I tell you, it truely amazes me how ignorant I allowed myself to be in regards to the teachings of this religion when my wife and I married over 20 years ago. I still can't get over it and forgive myself believing her when she told me after we got married that the JW religion wasn't for her. Perhaps because I am now immersed in the consequences of putting myself through this willful ignorance because of a suspicion I had that finding out TTATT is a rabbit hole that would only lead to more questions than answers in the long term. All of a sudden she starts with the bible study through the guilt trip of her mother. I took the easy approach in thinking I could just wait and hope for my wife to see TTATT eventually. It's a classic kicking the can down the road scenerio. I thought, "I know what I could tell her". As a Catholic, I believed that the belief of Jesus being an angel was an obvious joke that anyone who truely loved God could see eventually. Door knockers passing out magazines for a quarter is a joke of a religion, isn't it? WELL ISN'T IT!!! Their brainwashed right? Hello, honey are you listening to me!!! Haha, how ignoramous of me.
She says to me, "The Trinity, Hell and having an invisible soul is a joke, isn't it? Gahenah and Hades isn't hell and neither is sheoul blah blah blah. The Pope blesses armies to kill people doesn't he? DOESN'T HE!!! The word Trinity isn't even in the bible and this is a God that you believe in!!!" Stopped me dead in my tracks... Not because I didn't know these issues were more complicated than she made them out to be but in that moment, I had no answer because I was shocked. Yet, did I really know my faith? Not well enough obviously. It drew a line in the sand that all of the sudden became very defined. We were really far apart spiritually. "Oh, my God, what do I do now? She's falling for it"?
Being raised in a nominal Catholic home, I didn't know how to respond. Not many more discussions about religion after that. I remember thinking that we still have to give this thing a shot, but it probably wont work. We had no business getting married at 19 but we did and I was going all in and give it my best shot. The lines were drawn and neither one of us was gonna give in. We both sat there on a fence biding our time. Yet we still had to live and I still had to create a home and make a living. In her mind I believe now that all she had to do was make her life as simple as possible and bide her time and that's what she did. I did try to understand Christianity better. Maybe I was wrong so I studied intensely off and on for years. I studied the five points of Calvinism, Lutheranism and Arminian positions. Even studied Christian sects like Seventh Day Adventists, Mormanism and of course Jehovah witnesses. I was all over the place. All for what, so that I can be a good bible ping pong player!
Times were good at times, when religion was left out. Her bible study would stop and then start, stop and start, sometimes years in between. Left me feeling she's coming around. Then, oh no she's not. Then well maybe because she stopped studying again and stopped going to meetings. Then she starts again. Confused the heck out of me and would never talk. I blame most of my silence in not challenging her more often on the belief that she was skiddish and I could scare her off with the wrong words said. So I studied more. Four kids later, distrust sets in. We both have pulled away. She's done and so am I and the kids are caught in the middle. No more biding time, no more sitting on the fence. Yet, her religion is not the same today as it was 20 years ago. Doesn't she know this? Doesn't she know of all the flip flops. Yup she knows and doesn't care cuz it's the Truth.
She's pulling the kids in more and more, slowly. Takes them to a meeting here and there but never back to back. The oldest is still all in and she's working on the others. I don't go to any meetings and she asked me today if I wanted to go. First time she's asked me in about 4 years. Not a doubt in my mind she's getting all kinds of advice. Who is this woman? She played me like a fiddle and here I am for the first time, at home alone while she took them all to meeting. Can you tell? I've thought a lot about the advice I've gotten here but to be honest, none of it has helped much. She's determined, I can see it now more than ever. Everything I do seems to be the wrong move. I'm on this board a lot and read your stories that breaks my heart and yet I feel powerless to do anything in my own situation without causing pain and serious conflict. Have I really done the right thing in hedging all the JW stuff or do I let it all go. Let them all go to meetings. Encourage them, while not going myself? Really??? That can't be right can it???
I know too much now and I've seen disasterous familial breakdown in my wifes family and I do believe much of it is a result of members of her family giving up on ever being acceptable to God. They were JW's for a time but gave up years ago. My wife's gung ho JW mother doesn't speak to her own sisters. One is on drugs, another is psychotic, seriously, and another has been in an abusing marriage for 30 years. One brother died of drug addictions, another brother is constantly in jail and does everything he can to be back in jail when he gets. He is also married to a psychotic woman with 5 kids, some of whom are in foster care because no one can afford to care for them and the other brother is a known child molester and has molested kids in my wifes family years ago and he still lives with my wifes JW grandmother. I mean come on!!! Nooooo, but the religion has nothing to do with it. In fact, they probably all believe that if they all just go back to Jehovah, everything would be great.