Relationship with fellow fader?

by Kool Jo 7 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Kool Jo
    Kool Jo

    I'm just curious....what would be the pros and cons of dating or even marrying someone who is fading or fully aware of TTATT?

    Although I'm not in this situation, I've always wondered about it...for example...you're reaching near that age, your parents, friends, family members, others in the congregation are giving you hints that it's time for you to get married...you don't wanna marry anyone that the congregation/parents recommend because they're fully indoctrinated, so you make up some excuse that you're not ready blah blah blah, even though you long for companionship....you then meet a fader or someone who knows that the WTBS in crap...what would be the pros and the cons...and could it work?

    Peace

    Kool Jo

  • Finkelstein
    Finkelstein

    Probably not a good thing to do since people invariably can change from one day being a skeptic fader to a full blown devouty later on.

    Which could create some unpleasant experiences down the road.

    It all has to be measured carefully to evaluate just how much this religion has permeated into this person's psychological mind set.

    Such as watching out for some to say " OH I know its the truth, its just that I cant commit to it right now ". red flags big time ........

  • AudeSapere
    AudeSapere

    There is always the risk that the one of the people will return to the org. That would be icky.

    But I think the bigger problem is that while each may understand where the other is coming from, they both will likely have the same weaknesses. Probably better to find a compassionate 'worldly' person with a different life history and outlook so you can each temper and support the other. I think there are better personal growth opportunities when we connect with people who have a different background than our own.

    Also, many 'worldly' people are likely to be more tolerant and understanding than people raised in a high-control group.

    -Aude.

  • blondie
    blondie

    I have seen too many cases on this board where a non-jw married a df'd or da'd jw or a fader and that person decided to go back and the non-jw was stuck. I can't even imagine if two fading jws had the same issue, because the other fader knows more than the non-jw.

    I would talk to them about why they are leaving and if they would go back and why.

  • anonymouz
    anonymouz

    Sure it could work. Even so-called "worldly people" have respected that marriage arrangement in certain cases. The "devout" JW marriage success record is no better, maybe worse.

    And honestly we must see JWs today are now becoming proponents accidentally from guidance of purposeful leaders providing valid lawless evidence that is:

    (2 Peter 2:1-3) However, there also came to be false prophets among the people, as there will also be false teachers among you. These very ones will quietly bring in destructive sects and will disown even the owner that bought them, bringing speedy destruction upon themselves. 2 Furthermore, many will follow their acts of loose conduct, and on account of these the way of the truth will be spoken of abusively. 3 Also, with covetousness they will exploit you with counterfeit words. But as for them, the judgment from of old is not moving slowly, and the destruction of them is not slumbering.

    THAT is wat the Bethel of today is, reproachers at global scale. And it is policy now.

    Thus marrying a "devout" JW in today's Bethel system is marrying a member of the actual apostasy which is in JWs by clearly a 37 year pattern under add-on, non-Biblical "Governing Body" dictatorial power. In effect the modern papacy of Bethel is what is actually in power "in the truth" and that is why "you will know these men by their fruitage" is growing in public view on the now dead tree of Bethel and the GB collective "pope" "body".

    So if one flees the main apostasy (Matt24:15 with also UN NGO evidence), and sticks to God, Christ, the Bible and UNDESERVED KINDNESS first, a marriage in such a state of spiritual transition preceding a "Jerusalem" judgment again, can work. Because if one truly repented, and on truly endeavored to obey the love and mercy commands, God would aid the union because God cannot be fooled if we are trying to serve him or we are not.

    In spite of Bethel organized lies, there is still God, there is still Jesus Christ and there is still actual truth in the Bible. Bethel's leadership is the problem of the blind now leading the blind JWs.

    A "fader" may actually have a far greater spiritual discernment than a whole elder body and governing body that now accepts even UN Bethel dedications as no big thing. Many faders are the actually spiritually strong, as no robot sheep in JWs is actually following Christ and God any longer, nor do the LISTEN to the Bible, they listen to non-anointed frauds in a modern papacy of Bethel above the commands of God.

