Q: One of the first hurdles is knowing what to say— and what notto say —when a friend is first diagnosed, when the friend gets bad news, or when the illness goes on for months or even years. Give us the three most essential of your "10 Commandments for Conversing with a Sick Friend."
A: It's tough to choose, but I'd probably give these three priority: 1) Avoid self-referential comments or anecdotes. A friend suffering complications of pregnancy won't be helped by your childbirth story, nor will someone with a hacking cough feel comforted to hear, "You think that's bad? I had double pneumonia." 2) Never talk to a sick friend the way you talk to a child
. Banish from your speech lines like: "Did we have our medicine today?" Or, "Now, that's a good boy!" Or, "I bet you could make a wee-wee if you really, really tried." Sick people are already made to feel powerless by their illness and the medical system. Don't make things worse by infantilizing them. 3) Think twice before giving advice. Even if you know ginkgo biloba supplements would do your friend a world of good, try to keep your opinion to yourself. Sick people are already overwhelmed with information, just trying to understand their own diagnosis can be a challenge. No matter how well-intentioned you are, don't complicate their lives any further with your tips. They have doctors for advice, what they need from you is friendship...