I would rather watch a drunk count his change than sit inside another Kingdom Hall.
Kingdom Hall is a Jehovah’s Witness’ idea of how to suck the entertainment value out of the End of the World. Other Christians go to church, but, not JW’s.
Their house of worship is just a Hall and they are amateurs.
Trust me, amateur preachers are as sincere as all get out but annoying as hemorrhoids.
I should know, I once was a Jehovah’s Witness and as such, was a royal pain in the ass.
I learned to state the obvious with a sense of discovery. I learned to take ordinary words and scrape the insides out like cleaning a pumpkin in order to craft a phrase like:
“Are you in the TRUTH?”
In that instance the word Truth is now a jack-o-lantern. It means: Crap the Watchtower teaches this week before it changes its mind!
JW’s are fundamentalists. There is your standard black and then, there is plain white. Those are the only two “colors” in their rainbow!
They are like those moms sitting at a table in front of your favorite grocery store with a stack of Girl Scout cookies peddling sugar diabetes for the cause. You want to run screaming away from them, but—gosh, they just look so sincere and sweet. You’d feel like a chump rebuffing them.
Beware, there are real bats and cobwebs going in inside their JW religion; don’t kid yourself, honey!
If you believe every word they teach they’ll love bomb you like a long lost cousin. If you become one of them but later change your mind—they’ll cut you dead so fast you won’t hear the rope snap around your apostate neck! Why, just look at all those creepy smiles as you dangle and twitch!
What makes Jehovah’s Witnesses so…so…infuriatingly convinced they have the “truth”?
What floats their boat that they are the only true religion?
It is the “fact” that everything they teach comes from the Bible!
(Note: when I say “Bible” I mean the Watchtower magazine and a gazillion bible study “aids” as interpreter of said holy scriptures!)
In Witness-land (mythical kingdom where pigs fly) the “bible study” is a pantomime where everybody goes through the motions of studying the Bible. The fine folks who run this religion would really like you to think that is what’s going on. It isn’t. A rusty bucketful of disconnected bible quotes are strung together with a lot of spin and a colorful story. It ends up being The Truth. (You know, like when Bernie Madoff explained what a great investment was.)
You are compelled to believe their spin. You are required to act on it. You are admonished never to question it in any way. Worst of all, you must be totally LOYAL to the great and powerful Oz.
(Little old white haired men behind the curtain with the initials GB (Governing Body).
Don’t cross these guys! No-no-no!
They are “anointed” as kings and priests. They are humble superstars! If you don’t believe it—ask them who the bible was really written for because, according to them, it isn’t you or me. It is for THEM! Yep. They don’t need Jesus as their mediator either. They belong to the same country club with the Old Man’s son himself! Anybody who disagrees is toast.
I hope, by my tone, you don’t think I’m calling this religion a confederacy of dunces.
Their beliefs are crazier than granny’s quilt but they can make the pot boil, sweetheart! They all walk around with aces falling out of their sleeves like modern day Doc Holidays. Don’t make em’ draw on you or the sound of the Bang! won’t reach you till your head hits the hardwood floor.
Meaning what?
Jehovah’s Witnesses are sharpshooters that have rehearsed their fast draw to within a cat’s whisker of much faster than you. This means you shootin’ your mouth off has been anticipated and planned for a month in advance of clearin’ yer holster, Sonny.
What do you suppose they’ve been learning in those butt-numbing folding chairs all these years at the local Kingdom Hall if not how to tie you into a pretzel with their fancy page-flippin’ tricks? Ask that JW at your door if you can have a peep at their personal copy of the New World Translation bible. Then, get ready for an eye-opener!
See all those highlights and under-lines and margin notes? That’s a bandolier of bullets for your scrawny carcass should you challenge them to a duel at high noon on your own porch steps!
You can’t beat a man at his own game. Don’t waste your breath. If you have prepared for your encounter with the seersucker suit and bookbag totin’ yokel don’t kid yourself that they will listen to a word of objection, refutation or back sass! J-Dubs will flash the undertaker’s smile and tell you they’ll go research your query and get back to you. Sure. And Elvis is going to come back with them.
I joined the Watchtower organization back when Jesus use to shave and lived through Him growing a beard. I was a Jehovah’s Witness in good standing, too. I proved it by refusing to salute Old Glory or Pledge Allegiance to the flag or celebrate Christmas or Easter or…well, heck; I did DO something!
I spent 1967-69 behind razor wire making little rocks out of big ones. JW’s don’t cotton to war or the military, you see. In my 20 th year of life I had more quarrel with the local Draft Board, F.B.I. and District Court than I had with the Viet Cong!
Of Historical note:
In 1966, boxer Mohammed Ali—who avoided the draft in 1964, when he failed a qualifying psychological test—was declared a 1A under the Army’s lowered standards, making him eligible to be drafted. However, as a Muslim, he believed that only Allah could command him to go to war.
On April 28, 1967, after three appeals were denied, Ali was forced to appear at an induction ceremony in Houston. He performed all the qualifying tests, but when he was called to step forward to symbolize induction, he refused.
Two months later, a Houston jury took only 20 minutes to convict Ali—(still called Cassius Clay ) in court—of draft evasion. He was given a five-year prison sentence and a $10,000 fine. He would also be stripped of his passport and his heavyweight title, and was banned from fighting in the United States.
Ali had been represented by Hayden C. Covington, a Jehovah's Witness attorney who had argued many Supreme Court cases successfully over issues of religious freedom.
Ali spent the next three years free while his conviction was on appeal; he lectured at universities and Muslim gatherings around the United States and gained support as anti-war sentiment increased.
His appeal would reach the Supreme Court in 1971. In Clay v. United States, the Court ruled 8-0 that Ali met the three standards for conscientious objector status: that he opposed war in any form, that his beliefs were based on religious teaching and that his objection was sincere. His conviction was reversed.
(Source: On This Day: Muhammad Ali Convicted of Draft Evasion
June 20, 2011 06:00 AM by Denis Cummings )
I, on the other hand, didn’t fare as well!
