The JW life

TweetieBird

My mother-in-law, who has several children, leads a miserable existence because of being a witness. She stays in constant turmoil because usually at any given time one or more of her children is in a disfellowshipped state. None are spiritual giants, however all believe that the witnesses have the truth except one, my spouse. There is another child that is having doubts. I say children, but really all are over the age of 25 but in her mind they are children, therefore, she feels she can control their lives.

Recently her daughter said it would be nice to get together with her and not talk about any of the family problems and just have a nice discussion that is upbeat and positive. Her reply, "Just what do I have to be happy about?" Her life is so centered on her children that until ALL are living the JW life, she will not be happy.

I use to have a great relationship with her and we were able to talk about many different subjects, but now I avoid her because she is hell-bent on trying to save me. It is really sad because she has absolutely nothing in her life, except "Jehovah" and she is a miserable soul because she fears that most of her children are going to die at Armageddon because they are not pioneering or ministerial servants or elders. She lives in constant turmoil because of this.

She called us last week to let us know how disappointed she was that we did not attend the "special talk that was given around the world to all of Jehovah's people at the same time." My husband told her that he was sorry that it hurts her that we don't go, but that we can't live a lie. He continued that maybe someday we will have a change of heart (NOT) but that for now she is just going to have to accept things the way they are.

I wish there was some way to be around her without my spirituality being an issue. Does anyone have any ideas of how to shut her up without hurting her feelings?

Dogpatch

Hi Tweetie,
She is living in their virtual reality world, which can never be satisfying because it is impossible to achieve with free-willed creatures. Until the day dawns on her, she will not be moved. I would just keep gently confronting her with the fact that she is living in a dream world. Real life is all around her, she just has to open her eyes to see it. Once she does, healing and restoration can begin.
Randy

Psychological Issues among JWs
http://www.freeminds.org/psych/psych.htm

Andyman

I remember one sister in my old congregation who was in her 90's. Her grandson came to a metting with his mom, and the grandmother had not seen him in over 2 years. He came up and gave her a hug and asked her how she was. The first thing she asked was if he had been Baptized yet as a JW. He said no, and she then went off on him and told him he better stop messing around and get with it or he was going to die along with the rest of "Satans" followers. He just looked at her while she continued to chew him out. He didn't know what to say or do.

I always thought the lady was just old and senile, but now after years of hearing the stories others tell I think that it is like you said, their whole life is trying to get every family member to become a JW, and if they don't they feel like they have failed some how.

What a way to spend your life!

Take care.

Andyman:

SYN

(((Tweetie))) Good luck with her...it really sucks that people can get into states like this, but that's life...

Seven006: "Have you tried drugs? Shooting up a little heroin might do the trick, it's hard to type when your stoned out of your mind. I don't know how TR does it!"

joelbear

It took a long time to get to this point with my parents.

I used to get mad when they would bring up the issue of meetings, changing my lifestyle, them not being happy until all their kids and grandkids were active witnesses, etc. etc. etc. This would end up with my mother crying, me feeling guilty and being upset for days.

Then, I tried another approach. I just didn't respond. I just changed the subject and my mother began to just start talking to me about life in general instead of focussing on witness topics.

Over the years, I have repaired our relationship about as much as it can be repaired and my parents and I actually enjoy each other's company. They treat me similarly to the way they treat their other disbelieving relatives, they just don't bring it up.

Joel

TexSham

I think the old bags turmoil is a power play

TweetieBird

TexSham,

By George, I think you've got it. But that's not the only thing.

Years ago her kids would always come to her if they had money problems or other problems and she would always be Mrs. Fix-it. Now that her kids are on their own, making decent livings and what-not, she's not as needed as she once was, therefore, she now feels impelled to fix their spirituality.

One elder told my husband one time that he felt like she was the type of person that needed stress and turmoil in her life to exist. I thought he was crazy when he said it, but I think he may have been right.

TexSham

Being the fixer is all about power to: "See I told you so, what would you do without me." In this case, seems the spirituality and the cash flow are both tools to gain power. Later . . .

The JW life

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