OK so i have been actively fading but my question to all you faders with family. IF one just fades doesn't it just look like to your kids that you have just become spiritually weak? I mean aren't they my kids just going to ask their mother why I'm not going in time, and that will give her a chance to explain things the way she wants? I'm wondering if this is the right approach??
Faders????
by Crazyguy 6 Replies latest jw experiences
-
-
OnTheWayOut
We all have to figure out the best course for ourselves. You can tell the kids what your problem is with Watchtower. That's a bit more difficult than just fading away. My wife knows my feelings about WTS, but she doesn't tell the elders anything that can get me DF'ed. I can't imagine fading in my situation and acting toward my wife like everything with WTS is right, but it's me that's the problem. I mean, she might think that anyway. But I couldn't say that.
For me, fading is just avoiding the elders and giving them any information about me. I also avoid JW's in general, except for my mother and my wife's family.
-
sosoconfused
My children are 9 and the other is 5. My 9 year old doesn't give a crap. On tuesday she said, "Sometimes its nice to just stay home. We can talk about Jehovah here and its more fun". The 5 year old has no clue one way or the other.
Just take your children to meet other kids in the park or community you live in like any other sane person would. Let them know that worshipping Jehovah from home with your family is fine because Jehovah is happy with it. Once I stopped going to the meetings my wife was concerned for about 1 month, but during that time I was extra sweet to her... not as a means to be coniving but I had more time to do stuff for her and she appreciated the new me.
I also showed her some evidence of watchtower falsehoods and lies. The child abuse stuff infuriated her to the point that she could not take it.
On top of that when people call to the house they only asked for me and not her, which made her realize they only cared about me because I was a former elder. She saw the hypocrisy. Truthfully if you have young children they will be easy to bring along - it was the wife in my instance that was scary.
-
dissonance_resolved
I've been having the same dilemma. One thing that helped me this week- I had prepared some questions on a certain topic for my husband to think about. He's my main focus right now because if we can be on the same page, everything else will fall into place. Unfortunately, he didn't respond as hoped- the thought-stopping set in and my painstakingly crafted logical arguments were tossed to the side in favor of blind aquiescence to an illogical faith. The next day I raised the same questions with my daughter and since she wasn't as brainwashed, the lightbulbs went off! Oh yeah, she said, that makes sense! Why would they ever teach that? Made me feel a little more sane and a little more confident that somehow, some way, some of us will make it out.
-
whathappened
You understand that you won't be df'd for being spiritually weak, but you will for apostasy. Is it worth the risk? Everyone has to decide for themselves.
I am not a game player so I was honest about my beliefs. There have been some rocky times with my grown up daughter and her husband, but they have decided that as long as we don't discuss it we can still maintain contact. Things are a bit strained, but I am happy they are still letting me see them.
-
HarryMac
When I did my fade 11 yrs ago I realized that being a 'spiritual weakling' was the best option.
That went very against my grain. But, it's what I did.
At about 5'ish years into my fade... I quit caring and became vocal. Nobody cared anymore. (I don't have anybody in my household going to the KH though).
-
HarryMac
edit: [erasing double post]