Ok, I will bite. Great idea Simon. I like the idea of grouping an area for these interviews.
Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
I was born to JW parents. Mom was a 3rd gen JW, (making me a 4th) and Dad converted after spending his late teens and early 20's as a hippie and hitting every single hippie spot throughout the late 60's. He became a JW after he was assurred that hell fire wasn't real. Thus, he found a new religion to transfer his guilt and angst to. I was the oldest of two brothers. My younger brother (as many of you know) took his own life 15 years ago, as he got addicted to drugs and was unable to deal with whom he really way.
Were you a born in or a convert?
Born in, with all the privileges and benefts, including getting to hold a mic before my 10th birthday! (sarcasm implied)
Are your parents / family JWs?
Before my Mom passed away, she left. Most of my family on my Mom's side are still in, and have nothing to do with me. Dad, for whatever reason, still is a JW. I have my opinions as to why. We haven't talked in years.
How many generations have been JWs?
4. Great grandparents on my mom's side were Russelites in Allegheny PA in the late 19th century.
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
Yes. I was a MS and Reg Pioneer at 19, an elder at 26, a Gilead grad and missionary at 30 (class 119. Boo Yah!) Pretty much decided that I was going to climb the company ladder in my teens. The borg did a great job of seducing an ambitious, goal oriented, well intentioned youth with "a real life".
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Looking back, no. As I came into adulthood and saw how crazy the JW's who really did believe were, it turned me off. It was so illogical. I read the bible with the intent of becoming a better person and helping other people, but never to get a supersitious view of the world. Ironically, the thousands of people I talked to in my JW career helped me so much to see the difference and variety of people and their belief systems.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
When I was 13 in June 25 of 1988. Hialeah racetrack. Why? I didn't want to waste anytime in becoming a big shot MS.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
Oh, this will take hours, but here are the highlights. It started with my brothers suicide in 1998 and how I was congratulated for towing the company line in shunning him prior to his demise. (he was addicted to drugs and Df'd for a few years). That bothered me. A lot. Also, 9/11. I commented the day the WTC fell that this was what WE were teaching as to what Armageddon would like like. I recall how petty I felt that day to be talking to people who were clearly grieving and scared, and here I was, this pompous ass of an elder, smiling, asking them if they'd like to sign up for some more.
Later on, as an elder, I got to deal with a lot of DF'd JW pedophiles. (we had a prison in our territory that housed a lot of them.) To read the letters and having to follow the Society's clearly self serving guidelines distrubed me.
Finally, at Gilead Class 119, when we got to 2 Kings 1 and 2, where the correct answers were Elijah = C T Russell and Elisha = J F Rutherford, I admitted to myself for the first time that this whole thing was bullshit.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
After I got back from Africa, I went to a book store with free Wifi and started reading up. I got CoC by Ray Franz. I wasn't shocked because it sounded like GB meetings were like every elders meeting I ever took part of.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
Oh, it was pretty damn hard. I left my ex wife a Dear John letter, along with my resignation letter, side by side. It broke my heart, even though I had a smile on my face a mile wide the first two weeks I was actually gone.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
Big and DRAMAtic. I would have done things much differently now, but back then, that was the only way I knew how. I put both letters on the table at the home of the couple we were staying with, stayed home from a social event, threw all that I wanted to take in two garbage bags and went to an apartment I secretly rented. After a couple of weeks of wavering, I fully committed to the decision. Because I didn't share any of my true intentions, (because I didn't trust any of them, esp my now ex wife) they thought I had literally lost my damn mind. Little did they know, I had actually found it for the first time.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
I didn't want that. I just wanted to leave and had no desire to get anyone to come with me. I just wanted to start over somehow.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
Since I was the number one shunner in my family before I came to my senses, I didn't chase after anyone. Still, I have had no contact with any JW relatives since I left in 2006.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
Still being shunned.
How long have you now been out?
As of this little interview, a full seven years.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Ha! Nothing particularly moral as I recall. But that isn't me, (plus I have zero game with the ladies, my best pick up line at the time could probably have been found in the Reasoning book) so I took to just working my ass off, reading, and contemplating. Plus, I came here a lot to argue, debate, and work things out.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
Great job and I am a home owner.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
I had a close group of friends that I was social with. I don't have those friends anymore. Which is ok, I haven't actually tried to make new friends. Still working on that. (no need to feel sorry for me there, that is all on me, my choices, etc)
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
No regrets at all. If you take the Matrix as an odd little ex JW allegory, I like the idea of me being Neo. Frankly, if you're into that sort of thing, all of us can be Neo. It takes a while to understand, there is no spoon.
