Smiddy, I strongly believe, because this was my experience, that brothers and sisters within the congregation who have "unbelieving mates" (whatever category they may fall within, DF'd, DA'd, faded, marked, Apostate, etc.) fall on the second lowest rung and priority within the congregation. Single sisters with children stand on the lowest rung and must bear their own "load". Brothers who are single by divorce or have unbelieving mates, and still bring their children to meetings get cooed over and coddled.
Sisters with unbelieving mates have to fight for their rights within the congregation. I will give you a prime expample. My former DIL was DF'd. She was hospitalized for treatment for stage 4 cancer. We believed she was dying. I felt so alone. My son, an active and in good standing dub was losing his beloved wife; her mother a flightly, '60s hippy dub was a semi-active and in fairly good standing dub. I was an uber-dub in fine standing. I called and asked for a shepherding call at the hospital. The elder said he would get back to me, but he didn't think it was possible, because my DIL was DF'd. I told him I wasn't asking for her, I was asking for my my son, her mother and myself.
I received a return call with two elders on the line. I stood in the bathroom of the hospital room having this conference call. I fought them tooth and nail, pleading, "Where is the mercy?" I was told Jehovah was showing his mercy by disciplining my DIL. I said, I was talking about mercy toward those of us who where still Jehovah's sheep and were in a helpless situation. I explained that I didn't know how to comfort my son or his then MIL. I begged them and they finally conceded to come to visit us in the family room. Their suggestion was that I read comforting scriptures to my son's MIL in front of my son and my DF'd DIL. My hubby had faded decades earlier and was marked. I was the spiritual head of the household in this situation, according to them. They would not enter my DIL's hospital room. This infuriated her studying on again and off again, never-a-dub father. He later commented that he could see how furious I was that they would not come in the hospital room.
If one has fallen, the rest are suspect. End of rant.
