Why I can never escape abuse...part 4

by KariOtt 8 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • KariOtt
    KariOtt

    In 2002 I was diagnoised with thyroid cancer. It was growing fast. My thyroid was removed and treatment started. While in the hosiptal I managed to be exposed to MRSA. Not fun. By the time they figured out it was MRSA I was close to death. I was told I had a week left as it took way to long for my primary care doctor to figure out that I was post op and that maybe I had a post op infection. When I was told that I had waited to long to get treatment and had a week left. I looked at the doctor and saidthat wont work for me. He said most people feel that way. I said that I just bought a carton of Marlboros and it would take me longer than a week to smoke them all. He said quit. I said why with a week left. What am I going gain 2 minutes. No doctor you're going to save my sorry ass and earn your education that you'll most likely go into default on your student loan. 35 days later I walked out of the hosiptal. Since the MRSA attacked my colon they had to operate on my colon. They took out over 3 feet of my small intestine and colon. They also removed my apendix and I was left with a colostomy for 4.5 months. over the next 4 years I would hav a grand total of 6 surgeries spending over 180 days in the hosiptal. My main incesion wouldn't heal or close for 2 years. I had a visiting nurse come every day to debreed, clean and re-bandage my wound. Durring this time my son was diagnoised with Anti Phosphlipid Antibody w/lupis colgulant Syndrom. Proitine S deficentcy. Poritine C deficentcy. Basicly his blood clots to much. I lost count as to how many blood clots he's had. I know for a fact he is not complient with the blood thinners he has to take. I have witnessed this. He's had several heart attacks and a stroke. He wont work. He wont do the work to file for disability insurance. He has over 2 million in unpaid medical bills. We no longer support him so he told me I was dead to him. When he trys again to get money out of us he reserrects me again. When we say no its time to get a job and support your self I am dead again to him. I've been reserrected and killed more times than Stefano Dimera on Days of Our Lives.

    Just a few months after I got married my hubby took a job flying an air taxi between the islands of Siapan and Tinnian. We both lived out a dream there. My hubby's getting paid for his passion. Flying. Me, living on a tropical island. It sucked for both of us. After 5 months my son gave us a reason to come back to the states.

  • KariOtt
    KariOtt

    I decided to give my son my home in Vegas and my car. Both were paid off. His only expenses were food and HOA. We were still paying his car insurance, cell phone, homeowners insurance, and utilities. He spent his money on his wants and not HOA or food. The HOA was going to put a lean on my home.To keep them from doing that we needed to return to Vegas to fix what he had done. My son abandoned Vegas and talked my dad into letting him live with him. When he would run into my friends there they would ask how I was. He spred malicious lies about us telling them that my hubby was beating me and that I kicked him out with only the cloths on his back. There were several other lies about me he told my friends. I herd these lies from more than 1 friend. Since most were aware of my abuse history I sent out an e mail to all my friends explanning that my son was lying and what really happened. I sent my son a copy. He went postal. But my friends were releaved that I wasn't in any harm.

    part 5 tomorrow

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I'm trying to get inside the head of your son, what motivates him. This does not excuse his behavior, but understanding him will help you come up with a strategy on how to manage him.

    What would it be like to be a twenty-something young man with a debilitating chronic disease and an impossible debt load? If I were him, I'd be a complete hedonist. There is no reward in being a good citizen. He'll never come out from under his health debts.

    On top of this, he has a sense of entitlement. If one enabler won't help, he switches to another.

    Could he have a trustee appointed, to take care of his health insurance at least?

  • KariOtt
    KariOtt

    jgnat..... I have no idea why my son is the way he is. He sure didn't get it from me. I worked 16 hour days 6 days a week to pay the bills. My whole family has a strong work ethic.I suspect he also suffers from munchinhouser. He lovees all the attention he gets with every blood clot he gets. He quit seeing one doctor because she accused him of it. Since we no longer support him he slams me every chance he gets on facebook. He's a habitual lyer to the point that If I didn't actually no his name I wouldn't believe him. If he's talking he's lying. Plain and simple. Since he doesn't think he has a problem seeing a therapist wouldn't ever work. I had him in therapy a few times and every therapist told me they couldn't help him until he starts being honest with him self and others. He's in his late 20's.

  • gma-tired2
    gma-tired2

    Kari you mentioned your son has lupus. One of the symptyms of lupus is chronic exhaustion, this may contribute to his having a hard time handling things the average person can handle no problem. Lupus also damages internal organs. Many symptems of lupus are not visible to others and come across as laziness. Please check symptoms online he might just not be able to work at a job in a normal manner. BUT you are right in that his grandfathernis an enabler. Best Wishes Kari you have so much to deal with in your life.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    My son is diagnosed Schizophrenic. When he was in his twenties he had delusions of grandeur, got involved in drugs, got involved in the wrong sorts of people so of course refused treatment.

    It took six years before I could grab my moment and get him committed. He was in for the thirty days, but it was enough to turn his life around. He came to terms with his diagnosis. He admitted to his drug problem. He accepted help, kicked the drugs, and today is a model citizen who calls his mother daily.

    I won't diminish your son's problems, but I am suggesting that getting to the root of his issues can help you come up with a strategy. If the strategy is "stay far, far away", that's fine. At least you will know why you are doing it.

  • KariOtt
    KariOtt

    jgnat... I stay far away from him. I never answer the phone when he calls. When I had facebook I refused to accept his friend request. He deleted me from his friends. I have instructed my dad not to inform me of anything he is doing or his latest health crisis. My dad has also been instructed not to tell him anything that is going on in my life. If he were to die tonight I could still sleep. He is dangerous to me. Until he realizes he has a problem and that 2+2=4 and not 5 therapy wont help him. I'm not going to waste my time hoping he will change. This may sound cold but I have to protect myself.

    Go a head everyone and rip me up for my decision.I know you will.

  • talesin
    talesin

    I've been reserrected and killed more times than Stefano Dimera on Days of Our Lives.

    okay, I laughed my head off at that one!

    The Force is strong with this one!

    Keep on, Kari,,,,,,,,,,,,, you are amazing. xoxo

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    KariOtt, I've made similar tough choices. No ripping.

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