--My wife has this as a ringtone on her cell phone, so I can't get the darn song out of my head. Thus, I had no choice but to lampoon it. In order to do so perfectly, I knew that making seven verses--rather than six, which would be handling the matter imperfectly--was not only necessary, but wise. Let us all heed the solemn words of this Memorial parody song.
Jehovah, Godfather in heaven
Oh this is a sadistic night!
It was Nisan 14
And how gory the scene --
And all this to prove that you're right.
They beat up your Son very badly
While his friends left him so high and dry.
Then men cut up a tree
In the shape of a T
And they nailed up your Son till he died.
Before all that your Son Christ Jesus
Had meals with his self-righteous friends.
There was bread and some wine
They were symbols divine
Or perhaps they were merely at hand.
For thousands of years man has ate them
Expecting this man to come back
And it turns out that he
May well still be deceased
Or he may have already come back (in-vis-i-bly-y-y, why won't you sing with me-e)
We pass bread and wine down the aisle
For no apparent reason at all
Because most of us don't
Get to eat while we're home
And no evening meal's here for us.
But thankfully there are anointed
Who can eat this meal in our steads
And we'll jump every day
Just as high as they'll say
In field service until we're all dead.
We know, God, there isn't a fourth verse
But there is some more here to add.
For most anointed ones were just ousted by some
Wow, they must have made Jehovah sad!
For they're no longer of the slave class
If they do not work in New York
Then again, let us eat
For then we'll become kings
Without e'en doing half of the work
Oh, right, let's get back on this Jesus
We celebrate now that he's dead
But his resurrection is a date that we shun
All because of a rabbit and some eggs
We're glad that this meeting's an hour
We'll have veggie pizza and eat out
And we'll pass this short time
With that study who's fine
And is wearing a lovely short skirt
So now that we know you're in charge and
You'll murder us if we are bad
We have nothing to say, save that we will obey
We'll humbly attend Kingdom Halls.
I wonder if it would be an option
For us to just sit and talk this out?
But we know what you'll say
With a loud voice: "No way!
There is no other choice here at all!"
We end this song with seven verses
For we know that number is perfect
If we close one eye and look
Inside this year's Yearbook
We know some of us you'll protect
It's bird food, yes, death for the others
Who fail to just turn in their time
So we'll live in their place
Yes, their bones we'll cremate
And at last we'll be living in style!
--sd-7