I went to a funeral today

by Joyzabel 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Joyzabel
    Joyzabel

    My first outside of the jwdub world and I was amazed at the emotions I experienced. About 50 people were there to support the family in their time of grief

    There was a graveside service for a baby that had died this week. She was born April 2 and died April 3.

    This was a couple I enjoyed taking care of in the midwifery practice I’m a part of. I had delivered their last child; #3 and we had a wonderful experience together. We had bonded through our respect for doing things naturally, which I was able to help her have the birth experience she wanted.

    This couple is in their mid 30’s, religious to the point of being missionaries for their religion. When Honduras had the terrible rains and floods a couple of years ago, they were there. They have traveled to many places in the world on their missionary work. She and I always had a nice chat during her prenatal visits with her past history and me sharing a little of mine.

    I had seen them Monday in the clinic and we were enjoyed talking about what she wanted to do this time during this labor and delivery. I was looking forward to their baby’s birth.

    She delivered a little girl Tuesday morning, another midwife was on duty, and immediately the baby displayed problems adapting to life outside the uterus. Every effort to resuscitate the baby was being used. Still the baby was not breathing well. A chest x-ray showed that the little girl had a diaphragmic hernia on her right side. This is a condition that while developing in utero the diaphragm has a hole in it that allowed the intestines to fill up into her lung area and not allow the lung to develop or expand after the baby’s born. It’s rare in females and rare to be on the right side. Also several ultrasounds in pregnancy had not picked up on this defect. The baby was flown to a large university hospital with a NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) but the defect was not compatible to allow her to live. She died peacefully while her father was holding her the next day.

    So today another midwife and I went to the graveside service. The minister read a whole chapter from the bible about Jesus having many rooms for his followers, not just proof texts on what their religion taught. Then a couple sang a beautiful song accompanied by guitar, that was very moving. The mother knew this song and was mouthing the words along with the singers. You could see she was visible comforted by a song dear to her and expressing her emotions through it. The minister again talked about the Grace of God and what his kingdom does today to help people through their tragedies. The father got up and sang a song to his daughter, playing the guitar himself.

    It was very moving emotionally but also comforting to hear people say they don’t have all the answers, but are looking forward to being with loved ones again as Jesus promised.

    It was not the usual jw scene at a funeral at all. It was nice to see everyday normal people sharing their time to help one another grieve. The mother has a nose ring, many men have nice beards, and no one cared about the length of anyone’s hemline. Just a lovely little church group made up a decent people. It was filled with love and respect for this family and what they are going through.

    It was nice to witness other people’s display of Christianity and a service that spoke from the heart.

  • teejay
    teejay

    Thanks for sharing this touching experience, Joy.

    It’s always a big revelation to see how non-JWs deal with these normal passages of life. You said,

    It was not the usual jw scene at a funeral at all. It was nice to see everyday normal people sharing their time to help one another grieve. The mother has a nose ring, many men have nice beards, and no one cared about the length of anyone’s hemline. Just a lovely little church group made up a decent people. It was filled with love and respect for this family and what they are going through.

    It was nice to witness other people’s display of Christianity and a service that spoke from the heart.

    Many of us can relate to your simple but powerful words. No appeals for more meeting attendance; no guilt trips put on those whose meeting attendance has been less than perfect; no marketing ploys to get new members.

    Just a heartfelt remembrance of the one who is no more, and a comforting balm for the hearts of those left behind.

    Just as it should be.

    Thanks.

  • flower
    flower

    Wow it sounds so touching and amazingly contrast to the jw funerals I have been too. Last year my grandmother died and all I remember hearing at the talk was stuff about how long she had slaved for the watchtower. They talked about how she pioneered and traveled to different conventions and I remember thinking about how after 80 something years on earth no one she knew had anything to say about her as a person outside of being a witness. Everything they said related only to how much she did for the org and how she had been a faithful witness for 54 years.

    I'm so sorry to hear about the baby and I hope the parents are doing ok. That has to be the hardest thing in the world to go through.

    Thanks for sharing.

    flower

  • mrs rocky2
    mrs rocky2

    It's so sad when babies die. My heart goes out to you and the family.

    But so true, so true, JW memorial services don't memorialize the dead. Rocky's dad died last fall and the talk barely touched on the life and times of the deceased. Went to another memorial just a couple of weeks ago, a neighbor...one of the elders gave a brief talk at the funeral home as she was a life time interested one. Then the family got up and spoke about mom/g'ma. They played a tape of music the family band had recorded. The grandkids read poems. A lifelong friend spoke about their friendship and then read 1 Cor 13 and said it described her friend. It was truly a tribute....BTW the local PO wouldn't let them have the service at the KH, which was prob'ly a good thing since the most comforting words were spoken by the family. Once again, there were only a few from the KH who attended. After the service the church ladies from the church across the street from the funeral home opened their fellowship hall, organized a wonderful meal, and served the family and friends. JWs do not have a clue as to Christlike love!
    Mrs R

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Yes, moving stuff.

    The last Watchtower funeral I attended, the guy on the podium said about two sentences refering to the departed, and delivered a half an hour speech on the resurrection hope.
    Sickening.
    I nearly protested then and there, but decided it wasnt my place to.

  • jst2laws
    jst2laws

    Joy,

    Nice experience. Wish I could have been there. I was wondering where you were this morning.

    Jst2laws

  • Joyzabel
    Joyzabel

    Thanks sweetie, I wish you were there too.

    There were bells playing in the background before the service began and one of the songs I reocognized was "Amazing Grace". I smiled to myself that I now know some of the words to it!

    j2bf

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Thanks for sharing your experience. The death of a child is tragic, but I'm glad that she had a peaceful death, held in the arms of her loving dad. And I'm sure it would have been a very emotional experience for you too, Joy, since you were so involved in the arrival of this little life.

    May God give her parents comfort during this sad time, and help them heal and find peace.

  • ozziepost
    ozziepost
    The minister read a whole chapter from the bible about Jesus having many rooms for his followers, not just proof texts on what their religion taught.

    Oh, how true! What a difference it makes to actually READ the Bible at a service rather than just a 'scatter-gun' approach of using random scripture texts. Sometimes it's hard to keep up with those speakers at the KH!

    Cheers,
    Ozzie

    "If our hopes for peace are placed in the hands of imperfect people, they are bound to evaporate."

    - Ron Hutchcraft Surviving the Storms of Stress

  • Beck_Melbourne
    Beck_Melbourne

    Sorry to hear that about the little one Joy...and how thoughtful it was of you to attend the graveside service. You are a lovely person.

    I have never heard of that type of defect in a newborn before...it must be such a sad time for the parents.

    I recently heard my first non-religious funeral service...there were no scriptures or promises of a time to be together etc...there seemed to be no messages of hope...it felt strange and it was hard to shake off that abandoned feeling. Even though most in attendance have differing opinions regarding death and life thereafter...we all seemed to agree that we needed to hear something comforting from the bible. My faith in the bible is a bit topsy turvy these days...but a scripture or a two wouldn't have gone amiss at that particular time. I guess I would have been a vulnerable target if JDubs were doing their rounds at Cemetaries that day

    Beck

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