Alcohol warning

Mulan

Due to increasing products liability litigation,
American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that
the following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that x-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

Marilyn (aka Mulan)
"No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers

ozziepost

But what about the shiraz?

Cheers,
Ozzie

"If our hopes for peace are placed in the hands of imperfect people, they are bound to evaporate."

- Ron Hutchcraft Surviving the Storms of Stress

waiting

LOL.........the problem is that when one is drunk....one doesn't care about warnings.

Thanks Mulan!

noidea

ROFLMAO!! Love it Mulan..Thanks!!..*giggling to self..not telling how many of the above I know about.

peaceloveharmony

mulan! that's hilarious, now only if i had these warnings a few years ago when i first starting drinking!!! LOL

here's something someone sent me today, it fits :)

THE BUFFALO/BEER THEORY

The answer to one of life's great mysteries! I haven't heard anyone
explain this as well as the all-wise Cliff Clavin, on the sitcom,
Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to
his buddy, Norm...

"Well ya see Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. "In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the lowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

2 hours and counting til happy hour :)

A good friend is someone who will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was f**king awesome."