Can forgiveness benefit mental, physical health ?

by Valis 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • Valis
    Valis

    Rrofessor analyzes grudges
    SMU educator believes forgiveness can benefit mental, physical health

    04/24/2002

    By LEIF STRICKLAND / The Dallas Morning News

    At the start of each semester, Michael E. McCullough treks across Southern Methodist University, posting his fliers between car-insurance ads and rental notices.

    "Have you experienced a traumatic event in a relationship in the last seven days?" the fliers read. "Then call this number."

    Dr. McCullough is best known around SMU for his popular class, "Psychology of Religion." Among colleagues, though, he's known for his research on the art and science of forgiveness.

    Since his days as a graduate student in Virginia, the 32-year-old associate professor has spent hundreds of hours studying whether forgiveness can improve a person's health. His hypothesis: Holding grudges can damage a person's health – and, by contrast, forgiving can contribute to mental and physical well-being.

    "There are clearly things that go on in people's heads that mitigate the effects of the ugliness of life on their health and well-being," Dr. McCullough said. "What we're asking is, 'Could forgiveness possibly be one of those things that helps buffer people from stresses and strains of life?' "

    Students in despair

    In his current study, he is using heartbroken SMU students who respond to the fliers. They come to his lab every other week for 10 weeks to talk about their recent traumatic event – usually a breakup or a fight – as he measures their pulse, skin conductance and hormone levels. He uses that data to determine the health effects of letting go or of holding a grudge.

    Forgiveness research is painfully relevant in today's world climate, he said. It's also full of potential.

    "If we can really get an understanding of the connection between forgiveness and health, in individuals and relationships and communities, then we can then move on to determining how we can use applied psychology to take advantage of those insights," Dr. McCullough said. "We help people get further along the road to being more forgiving, in the service of keeping them happier and healthier and keeping our communities running better."

    In other words, he's seeking to validate scientifically the cross-cultural tradition, found everywhere from the Bible to Deepak Chopra's best-sellers, of forgiving and forgetting.

    Dr. McCullough took an interest in forgiveness almost a decade ago, when he was a graduate student at Virginia Commonwealth University. He was inspired by a case study that two of his professors – including Dr. Everett Worthington, the dean of the psychology department – had done on the topic.

    "Mike came back and said, 'This is what I want to do research in,' and he basically dragged me kicking and screaming into it," Dr. Worthington said.

    Dr. Worthington, Dr. McCullough and a dozen or so other scholars nationwide forged ahead in forgiveness research over the next few years, publishing studies with such titles as "Interpersonal Forgiving in Close Relationships: II. Theoretical Elaboration and Measurement."

    The research initially was isolated to small academic circles, Dr. McCullough said, and "then it started to snowball around 1999." That was the year that the John Templeton Foundation, a nonprofit organization that funds scientific inquiries into spirituality, helped start the Campaign for Forgiveness Research.

    The campaign, of which Dr. Worthington is executive director, now funds 27 projects worldwide, including Dr. McCullough's. Others include "Forgiveness and Reconciliation in South Africa," "Corporate Culture, Downsizing and Forgiving" and "How Chimpanzees Process & Overcome Socially Negative Events." (Early results suggest that apes are not, in general, forgiving.)

    In addition, several mass-market books on forgiveness have been published recently, putting the issue "onto the breakfast table," Dr. McCullough says.

    Now, Dr. McCullough and his colleagues are working to expand the scholarly literature on the "slippery" subject.

    Personal application

    He said his personal experience with trauma and forgiveness is not as deep as some of his subjects, but that doesn't make him any less fascinated.
    "I'm probably one of the people who, if you looked at my life, you'd say it's been a pretty rosy life," he said. "My parents love me, my wife loves me. Not much stress or strain. I was lucky enough to go to college, graduate school. I'm probably one of the least equipped to talk about the utility of forgiveness in dealing with the ugliness of life, because my life has been such a primrose path.

    "But it is something that I strive to bring to my everyday relationships ... and, in a wider context, I believe it has enormous potential."

    Heaven knows its hard to do, and I think I'm personally way too sarcastic for any forgiveness any time soon, but what about you all? Hvae you tried approaching JW relatives or old friends and forgiving them? What was the result, as in did it do you any good, or just agitate your feelings further?

