Interview with an apostate: Hortensia

by Hortensia 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    Tell us a little about yourself and your family.

    Divorced, no children. Two sisters, various cousins, aunts, uncles. None of them JWs any more.

    Were you a born in or a convert?

    .Born in

    Are your parents / family JWs?

    .My mother was, my father was not. My sisters are no longer JWs. All the JW relatives have either died or are out of the wtbts.

    How many generations have been JWs?

    Three

    Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)

    .Regular pioneer.

    Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?

    .I don't think I ever believed. But I was really busy studying all the time, because I got approval for being smart and having all the answers.

    Did you get baptised? When and why?

    .Eleven years old. Who knows why?

    What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?

    .Never questioned anything until I was out. I quit going because of severe depression. I just gave up.

    Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?

    .This was ove 30 years ago. No internet. The only book I read was Barbara Grizzuti Harrison's book about growing up JW.

    How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?

    I started feeling better almost immediately, so it was really quite easy.

    Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?

    .An unplanned fade, I guess.

    Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?

    .No

    How were your family relations affected by your decision?

    .Not much. My mother didn't change in her attitude to me or cut off association. My middle sister didn't care. My youngest sister was a serious JW at the time, she didn't understand for a long time but is now out of the org too.

    Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?

    .I was dropped by close friends -- who cares.

    How long have you now been out?

    Over 30 years

    Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?

    Dying - I figured I was bird food at Armageddon, and was so tired/depressed I didn't care.

    What are you most proud of achieving since you left?

    .Got some education, ran a business, taught a work skill to a lot of people so they could make a better living, wrote a few books.

    Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?

    .No.

    Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?

    .I don't remember which is which, but I am definitely glad I woke up to reality.

    Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?

    .Atheist

    How do you now feel about religion in general?

    .Religion is evil.

    Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?

    .No.

    Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?

    .I've met a couple of ex-JWs.

    Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?

    .Regular people.

    Do you tell people about your JW past?

    .Yeah, I make jokes about it, it makes for good stories.

    Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?

    .No

    How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?

    "You look tired. Are you OK?"

    Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)

    Well, I don't really care what other people believe as long as they don't preach to me. However, I find it very painful to think about the suffering of so many little children in that org.

    What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?

    No idea. But if they approach me, I tell the truth.

    Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?

    Don't much care.

    How has your life been impacted by your JW past?

    Well, lack of education, severe depression for a while, that sort of thing.

    Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?

    Not any more

    JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?

    Very harmful

    How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?

    I live in a gorgeous place, have friends, knit, read, computer, enjoy nature, that sort of thing.

    Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?

    No.

    How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?

    Except for some time spent here, none of my time is spent on JW-related matters.

    What do you think of the ex-JW community?

    Bunch of people with very interesting quirks

    Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?

    Who knows?

    Do you fear the future?

    No

    What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?

    Take it easy, explore a lot of ideas, don't go too crazy with the freedom at first

    What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?

    I'd yell at my 18-year-old self: "get out of that religion!! Go to college!!"

    Do you have any regrets about life since you left?

    Plenty, but doesn't everyone have some regrets? Mostly I have had a happy, interesting life with lots of opportunities.

    Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)

    You could google me if you knew my full name

    Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"

  • crmsicl
    crmsicl

    My favorite response to the question about responding to JW callers: You look tired. Are you OK?

  • Miss.Fit
    Miss.Fit

    What kind of books did you write? Are you still writing?

    I liked the you look tired line too.

  • cofty
    cofty

    Thanks for that. I love these Q&As

  • GromitSK
    GromitSK

    Thank you.

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    Hortensia, sounds like you've moved on to a balanced and happy life.

    Good for you!

    Doc

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    I wrote textbooks for massage and contributed chapters in cosmetology textbooks. I also did a lot of "content farm" writing for a couple of years, which was an interesting experience. I still write but just for fun, not making much money at it nowadays.

    Leaving the wtbts allowed me to do some fun stuff, traveling to amazing places, getting involved in politics, stuff like that. Also, something the questionnaire didn't really bring out was what kept me sane as a kid -- public libraries and the librarian at high school. Librarians took an interest in me and made sure I read things that would expand my mind and learn more than a JW usually would. I think that's why accepting evolution was a no-brainer when I finally got out of the org. The information was already in my head, I had read a wide variety of books the librarians considered essential. Once I could clear my mind of JW-think, I could understand what all that information meant.

  • Miss.Fit
    Miss.Fit

    What was your favorite place that you visited? Do you have a funny story or a favorite memory from that place?

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    I loved visiting China. I remember visiting the Great Wall for the first time. We Americans were taking pictures of the Mongolians who were there that day, and they were taking pictures of us. One of the Mongolians asked me if he could take a picture using sign language. I said OK so he lined up a whole bunch of tiny Chinese people in uniform to stand around me, and he took the picture. I have this phantasy of my picture being in a scrapbook in a yurt in Mongolia. "Yes, this is the giant long-nose we met at the Great Wall of China. Look how big her feet are!" Also the same day an incredibly ancient Chinese woman came up and felt my boobs - the Chinese have tiny boobs and she didn't believe mine were real until she squeezed them and I squawked.

    I have loads of funny stories about China. I loved visiting there and learned a lot.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Thanks for sharing your past here Hortensia.

    I'll be sure to tell my wife about the Chinese Boob Test!

    Best regards,

    om

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit