When have you been 'encouraged' by a brother or sister to do something you didn't want to do, or didn't feel able to do? And how did you FEEL afterwards?
by The Quiet One 6 Replies latest jw friends
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MrFreeze
I was "encouraged" to get baptised by a sister. I felt great. Like I was really serving Jehovah to my fullest at such a young age. Then several years later I realized I had made a mistake.
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punkofnice
I was 'counselled(TM)' on the TMS (as another poster described it 'the Muppet show'), that it was good that I use a wide vocabulary.
The next talk I gave it was a different Bro(TM) that 'counselled(TM)' me the opposite.
From then on I viewed the TMS as a load of crap for big heads to look down on you.
Ironically, I became TMS overseer.
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AnnOMaly
Newly married. CO visit. CO and wife came over for lunch. They 'encouraged' us to reach out for the circuit work or something - young, no kids, so there's no reason why we couldn't, right? I felt so 'under the spotlight,' and we couldn't formulate a 'valid' reason not to, that I began to cry. We didn't have the tools or confidence back then to be assertive. I don't think I ever invited any COs and their wives for lunch again.
Another CO's wife 'encouraged' me to pioneer (same reasoning as above). We were partnered up in FS and again, I felt under pressure and guilted because I wasn't pioneering. Actually, I had reg. aux'ed for a time and stopped because the stress affected my health, but I was 'encouraged' to give it another chance. I then did another spell of it. Again, it affected my nervous health, so I quit. I think I avoided working with CO's wives after that too.
I have to say that both times, the CO and wife weren't being nasty or anything. They were just a little too pushy and probing and, had I not been the young and sensitive soul that I was at the time, I would have just blown it off and forgotten about it.
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The Quiet One
"weren't being nasty or anything. They were just a little too pushy and probing" ..and you came away feeling guilty? Exactly. What is the real meaning of 'encouragement', and what is the effect on people?
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DATA-DOG
I just say, " thanks, that's interesting." Usually trying to encourage someone doesn't work in WT Land, because they are not really concerned about you. They just want you to be like them. You are not good enough, hence the "encouragement." Another reason for the constant upbuilding reminders ( ahem..cough..) is that you cannot be different because it may mean that they are the ones who need to change, and that simply cannot be.
I used to be very rough on my wife because she was out of shape. I was in excellent shape, and felt that she should be also. What was wrong with her?! She must be lazy. She needed to be constantly reminded that she did not measure up, for her own good of course. Why wasn't she concerned with being like me?! This made her feel like crap, which of course was my real goal all along, break her down and re-build her as the saying goes. ( I wonder where I learned that?!) Then a series of unfortunate events brought me down to a mortal level of fitness. Age creeped in and I was humbled because I simply could not do certain things. It was not a laziness issue, I simply could not do it. Then I was on the recieving end of " encouragement " from the BOE who simply had no clue what it was like to be in my shoes, and really didn't care. They wanted me to be a certain way, not for me, but for them. Their reputations depended on certain statistics being met by all in the KH. All they really care about is how they look to the CO, and he to the Branch and so on....
I realized that my wife was doing her best, and that was good enough. I also realized that my judgmental attitude was nurtured by the WTBTS. I also learned that people can sense when you really care, and when your " encouragement is a canned speech with no real concern. Now I look around at the sheep without a shepherd, the poor JW's who can never be good enough and deep down they know it. It's heart breaking, the way they are treated by those who "love" them.
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Mum
I was "encouraged" to:
Go out in service on my only day off (felt guilty)
Get baptized at 17 (which I did, to my eternal regret)
pioneer (I didn't, but put in more than the 10-hour goal, but wasn't inclined to be a salesperson then or ever; felt like I was woefully inadequate)
lose weight (by my JW elder husband, which I did, but developed "yoyo syndrome" and felt anxious and disapproved of)
not take college courses (which I did, but by that time, I realized I was doing the right thing for myself and my child, and did it and enjoyed it)