Why do I feel such so bad?

by Marilyn 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    This is the deal: I'm disfed as of 1981. I've known the shunning thing all these years. I have devout JW siblings and my parents are JWs but not active or unreasonably devout. My father is 80 and my mother is 77. My mother has metastatic breast cancer and is currently receiving treatment.

    The Government has supplied carers and various home services for my parents which have worked out quite well for the last three years. My parents are particulary fond of the lady who comes three hours a week to do light house work or take them to the doctor or out to lunch if they feel like it.

    My JW sister lives close by but until 6 weeks ago has not been overly involved in helping my parents in any way. Apart from nagging my father to go to the meetings and providing transport for them when they were able to attend.

    Because my sister's husband is a PO and window cleaner extraordinaire they don't have much money. In recent times they have been pressuring my parents to subdivid their large suburban block into two so they could build a house on the spare block and ostensibly look after my parents. In my opinion they just wanted the block of land and used the looking after theme to get the land for nothing. My mother has finally said no to them having the land and they appear to have given up asking (for the moment).

    So the latest scheme is for my sister to apply to the Government for a carers allowance to look after my parents on a daily basis. My sister, who hasn't been actively involved in caring for my parents until 6 weeks ago has already put in the papers to receive this allowance. The worst part being that my parents will likely lose their regular carer who they have become very attached to - and who is extremely reliable.

    So I got on the phone to my sister this morning and told her that I thought it was very unethical for her to apply for money to look after her parents - and I didn't want my parents to lose their regular carer just so my sister could get money from the Governemtn. I told her that it was her christian obligation to look after her parents and I couldn't believe she wanted money for it.

    Where do I fit in? I live an hours plane flight away. However I visit my parents three times a year and work my butt off to fix up their garden or paint out rooms or thoroughly clean the house while I'm there. BUT I don't live there and my sister was quick to remind me of that.

    Anyway I made my sister cry. She's such a sad little person with a typical domineering husband who's pretty well made her life a misery. And all I can do is make her life even harder! Yet I've had to put up with their acting all superior towards me coz I left Jehovah bla bla bla. I feel like a real shit for making my sister cry. Yet I never received a moments compassion when I was disfellowshipped and shunned for no longer believing the WTS was the truth. Why do I feel such a shit?

    Marilyn

  • nativenyr23
    nativenyr23

    M-

    Sorry to read about your dilemma. But you have no reason to feel like a shit....sounds like your sister's tears were just crocodile tears to lay on the guilt....something witnesses are really good at.
    If she really cared, she would have been involved for longer than just 6 weeks and wouldn't rip a loved caretaker away your parents in such a manner.

    She sounds like a greedy bitch to me. Sorry if that's blunt...but siblings like that piss me off. I too have family like that. Great with guilt trips and manipulation. ugh!

  • noidea
    noidea

    {{{Marilyn}}}

    You were right in confronting your sister on this..I was appalled that she would even consider any compensation for caring for your parents. It shows that she has no heart and you should not let yours ache because she cried.

  • Kismet
    Kismet

    Marilyn:

    Why do you feel like shit? It's because you still have a heart.

    I admire you greatly for looking out for your parents' interests. It is a shame you sister was hurt but who knows maybe it will motivate her o do more in caring for her responsibilities too.

    Or as some people do, they cry to shift attention from the fact that they were just caught and crying might make the person feel guilty.

    Keep takin care of your parents and watching out for their interests Marilyn. Your sister can and should be doing the same. IF she feels badly about not doing her Christian duty, then she can easily remedy it. If she doesn't I know I would be left with the impression that the crying was just a tactic.

    Hoping all is well there with you and yours. It has been a while. I presume your daughter has her degree now? Keeping you in my thoughts

    Kismet

  • QUEENIE
    QUEENIE

    I agree Nativenry23 -- I could not have said it better WE NEED TO do lunch sometime when you are in my neighborhood some time..(((((hugs))))

  • Beck_Melbourne
    Beck_Melbourne

    Hi Marilyn

    What a bully you are!!! LOL..just kidding.

    I guess your sister can see an opportunity and she wants to grab at it with both hands. Having a PO for a husband she should know that her christian duty towards her aging parents is not on the condition of the dollar note (or coin I should say).

    She is using the distance between you and your parents as a weapon...because she has a guilty conscience for seeking monetary rewards for what should be a biblical and ethical obligation. Tut Tut at her.

    Don't feel guilty for making her cry...call a spade a spade. First they want to build on your folks land...and now this govt allowance...I can see a pattern. Good for you for pointing out her alteria motive Marilyn.

    Beck

  • DakotaRed
    DakotaRed

    Isn't it amazing how they condemn the Governments and refuse to show honor or respect to them, yet take advantage of any monetary gain they can from them! If anyone should feel like shit it should be your sister. But, with a Watchtower honed conscience, that is not likely.

    You did right, Marilyn. Your feeling sad shows that you have a Bible trained conscience and that you honestly care.

    If God's Spirit is filling a Kingdom Hall, how is it that Satan can manuever the ones within that Kingdom Hall at the same time?

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    Hey guys, thanx for your quick reasuring responses. I really have to say that I don't think my sister is a bad person. She's a good person who's just been badly led by a crack-pot regime. I feel if you took the religion out of her she'd be one sweet and caring lady. Plus the religion has rendered her and her husband poor as it does with so many witnesses who try to "put the kingdom interests first". In the end they don't put the kindgom interests first rather they spend their lives doing menial jobs earning a pitence and living from hand to mouth. They end up desperate and are forced to apply for money for things the rest of us manage to do out of the goodness of our hearts. It's very sad.

    Kismet -Hi! Yeah the daughter is now licenced to kill!!! :-))))))

    Marilyn

  • ashitaka
    ashitaka

    Don't feel bad Mari-Even assholes can cry on command. They're skilled manipulaters. I really don't feel sorry for anyone who would try to swindle old people, not at all.

    My mother took care of my grandfather until the end of his life, and he even died in my mother's house, just so he could pass away comfortable as possible, and with dignity.

    My shit-hole auntie still gets a third of the inheritance money, though, and my mother, none of the credit. It just the way things go.

    I'm sure your parents appreciate all you do and know who their true family really is. Have your parents speak up. Tell them to tell your sister to go to hell. It's their right to dictate their care. Have them go to a lawyer if they have to.

    Good luck, and don't get upset or feel sorry for your sister!

    ashi

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