Don't Make Jehovah Sad Because You Know What Happened Last Time He Cried His Eyes Out (leaps in logic)

by frankiespeakin 8 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  frankiespeakin

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSrdWK4t3XY

  Yes we all know what happened, Jehovah cried, and the world died, he cried those sea water tears for 40 days(nights encluded) the waters rose and people died, so please the watchtower corporation is begging you, you little ones especially, please don't upset Jehovah and make him sad throw those wizzard toys in the garbage, better yet, burn them, because we don't want to be blood guilty by leaving these dangerous toys where other children might get them. In fact all these demonic toys should have a label on them warning:"possesion of this toy makes our heavenly father sad please disguard after opening". This would be a wonderful way to prepare for life in the new world where the Governing Body get all the Booty and finally begin to rule as kings for a 1000 years, which I'm sure according to present trends possesion of such toys will be a capital offense so prepare for life in that new world order now by engageing in covert iconoclastic raids on toy stores and make Jehovah happy.

  Another thing that really seem to get the tears flowing for Jehovah according to Genesis is building tall buildings, we call them skyscrapers in our modern world, but back in anceint times Jehovah put a ban on these because to put it bluntly, it made him sad. Jehovah got so sad that he went down to the earth to investigate a rumor going around in heaven that humans were doing OK and it looked like Satan might be the winner after all, and that mankind was doing fine by not obeying him even building a mega structure tower to avoid great loss in life in case Jehovah decided to drown them like he did a few hundred years ago and so he confused their languages because he was afraid that if he didn't modern technology would come sooner and he would loose his bet with Satan and mankind could then just go on their merry way without him, which would make him really really sad.

  So the Governing Body thought it wise to forbid tonka toys, legos, or errector sets for boys(and girls with boyish tendancies) to keep them out of trouble with Jehovah. Barbie & Ken dolls have come up for concideration by the Governing Body and these are concidered safe to have as long as they don't sleep together and if they do they must be properly married by a JW elder, and EasyBake Oven toys make Jehovah happy as they cause a restful odor to assend to Jehovah(Gen. 8:21)(boys cannot have these as they lead to feminizing them Deut. 22:5*) and keep Jehovah from crying.

  * 5 A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God gets sad at anyone who does this.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMwXPueu-RM
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  frankiespeakin

  No one has any right to make Jehovah sad.

  Satan is making Jehovah sad by his challenging his Soverneignty and so in order to make himself happy he made a bet with Satan that he was sure to win(being that he could alway pull magic tricks on him and cheat).

  Satan agreed with the wager and they both shook hands on it, the exact wording of such a bet is not in the bible but you can believe it happened because the Governing Body say it did.

  It is true that over the years Jehovah has pulled a couple of fast ones on Satan make him loose like making the human less efficeint to the point that they get sick grow old and eventually die, killed lot of mankind for useing technology and building things to make life better.

  God's got a lot riding on this bet so he being more powerful than Satan he not leaving things to chance but plans to destroy most of mankind soon so they won't be able to accomplish a better life without complete obediance to him then he's gonna collect his winning from Satan by throwing him in an abys for a thousand years let him live for a little while and then kill him.
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  Perversion of a truth

  LOL!! This is great!
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  AndDontCallMeShirley

  Another thing that really seem to get the tears flowing for Jehovah according to Genesis is building tall buildings, we call them skyscrapers in our modern world

  so he confused their languages

  ---

  LOL, Frankie!

  With advances in skyscraper technology 15,000+ years ago, I imagine those Babel builders could've reached an impressive height of 5 or 6 stories, being that they were using awesome materials like dirt bricks.

  Since god apparently doesn't have very good vision he found it necessary to go down to earth to see what was going on. Hmmm..

  In his great omniscience, he couldn't foresee that confusing human languages would eventually result in real problems when it came to effectively interpretting and translating his word, the Bible, effectively making it's message garbled at best.
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  Iown Mylife

  LOL! Barbie and Ken have to get married if they sleep together! HAHAHAHA!! And the easy bake oven sends a restful odor! LOLOL!!! Thank you for the funny story, love it!
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  frankiespeakin

  Shirley,

  Since god apparently doesn't have very good vision he found it necessary to go down to earth to see what was going on. Hmmm..

  The speed of light 186,000 miles a second so Jehovah got to move in closer with his magical power so he can see, hearing sounds much slower(1mile 5seconds) so he's got to move in real close to really get a good picture one in which the sounds are in sink with the lips, or else he might get confused.
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  Band on the Run

  Indeed, even as a toddler I knew not to vex Jehovah. If Jah were mortal, he would spend hard time in prison for life. Anger Mgmt would be mandatory.what toddler behavior.
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  adamah

  Let's be rational about this, and compare what each has accomplished:

  Under Satan's rule, mankind has figured out that there is NO solid dome (firmament) covering the Earth which God rests his feet on and/or walks on (which God lied about, BTW), which means men were able to create flying machines without worrying about running into the brass dome roof. Hence freed of the worry of a mid-air collision, this led to development of rocket ships, satellites, sending a man to the Moon, exploring other planets in our solar system, launching deep space probes, etc.

  We've since cracked the DNA code to create the science of genetic engineering which allows us to treat a host of genetic diseases, harassed nuclear power, and have built automobiles that run on electricity. We've managed to temper our environment enough to make floods a distant memory (for the most part: we still face the significant challenge of addressing global climate change). Satan is managing 7 billion humans alive on Earth.

  Under God's rule before the Fall, Adam and Eve, the only TWO HUMANS YHWH had to manage quickly pissed God off by breaking the ONE rule they were given, and we all got punished as a result (there's that idea of 'incurred debts of prior generations' again, a concept we've long-since abandoned as our fundamental sense of morality developed). 1,000 years later, and God decided to reset the Planet since SOMEONE forgot to say that murder was a crime, and forgot to delegate authority to mankind to establish a system of criminal law. Whoopsie-daisy!

  Since then, men have spent a whole lot of time praying for a better life in the future and for God to smite their oppressors, without actually doing anything to make it happen.

  So how long is this little "I can run things better than you" test supposed to last? Because if humans are allowed to vote on the outcome of the Universal Sovereignty Issue, I know MY decision. Wait a minute: you mean to tell me God is the judge who hears and decides the case, when He's also a NAMED PARTY in the trial? Haven't Christians ever heard of a "conflict of interest", where even human judges are expected to recuse themselves from hearing a case if they're even REMOTELY involved in the matter? Fortunately, YHWH is a fair guy (and why am I remembering the incident where Abraham felt compelled to shame Jehovah into doing the right thing in handling of Sodom and Gomorrah, with the "surely YHWH is a just God" spiel that led to bargaining the number down to 10 just men being found in Sodom)?

  Even though Satan and/or YHWH don't actually exist (which ALSO is something some people have figured out, too), I know which way I'd vote if they DID exist....

  VOTE TEAM SATAN IN 2014!!!
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  frankiespeakin

  What Adamah said: ^^^^