I sure hope this is satire, because if it's real, it would be very scary knowing people like this are around. The Dubs are bad enough!
Love, Scully
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/
Their motto is: Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.
...and you thought the Dubs were bad....
by Scully 8 Replies latest social humour
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Scully
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Sirona
LOL!! ROFLMAO!!!
What about this bit:
It's been 20 years since we legally executed a witch on this campus, but our lawyers are working very hard with the Federal Government to ensure that we can continue to practice our religion the way the Bible tells us to. Exodus 22:18 says, "Suffer not a witch to live." Deuteronomy 18:10 says, "There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch." God is very clear here, folks, he doesn't want witches (or as they call themselves today, 'Wiccans') to live. We are supposed to be killing witches! If we don't, we are disobeying God. Jesus would weep tears of joy if He leaned down off His cloud and sniffed up the burning flesh of a witch this Halloween. Wouldn't that ruin Satan's little birthday party! Praise God! It's just a shame that the United States Government has placed restrictions on the Biblically-mandated practice of witch burning. Now we have to waste taxpayers money to have old Mrs. Delaney sit out in our jail for practicing witchcraft. She had poor little Christian girls coming into her house to get cured of their colds! Did you know how she did it? She was putting toads in their mouths and transferring the sickness into those vile creatures! After the toads crawled out from between the sweet lips of those precious children of God, their little frog snouts would be sneezing so loud it would wake a demon! It's witchcraft! And it happened right here under our noses, at the last real Christian church in America! That cackling old whore would even make it rain every time she gave her cat a bath! That devil's harlot has no business breathing the same Christian air we breathe, yet we have to keep her alive in our own jail until the "so-called" Federal Government allows us to burn her at the stake. You wouldn't believe the paperwork required to make something like that happen today. But it will happen. People in America are getting serious about God again. They are starting to read the Bible again, and starting to come around.
Sirona -
ChuckD
What is very interesting about that site (which IS a parody) is the number of times that mainstream news outlets get hold of something from there and show it as real.
While visiting there, be sure to read the section of real emails that they receive from visitiors. The majority of them have no clue that it is a parody, and take them to task. The letters are a riot.
cd
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Scully
We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!
Love, Scully -
revdrjohnson
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/ameri.htmlThe Landover Baptist Church® is a satirical newsletter/website published by Americhrist Ltd.
PHEW!!!
Keep the Faith
RAY -
Xander
Jesus would weep tears of joy if He leaned down off His cloud and sniffed up the burning flesh of a witch this Halloween. Wouldn't that ruin Satan's little birthday party! Praise God
Hey...HEY...wait a minute!! That doesn't sound like fun!!!
Anyway, I love that site. I'm a bit fan of satire. Landover Baptist, The Onion (which the regular media manages to quote regularly, too), and SatireWire (which, strangely enough, EVERYONE can tell is satire - I liked their Segway coverage ) are just great sites.
Xander F
(Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America - Ohio order)A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
--George Santayana -
Fire Dragon
I had the misfortune of being sent to an all girls catholic high school. (All girls...hmm, okay, it wasn't so bad after all ) Anyway, there was a shirt I always wanted to buy and wear to school on casual days. I esp wanted the nuns to read it.
All black shirt with teeny-tiny white writing that said:
"Nosey little fucker aren't you?""...if there is a hell, I'll see you there." (NIN - Downward Spiral)
I'll be the one providing the fire.
