In the seats of Kingdom Halls, you wait patiently for the meetings to end so you can escape the lie you've forced yourself to live. At the conventions you smile at people you grew up with knowing that if they knew how you truly felt, they would leave you with nothing but memories.
You have questions. You may even have answers. But every day is a painful struggle to weigh the pro's and con's of finally speaking your mind and leaving the Society.
Your friends in the congregation feel like the only friends you can ever make. You've been told that the world outside the walls of the Organization are harsh and demonic. That only serving Jehovah would provide protection from the elements of a Satanic system.
Your family is loyal to Jehovah and have been made to believe that they can't serve Jehovah faithfully if they associate with someone who thinks the way you do. You fear they will pick Jehovah and the Organization over you. You don't know if you're strong enough to endure losing everything you know by taking a gamble.
You aren't the first to think like this. Here on JWN, thousands of people lived the life you live now. They had the same questions, the same doubts, the same fears.
There is no pressure to come forward. Please. See first hand that many here have moved on from the stigma the Society brands you with. Many endure the hardships you will face and are better people for it. Many are also going through exactly what you're going through, looking for an escape.
We understand you. We sympathize with you. You are not alone in this.
If you need help, there are many here willing to help you. There are some here dedicated to just that:
www.aawa.co (Advocates for the Awareness of Watchtower Abuse) run by John Cedars and Richard Kelly.
www.jwstruggle.com, an advice and help site run by JJ
If you need education, there are many here willing to educate you. There are some here dedicated to just that:
www.jwfacts.com, a comprehensive information site for all the things you wondered about but were discouraged from asking, run by Paul Grundy.
www.watchtowerdocuments.com, an information site run by one of the most prominent public faces of the Watchtower survivors, Barbara Anderson.
We are here for you and here when you need us.
~Ryan Arko