Dealing with JW family

by Laika 6 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Laika

  A little update on my life: A few months ago I was sure I was going to be disfellowshipped as my Mum told me that my Dad had reported my apostasy to the elders. However, nothing has come of this so far in about 2 months and I am very relieved! I am not sure if it was because the report to the elders was just an empty threat to scare me back in, or because they reported me to their local elders and now that I am a member of a new congregation those elders decided they couldn't be bothered to pursue me. Regardless, I am pleased that I look like I have avoided the disfellowshipping.

  My Dad had not talked to me in over 2 months since I told him I did not believe in his religion anymore, but earlier this week he visited my city for reasons unrelated to me and we met up. He was friendly, and said very little about the JWs, but he did bring it up eventually. I took the tact of responding as little to what he said as possible, I think in future I might feel more confident about challenging him, but right now whilst I am trying to rebuild our relationship I don't want him to feel threatened by me. Though it is frustrating because from what I heard from my brother-in-law later he seemed to feel my choice not to respond to his arguments was down to an inability to refute them...

  Whilst I know you have to take into consideration different personality types, for those of you who still have contact with JW family, I wonder what is your general approach with talking to JW family about their religion?
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  jgnat

  With hubby, I alternate my approach. When he is in the middle of a rant, I don't react. No use trying to argue with the cultist. He's a natural brat, so when he is most himself and looking for a fight (there's a reason he married a woman with spice) I'll give him an earful. I am real, natural, and speak from the heart. He is not logical, so I don't bother using logic.

  I try and follow Steve Hassan's principles of speaking to and encouraging the natural person. Because of this, I don't think it can be a one-size-fits-all approach.

  By the way, I spent years establishing my trustworthiness, to the point where hubby will ask me about a point of doctrine, and he accesses this board for information he can't get through "authorized" channels. So when last week's article came out and he was completely stumped, I reliably told him not to worry about it; it is confusing!
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  Laika

  Thanks jgnat, I was hoping you'd respond! Must get a copy of Steve Hassan's books, is there any in particular you recommend?

  On another note; it's funny to me that you say you're husband is not logical, funny because growing up JW I was often told only men could be elders because we were logical, whereas women were emotional. I would love to be around if an elder tried to sell you on that one!
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  zeb

  Once again the 'elders' are used as nazis to threaten. This is tragic.
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  jgnat

  Hah. When I get on one of my rants, hubby fantasizes about pitting me against an elder, just to enjoy the sparks! I told him he might just get his wish, if an elder ever ticks me off. The logic comment might just do it. But often stunning stupidity shocks me mute.

  Then again, I religiously avoid elders and meetings. I've developed an allergy. Highly contagious. achoo.

  Which book of Hassan's? Since none of them really profile the Witnesses, I think any one will do. It's more about absorbing the principles. Hassan would likely encourage you to buy his latest.
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  whathappened

  Yes, I am reading Steve Hassons book also. I went about things all wrong with my daughter. Should have soft sold ttatt. I thought she would see the BS of JW's clearly if I just pointed it out to her. Instead she took a defensive stand. Still hoping for a happy ending for all of us.
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  wandasoo

  I just don't talk to my husband very much. I can go two or three days without saying a word to him. He has told me he doesn't trust me, resents me and knows by heart condition. All of this happened after I found his patient advocate form. My name not on it and I never knew they had such a form. When I left in 1984 we only had a blood card. This marriage is over, just waiting for the right time to leave. That is how I deal with my JW hubby.