Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
Married with a child. Live in a little city in New England.
Were you a born in or a convert?
Born in.
Are your parents / family JWs?
Parents and family yes. Husband and I irregular/inactive for years
How many generations have been JWs?
3 generations
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
Regular Pioneered after HS.
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Yes all of it. Still do actually.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
Baptised at age 17. Why? B/c I found out my younger brother was going over the questions and i knew there would be 'talk' if he was and I wasnt. Also b/c I had been saying all along I would pioneer out of HS.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
Finding out about Candace Conti and then ALLLLLL the others and knowing MY OWN was not an isolated case... got a glimpse of CoC and became more angry. Watching a faithful loved one die was also a turning point...
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
Internet
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
There was a LOT of anger. Especially this summer when I really allowed myself to read up on the history and court cases. I was depressed for weeks. It continues to be painful. Its difficult coming to terms with the fact Ive been lied to. My parents put the org (and so much more) before their concern for me. Also knowing that my whole family continues to buy into it. They arent yet aware of my current JW non-status. But knowing they will shun me and that ill have to explain the whys to my child is something i struggle with alot.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
Its been fairly quiet fade so far.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
Im just working on making myself strong enough to continue. Husband is inactive too so I dont expect too much difficulty there...
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
Not really yet.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
My family will - I dont doubt it at all.
How long have you now been out?
Irregular to inactive since 1996. Havent turned in a service report, gone out in fs or given a talk since that time. Really mentally out since the memorial in 2013. I was there, but didnt feel it anymore. Felt like an outsider.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Living a normal life- allowing my child to have one!!
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
Realizing that despite not being trained to be a drone, my child has a love for God. (It IS possible!!)
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
no.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
It was very hard. I dont regret it. Anything in life good is worth the effort.
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
I dont see myself joining another organized faith. But I do feel like I have faith. Its the org I dont trust.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
I feel religion has little to do with my faith and spirituality.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
No- its just all very new and still figuring out what things make sense and fit with my faith.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
no
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
a few ex-JWs who have been really supportive. And others just regular people. My friends are my family.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
I have yes. I also tell them Im not there anymore
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
depends on which one you point to.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
i use to hide. but now I would love for them to come by and try to encourage me. I would love to show them how happy and NOT discouraged i am! ;-)
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
support
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
thought provoking questions. once they have achieved some space from the org (inactive) introduce them to CoC. this is what a friend did for me.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
i dont believe it really has Gods backing so its entirely possible it will go down.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
I am seeing more ways everyday as memories come back. I hadnt realized how many things I accepted and repressed. In terms of the positive tho, I have a few close friends (ex-JWs) and my husband whom I might have not met had it not been for our similar starts on our lifes paths...
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
ABSOLUTELY. Parental/family relationships being so bad. Constantly fighting my own negative attitude and judgemental tendencies. Losing touch with friends I loved b/c they saw the light before me and I had to shun them like a good dub.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
Double edged sword.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
With my little family- doing things we love together.
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Only to know what my extended family is being fed..
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
none- unless you count coming to sites like this for support.
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
its been interesting and very helpful.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
possibly-
Do you fear the future?
i try not to but im a parent too....
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Take your time. trust your instincts. Its a process. If you still believe in God, keep talking to Him and grow your relationship with him. Its hard for us b/c we have been trained to see the society as our spiritual go-between. But they arent. Music has helped me alot too.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
Getting baptised.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
no
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
no
Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"