    (Matthew 15:7-11) you hypocrites, Isaiah aptly prophesied about you, when he said, 8 ‘This people honors me with their lips, yet their heart is far removed from me. 9 It is in vain that they keep worshiping me, because they teach commands of men as doctrines.’” 10 With that he called the crowd near and said to them: “Listen and get the sense of it: 11 Not what enters into [his] mouth defiles a man; but it is what proceeds out of [his] mouth that defiles a man.”

    Now God and Christ are stating that to JWs, but JWs only hear Bethel ear tickling that everything is AOK. You are better off with a fader, than with a JW heading rather into judgment (Matt24:15; Dan8:13-14), and great disappointment, because when the GB and Bethel pay the divine bill of God's accounting, JWs focused on those fallible idols and organizational idol, will be greatly stumbled when those sinful men go down as an organization.

    (JWs have had their faith diverted and diffused from God and Christ unto human "bodies" as idols God will smash, and in that demolition JWs focused on these organizational idols will have their misdirected faith onto men, also smashed.)

    (Jeremiah 17:5) This is what Jehovah has said: “Cursed is the able-bodied man who puts his trust in earthling man and actually makes flesh his arm, and whose heart turns away from Jehovah himself.

    And they will, because it is plainly foretold in prophecy and principle, Bethel is lawless and reproaches God's name in a self-proclaimed covenant with him, and no people in history ever got away with transgressions of these magnitudes, with out a divinely selective judgment on the "wheat" and the "weeds". And the problem is, Bethel is the main weed patch and seeding system.

    Faders, not the congregational leaders and zombies, are the ones clearly beginning to realize this, and that it's implication is Bethel going down like Jerusalem, for the criminal lawlessness in organized and self-justified fashion. It is the same old story, just repeating in JWs as blind as any Jew in Jerusalem for the most part, a few will make it out to tell the story later. It is all simply repeating right in JWs.

  • Suraj Khan
    Suraj Khan

    I think the bigger problem is that while each may understand where the other is coming from, they both will likely have the same weaknesses.

    This is very wise.

    I don't know if we all get to choose our attractions. Unfortunately, sometimes it just happens. Or we think it happens.

    But marrying a fellow fader is fraught with peril on so many levels. Both have the same guilt in celebrating birthdays and holidays. Both can have real obstacles in sexual communication (trust me on this one) and enduring bitterness. I could see a temporary plus being having the approbation of both larger families, but that lasts only until the masks come off. At the very least, a fading spouse has the chance of 'inheriting' a normal family with normal birthdays and holidays, provided they're not batshit crazy (trust me on this one, too, please).

  • mind blown
    mind blown

    Too riskey. There's always a "big" chance of one returning.

    I returned twice in two different relationships. Ha, even my kid has returned after years of being away. Still waiting for that one to pass.

    Many times when things in life get tough, ex JW's have a habit of returning.

  • SloppyJoe
    SloppyJoe

    So I am exactly this situation. As you can see I have been a member here for many years but married a baptized witness about four years ago. I learned ttatt and that actually held me back from dating sisters. I would put many feelers out just to see where they were and if they questioned things. I probably did not date three or four girls because I knew I would be miserable. My wife i put feelers out and she responded to them. As time went on she herself would be more vocal about things she didn't believe than I would be. She ended up getting baptized out of pressure from her parents. I'm any case I have been able to talk to her and show her things that most people would have turned me into the elders for. In her case showing here the ttatt only reinforced what she had started to believe on her own. I made sure I knew she did not believe it was the truth before we got married. Presently she reads crisis of conscience on her ipad during the meetings. We make up hours for our field service report and skip meetings. Why do we go ? Both of our entire families are still in. I think it works because we both understand our situation. So it can work but I certainly agree with posts above that it can be very risky.

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