Here it is April 16, 2002. I have not been out in service for, oh, about 2-3 years now? My wife is the die-hard JW who always reaches her quota, if not a little more. We have been in a new congregation for about a year now, and we have yet to receive a "shepherding visit" from the local elders. I find that quite odd simply because I rarely attend the meetings and never go out in service, not even with my wife. Yet, I know most of the congregation very well and get along with them all. We are always being invited to go out to eat or into someone's home for lunch or dinner. I am fairly sure that ALL of the brothers and sisters realize that I am inactive, but yet, they still pal around with us as if I am a ministerial servant or something.
I do not feel the shunning attitude from anyone I meet in the hall. And can you believe that not once have I been asked to go out in service by any of the elders? That just blows me away! I am always ready for the question to pop up after one of the meetings. "Jourles, how would you like to go out in service this Saturday for an hour or two with me and brother so-and-so?" I am always cringing after the meeting hoping that no brothers will ever ask me that. I could easily fake it and say that I will be out of town working and I will let them know as soon as I can whether or not if I can make it out.
Not even when we eat dinner at one of the friends houses and I get isolated with the "brother of the house," do they ever ask me to go in service. I like having the presence of my wife in those situations so that I can deflect any organizational questions that may arise in the conversation. One evening we had dinner at our bookstudy conductor's house along with another couple who were an elder and pioneer. I was separated from my wife out of the kitchen by the two elders and I began to feel uneasy. I prayed to god that they would not give me the org quiz. (Both know that I am inactive. What did you expect me to think!?) Fluff. Can you believe that is all we talked about for about 40 minutes? "How's your job going? What is it exactly that you do again? Golf season is coming up - do you golf too? The brothers were thinking about putting together a weekly football game. You interested?" Now mind you, these are not your ordinary low-ladder-rung elders. Both are gung-ho for the org and are truly company men.
What stumps me though is after reading through some of the posts here about elders having to make the rounds to visit inactive or irregular ones, I have not yet been the target of this visit. I have never been told by anyone about the 15 minute rule or anything else for that matter. I would think that the elders would say something to me about going out for only 15 minutes just to get rid of my "inactive" status. Or else they would do it for themselves to make the congregation records look better for the CO.
How is it that I can go on being buddy buddy pal pal with everyone in the hall, but yet miss meetings, skip service, and have the title of "inactive" over my head but everything otherwise seems normal? I am beginning to feel that some elders can read hearts. If they can read mine, then that may be the reason for the non-inquisitive nature they have been displaying towards me. For if they knew what I thought, they would realize that my heart is no longer in the truth and I am merely playing along to keep the relationship going with my wife. Maybe that is the reason. It would be extremely damaging to the friends in the hall to go after me and get me to confess my true thoughts as it would eventually lead directly to my df'ment or the da'ing of myself.