I was just thinking about, and contrasting, the thoughts I have now, with the general mental inclination, spiritually speaking, that I carried for all the years of my life till a few months ago.
Thinking this about myself, and perhaps JW's in general, tell me if it rings true for you:
I thought I knew where to turn for food that was spiritually satisfying. Turns out, I was getting a spiritual pacifier.
I thought that I was satisfied, spiritually. It turns out, I was just pacified, spiritually.
Depends upon what you define as "spiritual"! If it was a genuine positive social experiance, then some of what one experiances as a JW is fulfilling. If it is psychological and emotional satisfaction or even intellectual, for that matter, then very little is either satisfying or healthy. Looking at the four stages of human growth from the totally self-centered infant to the mature self-aware and healthy adult, the spycho-social milue of the typical JW congregation tends to retard maturation and freeze it into a codependent relationship.
Spirituality does not thrive well in such an environment. I suspect the feelings you are describing are a mixture of emotions consistant with your growth emotionally and mentally once you have made the break from the darkness of the cave.
That is a profound statement. Because the WTBS does stop growth - spiritually and mentally. You express what I have been feeling, but not able to put into words. Thanks