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
This is actually a really big deal in my life and one I have been working through. I doubt I will ever be active in a religion or church. However, the quality of FAITH is something that I think is a part of the human experience. Faith and belief is also something that has been hijacked by most organized religions throughout the history of the world. I would never argue with an atheist or agnostic, because I would lose. I respect atheists. These days, I have no desire to debate the subject anymore. I have built certain belief systems that are for me alone, and frankly, no one else needs to be privy to them on this forum. To debate something I have decided upon is a waste of my time.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
Religion is a crutch. I feel a great deal of anger toward much of the religions of the world. But I recognize the utility it serves in many peoples lives, so as long as they leave me alone, I will leave them alone.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
I LOVE CHRISTMAS! ALWAYS DID! It's my favorite time of year, and now I get to celebrate it. I have no guilt at all about much of anything. I don't believe in sin.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
Not yet.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
For the most part, I don't have an inner circle. I was hurt and pretty much hid except for work for a good number of years, licking my wounds.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
I do now. I was ashamed I was ever in that sickeness for years. But I am now comfortable that this is a part of my journey.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
No animosity. I used to believe because that was my only option offered. Pity? I guess. I also realize that JW's aren't the only high control group out there, so it helps to know I wasn't the only one taken advantage of.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
Finally had one a few months ago knock. I told them I wasn't interested. And then I went back to my life. :)
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
I am still a closet activist. I just haven't found my new passion in life yet.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
Live an awesome life and be happy. It confuses the hell out of them.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
This has always been an interesting question. I think groups like JW's will always be around. Get rid of JW's, and Scientology will become the next big thing. (Wait, they already are.....) High control groups and cults will always appeal to the dis-enfranchised and those that feel they don't fit in. As far as JW's specifically, I think they are definitely on the down side, considering that we are exactly one month away from 100 years of the year 1914 as being significant. They didn't see the internet coming did they? I think they will adapt, change, and if they are really smart, get liberal. You know, like Mormons.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
Huge. I missed my opportunity to finish college (still haven't ruled that out) and being a JW, and an upper crust JW at that, caused me to inherit a superior attitude that frankly, I have been trying to change ever since I left. My mom and brother are gone, and that is directly related to their JW exposure. My dad is side ways in his head. I don't have a whole lot of what I can reference that would be considered normal. But I choose to embrace it, and I will make something unique and special out of all of this. My life is just getting started.
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
No. I can't allow myself to go down that road. Even if they did take advantage of me, I had MANY opportunities to turn back, to resign as an elder, to not go to Gilead, to not go to Africa, but I didn't. Blame isn't the right word here in my opinion. It's all about being responsible for my life. Only by embracing my past decisions can I make better ones in the future.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
Uh, depends on what you choose to look at. I definitely had two involved parents, and bless them, they weren't too crazy. I don't suffer from addictions to substances. The only curse was, I should have pursued a worldly career instead of a theocratic one. Lol.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
Work. Lots of work.
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
None.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
Not a whole lot. It is such a part of my past that I still don't know how to blend it all in. I can't simply forget about that, because that is the first 30 years of my life.
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
I like them. We all seem to have one thing in common, we want to be our own person.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
Yes I can see that.
Do you fear the future?
Usually no. I am trying to save for my retirement, and I am trying to get rich. The future is something I can control to the extent that I control my own little world. The government, scandals, politics, etc are more and more a time waster to me. I want to be around people and make an impact. Still
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Be patient with yourself. I wrote a blog several year back called Its All About Them Until We Remember Our First Name. It occurred to me that we informally called each other "brother" or "sister" without even thinking about it. Imagine, you have to figure out what your name will mean to others when they get to know you. Because in the borg, you were either a male or a female preacher.
So be patient. Also, if I could do it all over again, I would do my best to find a friend and just be weak. I never allowed myself that. (that is something I still suck at frankly) Also, even if you've been betrayed, be willing to give your heart again. You can't live in a cave of your own choosing.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
I would want to have a mentor that could talk sense to me. Being "the smart one", few feel comfortable telling me that I am being a dick. I wish I had a father who could've taught me about what true humility really is. I promise you all, I see the value in real humility now. I am working on it.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
None.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
Yes. Here is my life story.
Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"