After my earlier post I've realised that this is all too complicated. JWs are not as we imagine them to be. We end up with a really twisted view of them and they of us. The reality is much less defined and obscured by our emotions and all the variables of any given situation. People replied to me that my sister is the shit - but basically she isn't a shit. Her dub life is just so awful she can't afford the luxury of our ethics. The WTS has taken away much of her dignaty and she doesn't have a clue that she is behaving badly by decent folks standards.
I found out later that it was her birthday today. Not that she's celebrated it for 30 yrs - but remember how we used to feel special on our birthday even though we tried to be brave and pretend we didn't care? Also she fell down some stairs on the weekend and hurt herself badly - which I forgot. So today I decided it's time she was treated like a grown up and I tell her her behavior stinks. She cries. She cries because her life is terrible. She is so unhappy and has been for years. She can just about manage as long as no one pokes her thru the bars of her WT cage. But every now and then someone (usually me) gives her a reality check and she can't take it. She's not strong enough. Those weren't crocodile tears she cried, those were tears of humiliation and dispair.
I am the shit because I am stronger than her - I should have found a kinder way of dealing with the situation.
Whether you think so or not, perhaps the greatest kindness you can offer your sister are the occasional "reality checks" where she is forced to see how badly the WTS has screwed up her life.
If it weren't for those kinds of confrontations, drug addicts, alcoholics, and other people whose bad behaviour impacts on those around them, would never be able to see themselves with the same clarity that others see them. All you did was hold up a mirror and forced her to look at what she's become. She was rightly horrified.
Yes, I understand how awful you feel right now, but that's good. It tells me that you will never let yourself treat your parents or anyone else the way your sister has. Maybe its confrontations like this that will help her - eventually - to re-examine her belief system and will provide a stepping stone for her to leave.
I don't know how close you two are, but is it possible for you to sit down with her in person and have a heart-to-heart with her?
Ask her: is she really happy with her life? If not, why not?
Before I left the JWs, I was desperately unhappy - not just with my life, but with myself. I had become a JW drone. I was a shell of a person with no soul. Once I took a good look at myself, understood what my core values were, I made some changes. And one of those changes was leaving a religious system that was sucking me dry.
BTW, I'll be at the Melbourne apostofest next month. I look forward to meeting you then
I ready your first post regarding your sister. I understand the place you are at now.
Your wrote:
JWs are not as we imagine them to be. We end up with a really twisted view of them and they of us. The reality is much less defined and obscured by our emotions
Isn't that the truth! I do admit that I vasilate between the two positions of "them" being heartless creeps and that of being victims of the WTS. They think of us as apostates, licking our chops at the thought of destroying all that is dear to them. In our anger and resentment, we forget that WE are, indeed, the lucky ones.
So, you lost your cool with her. Your human, and sometimes that happens. Even with US .
Andee and Prisca, I really appreciate hearing your perspectives. I have felt very low over this. I think I might have managed a learning curve though, so all is not lost.
Of course it all comes back to involvement with the WTS in any way = a bum wrap!
Prisca, I think my sister would be open to discussion, but she is afraid of her husband and she's afraid to think - especially when invited to do so by her wicked apostate sister.
