Emotional Abuse - 10 signs to watch out for in a relationship

by sd-7 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  sd-7

  http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/30/10-signs-your-girlfriend-or-wife-is-an-emotional-bully/

  The above link explains it well. I've probably encountered it before, but I think it warrants a mention once more. In reading that list, I feel like it was recounting the last 3+ years of my life...

  Especially for born-in JWs who maybe can't as readily identify emotional abuse, I think it's vital to be aware of the signs and be careful about forming new relationships too quickly once you're free of the Borg. It's important to understand that in its own way, an abusive relationship takes on the dynamic of a cult, with the abuser taking on the role of cult leader. This happens to men and women, sadly, and the effects can be pretty heavy.

  Well, we're all so very busy, so...time to go.

  --sd-7
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  Lozhasleft

  Excellent article SD7, needless to say it applies to both sexes. Can't quite believe I survived years of this. Towards the end I worked out that he couldn't get past 3 days without conflict and drama.

  Loz x
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  88JM

  Sadly, this also describes my mum and dad's relationship exactly at the moment.
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  breakfast of champions

  Hey SD-7, google "double bind" and check out the Wikipedia article. . . More relationship stuff that I think has a connection to Watchtowerworld as well.
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  sd-7

  One of my favorites:

  "Unreasonable expectations. No matter how hard you try and how much you give, it’s never enough. She expects you to drop whatever you’re doing and attend to her needs. No matter the inconvenience, she comes first. She has an endless list of demands that no one mere mortal could ever fulfill.

  Common complaints include: You’re not romantic enough, you don’t spend enough time with me, you’re not sensitive enough, you’re not smart enough to figure out my needs, you’re not making enough money, you’re not FILL IN THE BLANK enough. Basically, you’re not enough, because there’s no pleasing this woman. No one will ever be enough for her, so don’t take it to heart.

  Result: You’re constantly criticized because you’re not able to meet her needs and experience a sense of learned helplessness. You feel powerless and defeated because she puts you in no-win situations."

  Marriage has been like one gigantic Kobayashi Maru test. "Isn't the test itself a cheat? I mean, you programmed it to be unwinnable."

  --sd-7
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  sd-7

  Rejection. She ignores you, won’t look at you when you’re in the same room, gives you the cold shoulder, withholds affection, withholds sex, declines or puts down your ideas, invitations, suggestions, and pushes you away when you try to be close. After she pushes you as hard and as far away as she can, she’ll try to be affectionate with you. You’re still hurting from her previous rebuff or attack and don’t respond. Then she accuses you of being cold and rejecting, which she’ll use as an excuse to push you away again in the future.

  Result: You feel undesirable, unwanted, and unlovable. You believe no one else would want you and cling to this abusive woman, grateful for whatever scraps of infrequent affection she shows you.

  --Yup, that's me!

  --sd-7
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  out4good3

  

  But...that's just me.....
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  FingersCrossed

  If only the dubs can relate it to their relationship with the Borg...