A Common Scenerio

by Prisca 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  Prisca

  This was posted in one of WOL's forums. Sadly it is a commn theme in many congs these days, and I wanted to post it before any of the WOL mods had a chance to edit it (snigger)

  Ok, I need to put my .02 in on this one.
  First let me give a brief summary of my situation so you can have an idea of where I'm coming from. I'm married to an extremely inactive brother - no meetings except Memorial etc, his parents are in the truth but in a different congregation. I have family members that are in the truth but they pretty much ignore me because I take no pity on my "poor, pitiful" twice DF sister (baby of the family). I have been battling depression and a feeling of worthlessness for number of years and to be honest, for a long time I wasn't going out in service the way I should though the desire was there. I also have 2 wonderful kids 10 & 13 who love Jehovah very much and are really "making the truth their own" (13 yo will be announced as an unbaptized pub next Wed night!).

  So, on to the experience I have had in 2 separate congregations - 1 very cliquey, the 2nd made up of a LOT of old-timers in the truth. We rarely if ever have gotten invited to any social events whether its out to eat, to someones house, etc. Is this because of my husband? Is it easier to not include us than to figure out whether or not to invite my husband? He probably wouldn't come if the purpose was to study the WT but he would love to socialize and it might even draw him back. Are we excluded because I'm not one of the strongest publishers in the congregation? Because I have kids?

  I can tell you from personal experience, excluding/shunning weak ones only serves to make them weaker. It's natural to want spend time with people that you have something in common with i.e., married couples w/o kids, couples with kids, older couples, pioneers, elders etc. Unfortunately there is a whole group of people on the fringes that tend to be ignored because we don't quite fit in. We have time and time again been admonished to take care of the widows and orphans and they usually are taken care of but lets not forget those that are spiritual widows and orphans (like me and my children). Boy, I sound whiney don't I? Yikes, I don't mean to be.

  It's also easier for a weak/tired one to ask for help (spiritual or physical) from someone they feel a kinship with. If we avoid associating with those ones then how are we ever going to be close enough for them to feel comfortable asking for and/or accepting our help.

  I guess I've rambled on long enough and I'm sorry if this post makes no sense. I've had a long tiring day with many hours before I sleep.

  -----------------------
  Peanut

  
  (Emphasis mine)

  How sad! I know many on this DB are aware these things go on, but I also hope some ACTIVE WITNESS who is reading this will consider what is said by this poor sister. She is not the only one this happens to. I know, cos I've been on the outer too. As a child of a single parent (through death) I've been there, done that. It happens way too frequently in the congregations, I'm afraid.
• 

  ZazuWitts

  Dear Prisca,

  Truly a most interesting post - thank you for sharing.

  Bottom line is one can't help feeling for this 'sister.' It's disheartening and hurtful to be one of the 'outs' - no matter what the reasons. Little acts of kindness would be so much appreciated by someone in her position.

  Yet, I noticed that "peanut" herself, indicates she takes the hard line w/ her twice d'fd sister - and that her own JW family members aren't happy with her attitude. Interesting, eh? She's hurt by the fact that she and her husband aren't included in socialization outside the KH, when she describes both as being 'weak' and pleas that such ones need more attention - and she is right on this point - but we all know this, sadly, isn't the way it typically works.

  And, to me, the most poignant statement she expressed was her feelings of "worthlessness and depression." She definitely needs some caring 'brothers/sisters' to reach out, and help her with her struggles - so, I, too hope that your post will alert the active JW's on this forum to be on the lookout for such as 'peanut' and extend a little human kindness to like individuals.
• 

  ZazuWitts

  P.S.

  You mentioned posting this message before the 'WOL moderators' had a change to edit it on their forum - do they do that? Zeeesh, if so, what for?
  ....just so the bORG doesn't look bad??
  Ah, why should I be surprised, after all they have the role model of the WTBTS changing their wording in the bound volumes, when they have made 'stupid' statements in the monthly WT's.
• 

  Frenchy

  extremely inactive

  
  Isn't that an oxymoron? Anyway, I am not without compassion for peanut. However, she may very well want to take some of her own advice and apply it toward her dealings with her sister as suggested by Zazu.
  Perhaps she is missing the point of why Witnesses associate in the first place. They do this to 'build one another up" which, when translated, means to strengthen the bonds of commonality between them to make them 'better Witnesses'. Instinctively their conditioning will compel them to draw away from anything and anybody that does not contribute toward that end. Reality is to be avoided at all costs.

  -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-
• 

  DriveslikeJehu

  There's a few cases of this in my hall, too. One of my best friends has a father that just never got into the truth. But everyone in the knows the family so well, they make sure to invite the father too, which I think is pretty good. I especially liked it when my friend and I shared a graduation party(even though we both hated all the attention), and we got to spend a lot of time together setting up.

  Another good friend I have moved here last summer, and we hit it off pretty quick. We had lots of hobbies in tastes in common. After a while, I got to meet her dad, who is inactive. Really nice guy. We ate dinner, and we talked about cool recipies we'd like to try, among other things. I don't know if the father will come back or not, but hey;Now I've got another cool 'rent(teen slang for 'parent.' I hope you appreciate the space I saved by using this abbreviation!lol) to talk to.

  Those two cases helped me get better about that, because sometimes it might be hard to remember the people that could especially use some encouragement at a social gathering. If I ever get one together, I'm gona say "Forget all the strong kids! They can stay home and watch tv. All the ones that need encouragement can come over and eat my food!"

  Edited by - DriveslikeJehu on 10 February 2001 22:52:55
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  claudia

  Prisca, I was going to post that last night but was too tired, lol. Its unreal.