my story

uptownkat

I am a new member and wanted to share my story. I have been reading quite a few messages and personal experiences on this website and found some that I could relate to and some I couldnt. Let me start my story. I was born into a very religous witness family. My father was an elder and my mother pioneered during my childhood. Before I even started school my mother would bring me in service with her everyday. When I was 9 I became an unbaptized publisher and by 11 was baptized. Growing up in the truth was fun for me because I never knew any other life. Most of my relatives were witnesses and the ones that werent we loved just the same. I didnt miss holidays except that I couldnt go to the christmas parties. However when I was very young I always knew their was something differant about me. You see I am the youngest of 3 boys. And most boys are supposed to like girls. But that was the opposite for me. To stop beating around the bush I am gay. I kept this hidden the whole time that I lived with my parents. I never acted on my feelings at all and thought that it would change one day like it was a phase or something. Besides you all should know how the society views that subject. Well I repressed my feelings for fear of my family dissowning me like so many of you on this website have gone through. I continued my childhood and teen years hanging out with other witness kids some too good that they shunned almost everyone(I avoided them) some that rebelled against the rules and some inbetween. I was an inbetween type kid. I never really crossed the line because my parents trusted me, and I didnt feel the desire to. But I wasnt perfect. At any rate I made some really good friends who were not hypocritical at all and even though I dont keep in touch with none of them now I miss them dearly. When I was 17 my curiosity had gotten the best of me in regards to my being gay. Noone in my family ever suspected because I am not the typical steriotyped gay person. I am very "straight" acting with pretty much all masculine qualities. I ended up going to these type of clubs and met some really cool people that I am still friends with to this day. I moved out of my parents house on my own and one of cousins moved in with me.(a jw to) I told him before moving in with me what my deal was. He told me that he was shocked and had no idea and that he was my cousin and he loved me and didnt care what i did. I thought that was the greatest thing. My cousin ended up moving back to his parents house to go to school and a guy that I was dating ended up moving in with me. I dodged my family for years on this and never told anyone about him except my cousin that knew. Well one night hanging out at one of these clubs I ran into my cousins brother. Come to find out he is gay to and was hiding it from his very strict parents. We ended up being very close since we had this in common and often hung out together. Well he ended up getting caught and got DF'd. His elders were calling my house to try to find out if I knew anything which I thought was strange since at that time I hadnt been going to the meetings for over a year. He ended up getting reinstated only to live a double life (only for the sake of his family) and ended up going and doing the same things behind their backs. We lost touch and I dont know where he is now. During my relationship with this guy into our 3rd year he broke up with me. Devastated I didnt know what to do being my 1st love and all. I called my mother and she knew automatically that something was wrong. I ended up telling her and she took it rather well. This surprised me so much because my mother herself along with her parents and two sisters were all baptized at the same time when she was 11. She was a Special and Regular pioneer for many years. She told me she loved me and if I wanted help she would be their for me. She asked when I turned gay and after I told her that I was born that way it took her awhile to except. I made her promise me not to tell anyone else in the family for fear again they would reject me. For awhile she would get articles out of the awake and watchtower and encourage (not force) me to read them. Well I ended up telling my sister in law as well (a JW) and she gave me the same reaction that she loved me and encouraged me and said it must be alot to go through. My mother ended up telling a few relatives about my situation because they could all tell that I was withdrawing from them and not going to family functions. To sum my story up my family has been very supportive of me and has not to this day treated me any differant. What I realize and it seems that they do to is that no one is perfect and we all have problems and things on the inside that we deal with. My only complaint about the religion itself is some of the self righteous people that think they are perfect. But one thing my mother told me was that the only one thing or being we have to answer to is God. She told me that she believed in her heart that when Jehovahs day comes he will judge us on our hearts and who we are. Regardless of our shortcomings. That made me feel good inside because for so long I thought I was a horrible person. All I can say to any of those that may have felt slighted by someone in the truth is to remember that they are only humans. And just like any religion on earth no religion is perfect. As long as you are at peace with yourself and with god then let no one hurt you. I am telling this story not to make a point but just to express myself. I hope I have not offended noone.

SYN

Thanks for that, UpTownKat. You'll find us "Apostates" are hard to offend!

Your post could use a few linefeeds and carriage returns, tho. Just click on the "edit" button, go in there, and press Enter a few times in the appropriate spots. It'll be much more readable afterwards.

Welcome to the, uh, fold! Looking forward to hearing more from you. Quite a sizeable fraction of people on this site are gay, so you should find many kindred spirits!

Take care,
--==[SYN]==--

"Until they become conscious, they will never rebel. Until they rebel, they will never become conscious." - George Orwell

Joyzabel

Welcome to the board, uptownkat.

I'm glad you figured out how to post and thank you for sharing your story.

Any religion that is not tolerant of every sort of person, imho doesn't reflect how god views us.

Looking forward to chatting with you.

Hugs,
j2bf

ChrisVance

So since your family doesn´t shun you, JW is not a bad religion. What about all the JW´s that obey the society and shun their disfellowshipped family members? Don´t you have any fellow feeling for shunned ones?

uptownkat

Of course I have feelings for ones that have been DF'd and shunned. Both of my brothers have been DF'd including one that is DF'd now. I have been shunned myself by alot of JW's. My whole conclusion is that the ones that are judging me are nobody to me because only God can judge. I pretty much pay them no mind and feel sorry for them.

Imbue

Welcome uptownkat,
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad your family is loving and understanding. All JWs aren't judgmental and self-righteous, just most of them!

For the record: some of the best people I know are JWs!

Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

BobsGirl

Welcome to the board. I am happy to know that your family is supportive. It is sad to me that they are very much the exception in this organization.

Joy2befree, Hello!

BobsGirl

"May the work of your hands be a sign of gratitude and reverence to the human condition." - Mahatma Gandhi

ChrisVance

uptownkat, I know other xJW gay men who have families that don´t shun them. They also seem to have a "warm" feeling toward JW´s. You didn´t say that, it´s just the "feeling" that came through. I´m gay also and have a large family who are mostly JW´s. They all shun me, even my daughter. Because of this when a xJW gay man sounds apolgetic about JWs, I get a little defensive. Sorry.

zanex

having ones family support unit regardless of whether one is following the borg regimen or not is a nice thing to have. A lot of people didnt have that option. I didnt have that option.

Judith_01

One of the many facets of my husbands extended family includes a gay brother who will never get baptised but is still adament he will not "come out" because he knows he will not be accepted. Perhaps in this respect you are lucky to be able to be honest with some of your family. Be yourself.

J.

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