by mpatrick 4 Replies latest social humour
I received this email-
Dear Unsaved Michelle:
*******, an inveterate name-dropper who has been declared UNSAVABLE by the Landover Baptist Salvation Evaluation Committee For Non-Platinum Tithers, stopped by the website Betty Bowers is a Better Christian Than You and suggested that your unlikely salvation depends upon visiting the following URL:
LOL! I love the Landover Baptist site! I go there from time to time so see what antics they are up to.
BTW, just so everyone know… the Landover Baptist has a restraining order against all Unsaved persons, so don’t just “show up” on their front door.
"As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
Believe in yourself, not mythology.
<x ><
You can suggest this site to a friend, but Betty ask that you "Add your name and e-mail address (so the recipient does not think that Mrs. Bowers is a Jehovah's Witness who speaks of matters of faith without invitation - or reason)"
Porn-Again Christians Reach Out to Unsaved Pornography Addicts
Porn Again's Latest Feature (right) is Based on the Apocalyptic Best Seller by Tim LaHaye entitled Left Behind.
(SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CA) A new company, Porn-Again Productions, is making sure that Christ's message reaches even people believed to be lost to Satan by less tenacious Christian Ministries. Started by a group of evangelical Christian entrepreneurs, Porn-Again began marketing slick, sexually explicit adult entertainment two years ago -- with a difference. In each film, whether the star is being gang-banged in a sling by godless, yet hung, Muslims or simply getting popped in the eye with a money-shot from a Watchtower-spanking Jehovah's Witness at her doorstep, she always takes whatever happens to be in her mouth out long enough to talk about the Good News that Jesus died on the cross for the masturbating viewers' sins.
Whether based on an Old Testament story (The Garden of Eating), the New Testament (The Sermon on Mounting) or other literary works (War and Piece of Ass), each feature has most of its dialogue lifted directly from the pages of the Bible. In fact, the Almighty received a "Best Screenplay" Lucite dildo trophy at last year's Adult Video Awards for the prurient things He wrote for the DVD release Bath She-Male & David. "Some folks think that using the Lord's Word would make our movies more chaste than your run-of-the-mill gonzo porn flick," said Reverend (and stunt dick) Donald Doubledonger, "but those are only people who don't know their bible."
Indeed, Porn Again just finished a film called Oh, Ho! based on the exploits of Oholibah in Ezekiel.
"And she lusted after her lovers, whose penises were the size of donkeys and who came like horses!" Ezekiel 23:20
"Tell me that wasn't difficult to cast and still be true to God's Word," said director Brad Armstrong. "I mean, the Lord can sure write some hot trash, but He don't think about the fact that we can't just make these people out of dirt or ribs like He can. We got to go out in alleyways and Catholic schools and find these freaks!"
I would like to read that sermon on MOUNTING.
