my story... still unfolding

LyinEyes

I will try to be to the point with this and make it as short and sweet as possible. My hubby is Wild Turkey and we have not been to a meeting since may of last year. He was the one who started having doubts and shared them with me, I hit the roof and told him he was gonna bring demons in our home! But I knew he was smarter than that, he has always been a deligent student of the Bible and I knew if he saw something , it had to have some substance to it. I then started asking questions myself thru the internet and to make a long story shorter, we decided together that this was not the "truth" . We still are not sure what real truth is, and even if it is attainable, but we are studing and soaking in all we can about JW history and other religions too. We have 3 kids, the oldest is 15 and he too, wants no part of jw. My hub works out of state alot durning the year, so this was always a hardship on him as an elder. Well, last year we had the chance to leave town for work for over a month.
We took that time to decide what to do with our lives now, where would we go from there. I laid out at the motel pool for a month, got a good tan, and read the Bible for the first time without a watchtower . Things started to seems so clear, and scriptures jumped out to me that I had never seen before. We knew we couldnt go back,
he several weeks later and stepped down as an elder. They knew his work was a hinderance and at first never suspected "apostacy". That has been our stance for the last year almost, we didnt go to the memorial ,which was the first one I ever missed my whole life. I dont feel guilty anymore, I feel free and happy. I know many of you know the trauma of leaving the borg and the problems with getting over being brainwashed. That was the hardest thing for me, wanting to run back , just for safety , it was all I have ever known. But as others in ex jw chat rooms told me, there will be many stages of recovery. I think we are doing great as a family and I dont see that I will ever go back. I just cant trust JW anymore and I just dont beleive all the teachings , especially shunning, d/f .
I just go day to day knowing that I accept Jesus sacrifice and I try to pray , I hope He will have mercy on all of us. I am sure he will.
In the meantime, I am going back to relive some of my wasted teenage years by going out on weekends and dancing with my husband and trying to have some fun.
I have alot of bitterness to the JW Org because of my own home life growing up a witness. My dad was an elder, therefore I could do no wrong or it would be hell to pay. Mother was hooked on prescription drugs, they were both hypocrites, but mom was very lonely and sad.
When I was 17 , dad was still an elder , mom still on drugs, dad began an affair with a sister only 8 yrs older than me. Mom went to rehab and started smoking, got d/f , 4 months later , she killed herself. No one came to her funeral or even tried to help her.
So I have bitterness , anger and I want a reckoning with some of the elders who turned their backs on her when she needed help. They let her problem go so dad could stay an elder. I only began to realize this , this year. I was so blinded by the way they did her.
But my life is a good life, I am free , things are about to explode soon for us, we just stopped going to the meetings and they dont understand why. Well they have ideas of apostacy but are to afraid to ask. So they are beginning to shun us, and I am about ready to just write a letter of d/a . It would be closure for me . I will let you know how this story unfolds

dungbeetle

This was my first deliberately missed Memorial as well. A real milestone for me. I don't plan on going to another Watchtower 'Lord's Neverending Meal'.

It seemes to me many of us lose one or both of our parents at an early age, inside or outside the Watchtower. Some of us 'lose our parents emotionally tho not bodily. Some of us just can't win.

I wish you and your family well on your spiritual journey.

(((Lyin'))) and welcome to the board.

Prisca

Hello Lyin and congratulations on mustering up the courage to put your story up.

I brought up in the "truth" like you were. Although as I approached my late-20s, I started to doubt the Watchtower beliefs. I decided not to DA myself, simply because I refuse to play by their rules anymore.

I lost my mum when I was young too. It leaves a terrible void, and I'm sorry that your mother was treated so horribly. Those elders have much to answer for.

You have a great positive attitude, and that will serve you well on your exit out of the WT.

Glad to have you here!

Latte

Lyin'Eyes,

Welcome to the board!

I wouldn't be too hasty with that DA letter, personally, I feel that now I am out, I no longer recognize their silly rules. They would love you to DA, then they have the joy of announcing it to the congregation. I will e-mail you privately if you don't mind.

Latte

Lyin'Eyes,

Just checked...your e-mail is locked. My own situation is quite similar to yours. If you would like to 'chat' please e-mail me.

All the best whatever you decide!

Latte

Pathofthorns

Thanks for sharing your experience and welcome.

I am sure you will find peace in your decision and when you find freedom after having been in 'slavery' it is all the more appreciated.

Please think over your decision to DA yourself. There is no rush to do so and waiting about six months would help you decide for sure that this is what you really want to do. Many of us changed our minds and we were glad to have not sent in that letter.

Good luck on your journey.

Path

PS, I enjoy your husband's posts. "Wild Turkey" reminds me of this cheap illegal booze we used to buy that was smuggled from the US. LOL

WildHorses

Lyin,

It is going to be tough on you two for a while now. Once they suspect the big A.

You know we are always here for you when you need someone to just listen.

Here is a (((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))) for you and Wild Turkey.

Lilacs

I don't want someone in my life I can live with. I want someone in my life I can't live without.

Carmel

Hi eyes!

Welcome to apostate central! We're a wacky but wonderful bunch. A thorn or two here and there but what the heck, that just makes you appreciate the flowers!

I can only say that I am proud of your taking ahold of your life and not continuing to secome to the mind control of the Elders and their minions. It's amazing how powerful social stigma can have on the human mind. We want so despritly to be accepted, to be considered okay, but the cost in the borg is too high and any inteligent person sooner or later when hit with a trauma will take stock and see what you have seen.

God bless and welcome. Hope you stick around.

carmel

TexSham

"They let her problem go so dad could stay an elder."

The extent to which jw leadership places the interests of the organization over the interests of it's members is unexscusable.

There are lots of writings on the sins of the Catholic Church and other religious organizations, but very little, only recently a small number of books and some grass-roots organized websites, that pull back the curtain on the jw's.

LucidSky

Hi LyinEyes. Just caught your story. It certainly takes strength to follow through with what you know in your heart is right. It seems very difficult at first and it is not always easy, but it does get easier as you go.

The people here are great, so know that you're not alone!

my story... still unfolding

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