Seeking help

truthseeker1

Hey, I found this site while bored at work.
I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me.

I was an athiest as long as I could remember. Now I am just confused. I believe in a 'greater power' just not sure which one. I am starting to learn for myself what I believe in. Here is a little background of me so you can help me if you wish:

I started working with a girl when I was 19. We started talking and religion came up. I mentioned I was an athiest and she said she was a JW. It intrieged her that I was one of those fools who say there is no god. We really stared to like each other and I decided i'll look into her religion to see if it was the truth or not. I studied with her friend and also did some studing in the local library. I came across an apostate book a month into my study and wanted to stop. I was convinced by the person I studied with that it was lies, so i continued my studies w/out looking at 'apostate' books. I became baptizes and things were going really good for us. We married in 98' when I was 21 and she was 18. I always had doubts but figured this was the only way we could be together. I figured together with her living a lie was better then being alone. well, It was too much for me about 2 years ago and I told her I didn't want to be a witness anymore. I knew it wasn't the truth. We had a huge fight (non violent) and at the end I caved and said I was stupid to think that just to end the fight. Since then I have been living a lie, detesting every waking moment of meetings and service. I started looking at 'apostate' material for facts and stuff about WTC and have found enough to convince me I need out of this bOrganization (as some deftly put it) soon. none of my family are Witnesses, so I don't care about being disfellowshiped for me. I just love my wife so much I hate huring her, and I know this will really mess up her life. I believe she needs to be a witness, its just the way she is. Her whole family (parents, siblings, grandparents, ect) are witnesses. I couldn't care less if i saw these people again, I would just hate to put her through this.

If anyone has been in this situation, or a similar one and have some advice for me on what to do, please help.

truthseeker1

I forgot to mention we don't have any kids

Rags

Hey Truthseeker...the fact that you have no kids is a bonus. If you decide to split with the wife at least there wont be any children and battles with custody...and broken hearts of little ones seeing their parents split up....besides ... you dont want to put another child through being raised a witness by the mom...I was raised a Witness and it screws up your head....really!
I dont really know what to say...nobody can tell you what to do.
To be honest with you i think you already have the answer to your question. You know what has to be done and you know what is right for YOU..it seems your here because you want some reassurance of your choice.
you say this will mess up her life and that you hate to hurt her...but it will mess up YOUR life if you continue to live this farce...it will also mess up your marriage if it aint already messed up.
Nobody can tell you what to do. It has to come from within you..hopefully others will post with some better advice than what i just gave you.
Goodluck in all
Rags

larc

TruthSeeker,

For the immediate, I would just stop going. Become inactive and let her do what she wants. Don't argue. Don't fight, and don't shove a lot of facts in her face. Bide your time and see if you can plant seeds of doubt from time to time. Be a loving husband and show her lots of good times. These good times will be quite a contrast to the drudgery of her Witness life.

jst2laws

Truthseeker,

Welcome. I am impressed that you love your wife and sounds like you are willing to make some concessions for her.

I just love my wife so much I hate huring her, and I know this will really mess up her life. I believe she needs to be a witness, its just the way she is

You have somewhat of a tight rope to walk even in the best case. But if you love your wife and she loves you isn’t it worth it. You can become ‘weak’ or even have ‘doubts’ and still keep your wife and friends. You just have to be careful that they never find out where you really are. If you are patient, dropping little hints over a long period, you might even help liberate your wife, someday when she is ready.

BTW discovering the WT is a fraud doesn’t have to translate to atheism again. There is a great message in the Christian scriptures that doesn’t need to be rejected.

Jst2laws

Rags

Hi..i got some info. for you that i found.
Okay..well maybe for your wife.. i dont know..here it goes.
Christian Outreach for anyone who is JW trying to get out they help you call 630-627-9028
also i found a deprogramming centre for JW's...www.freeminds.org/psych/deprog.htm

maybe i will post this as a whole thread..okay bye everyone

truthseeker1

Hey, thanks so far for the advice. I guess what I'm looking for is some advice on how to break the news w/out tearing us apart. I still want to be married to her, just not the Borginization. I'd rather do it quickly and not over a period of years. If she chooses to leave me then thats her decision(I doubt she will). Another issue is her dad is the PO of our congregation...and all the elders told her she was dumb for presuing me because I was only in it for her. At first I wasn't. I really thought it was the truth until I realizes that the only information I was getting was from the Orginization. Once I wanted to look at the other side of the "pancake" i noticed all the holes. I don't think I will be an athiest, but I'm not sure where I will go after. JW's kinda ruined other religions to me. That will have to come later. I know I have to tell her before we start having kids tho, incase she wants to have a JW family. So, if anyone has some advice, let me know. I know this is for personal experiences so if anyone wants to know the more indepth story then let me know and I'll write it up. It might not be as well written as some of the other stuff here. TIA!

2SYN

Hey TruthSeeker! Glad to see you realized the Truth about the BOrganization, and that you are taking active steps to prevent them from mind-fooking you any further. Good luck whatever you do!

[SYN], UADA - Unseen Apostate Directorate of Africa - For Great Justice!

Bang

I haven't been in that situation so I can only imagine.

If you believe in God, then it will be a problem for you to lie - you know that already - you may be able to say nothing though.

If you know that JWism is desolate, you won't ever be able to tell yourself otherwise. In the words of an American actor, "once you've heard the truth, everything else is just cheap whiskey".

As I said, I haven't been in that situation, but for me, I would always pursue my marriage commitment - my wife is the 'suitable helper' that the Lord provided me with, especially while looking for the kingdom - it's not right at all that I should ever abandon my companion.

They aren't just like christians though and there's not a lot you can do if she insists on leaving, but it's not an excuse - you are response-able.
If you're to be a hero in your Adventure that is God, you should consider how you want to have done things, in the future.

I'd say to stay with them while you're still seeking and keep quiet, and consider the prompting of the Spirit, the courage for what is Good. From what I've read it seems you mightn't have to go to meetings to keep your marriage, but most of all I suppose, be happy with her and be happy for her - she'll cop a load of shit and she'll need a strong, mannered, proper and happy husband.

Step into the Adventure, this is it, it's now and it's not padded - do the good thing, regardless of what you think you know.

Bang

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