as well as girls. I was naturally friendly and chatty, and I was a normal teenage girl with a healthy interest in boys, who loved male company and the boys I knew enjoyed my company also! I hasten to add this did NOT mean I wanted to have sex with them, I was only 14 for goodness sake and in or out of the organisation I would not have been anywhere near ready for that kind of relationship.

  I could not change my personality overnight when we became JWs. I tended to go up to anyone and start chatting to them, but I got into a lot of trouble for making friends with the boys and being accused of "leading them on". It came as a shock to me that girls simply did not talk to the boys in the congregation unless they were looking for a marriage partner. I was told that platonic friendships between the sexes simply did not exist and the dangers of fornication or adultery meant that males and females of any age should never be alone together. I found all this very strange and difficult to deal with, especially when I saw elderly sisters unable to accept lifts from brothers or allow them into their homes if they were on their own. They seemed to be preoccupied with sex. It was ridiculous!!

  This continued to be a problem for me throughout my teenage years. I was kept under strict control by my devout JW parents who vetted all my friendships but I still seemed to get a reputation for leading the boys on. Elderly sisters in the congregation were always muttering and tutting about me. All I wanted to do was be FRIENDS with them for crying out loud

  Having said that, I have noticed that these days things tend to be very different, at least in the congregations my nephews and nieces attend. They all seem to be allowed to have platonic friendships between the sexes which I am delighted to see.
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  cantleave

  I found interaction with the opposite very difficult. I had no self confidence
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  Finkelstein

  I think the religious fervor of separating girls and boys in just about all activity, creates its own problems of social communication.

  The JW thinking is that if boys and girls become friends this is going to only lead to sexual immorality.

  A problem with this is that young people may feel inhibited to push to be socially friendly toward people of the opposite sex.
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  tiki

  wow - when i was growing up there was indeed a great divide. i recall though that throughout the 90's the kids(in our area) got together in mixed groups and actually had a lot of fun...i always wondered how they got away with it given what i lived through....but, bottom line, it is all warped. the whole idea they perpertrate is that everyone given the opportunity is going to fornicate....and it is so far from reality. very sad, the manipulation of natural growth and expression.