    Sincerely,

    District Overbeer

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Very interesting post , Valis. I have asked myself this many times. My father has basically, been a total shit to me for the last 15 yrs . Mind you , he is a very active, JW Minsisterial Servant. The one and only reason he is not an elder anymore , is because of events that happended 15 yrs ago.
    He is suspected of having something to do with the death of my mother.
    Although it was a suicide, the whole circuit( yeah real big stink)
    holds him accountable for the way things went down for her. My mother was addicted to prescription pain pills , went to rehab. Dad cheated on her with a much younger sister, left mom , and went to live with the other woman. She is only 8 yrs older than me. So dad lost his postition and all 3 were d/f. Mom is out of the picture, by her own hands now. Dad marries the woman, and for a year or so , they wait to get reinstated. They get back in. He goes to working his way back to the top. But he pissed some people off in the past and they are more than to glad to make him pay now. HEHE There were so many years I had D.O. and C.O.'s wanting to know the details having long
    discussion with me about him. I for so many years tried to cover over how my dad treated my mother , sister and me. Not to mention
    all those he delt with as an elder. Finally , yrs down the road, I decided to accept that he would not change. He continues to pretend to be something he is not, namely a loving father and christain. I had to say these things so you will understand , the things he has done. I swear I am not one to hold a grude. If someone hurts me, and is sorry and trys to make it better, I will be the first one to say ok
    it is forgotten about, lets move on. But my dad has never admitted to anything . He countinues to hurt me by his indifference with me and my children. I begged him for his attention too many times, and the door was slowly shut in my face as he watched me cry. I faced the fact that it was over. I was just sick , yeah physically too, from the pain of having this unresolved issue in my head . But my husband helped me to see, that you dont have to forgive someone, if they are not sorry for what they have done or are continuing to do to you. By thinking of it in that way, I was able to forgive myself for not forgiving him. My door is open to him , but I doubt he will ever change , this late in the game and out of pride. I am trying very hard to not let this grudge effect my life as it once did. Leaving the JW has helped me so much , since I dont have to run into him at the assemblies and watch him act like we are one big happy family. I have walked away . I guess I could thank him for being such a shit, because that only made me want to leave the JW even more.

  • Scully
    Scully

    I believe there are mental, physical, emotional and spiritual benefits from extending forgiveness. By carrying anger with us, or holding a grudge, we let the event(s) that hurt us continue to control us. Forgiveness and letting go of the anger helps us to move on. It allows us to be in control of our emotions instead of letting the emotions of anger control us.

    Consider the following Continuing Education course for medical professionals on the topic of anger management:

    http://www.medceu.com/course-no-test.cfm?CID=312

    Many of us cannot forgive those who have trespassed against us.
    Something below the level of our conscious awareness prevents us from relieving our residual anger by forgiving the other person and we then carry a grudge in our hearts for thirty years! This unresolved anger poisons our relationship with our friends and loved ones. It even spoils our relationship with ourselves! We make our own lives mean and miserable instead of happy and full. Very often the feeling is, "Why should I forgive them? What they did was WRONG!" But, is forgiveness for those who only do us right? Most people have a hard time forgiving others simply because they have a wrong understanding of what forgiveness is! When you forgive someone, it does not mean that you condone or are legitimizing their behavior toward you. To forgive them means that you refuse to carry painful and debilitating grudges around with you for the rest of your life! You are "refusing" to cling to the resentment of them having done you wrong. You are giving yourself some immediate relief from your OWN anger!

    To forgive, then, is an act that we do on our OWN behalf.
    It has nothing to do with "lifting" the other person's sin! You are not doing it for their sake. You are doing it for yourself. This is a choice you are making on your OWN terms in order to relieve your OWN pent-up emotions.

    Something to think about!

    Love, Scully


  • Satanus
    Satanus

    I agree that forgiving and letting go of anger is a healthy thing to do. On the other hand, i believe that letting the asshole who caused the pain back in your life is generally a mistake. I believe that 'forgetting' should not necesarily be included w forgiving.

    Perpetrators love using the bible as a club on the heads of there victims, 'you gotta forgive me'. Is this fair to victims?? I don't think so. Often, the perps were in a power position when they abused someone. I say, forgive them, but don't forget. Little thoughtlessnesses between equals such as friends is a bit different.

    SS

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