Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
I am a middle aged mother and wife.
Were you a born in or a convert?
My parents converted when I was very young
Are your parents / family JWs?
Yes both my parents are JWs
How many generations have been JWs?
My maternal grandmother was studying with the witnesses and attended meeting although she never baptized.
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
I held the position of the subserviant woman. I also pioneered during high school and then after high school graduation I started regular pioneering when the hourly requirements was 100 per month and continued for 20 years until I started a family.
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
I was a little girl, and believe everything I was told. I always had some internal doubts. Especially about the end coming.
I don't know what I believe at the present. I think deep down I still believe in God but have definitely come to the conclusion that the Bible is a book that has been tampered with and cannot be viewed as absolute.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
I got baptized at the ripe age of 13. I was always a good girl and listened carefully at the meetings and studied all the publications. But I think I got baptized because others in the congregation were doing the deed.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
Actually I believe my very young son was instrumental. The trigger was something silly. Around the mid 1990 there was an awake article on the pignata. This article stated that in making the decision whether to use a pignata or not, we shouldn't bother with their origin and only worry about the manner a tradition is considered at present.
All of sudden , I started to panick with the realization that the society changes their view. So would they change the way birthdays are viewed? what about standing for the national anthem? How would I feel after I denied normal events in my son's life only to find out later that it was accepted by the organization? What else could change?
A couple of years later in 1995 a change that literally pulled the rug right under me the generation teaching. Two decades of preaching that the "generation that saw the beginning would also see the end" down the toilet. If this was from God how could he allow me to preach to all those people something that he knew was WRONG? I could not wrap my head around it.
But I still clung to the only thing that I knew. It took a few more years until the scales fell off my eyes.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
Actually I truly and fully understood after reading Ray Franz's books COC and ISOCF.
My husband, who had figured things out a number of years prior and was waiting for the opportune time to share Ray's books , finally took the gamble and offered the books for me to read. He gave the books and a container of Tylenol . He said he had to take a few while reading Ray's books.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
Due to my family situation and not wanting to hurt my parents, my hubby and I decided to continue in limited measure to keep the calm and peace. We are still attending meeting .
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
When I finally sever ties my head wants to do it in a big dramatic exit, but I think that I will continue the slow fade. You see there was one thing that I did really well and that is success in the bible study work. In the 20 years I brough a dozen or so to baptism. I still keep in touch with many of them and their world would be devasted if I went out wiith a bang.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
Actually I have two close friends that have left. Funny they left, I I am still in.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
I am slowly sharing thing with my parents and they are realizing a lttle at a time. When the time comes I know it will not be such a shock
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
N/A
How long have you now been out?
Mentally- 10 years . Pysically, unfortunately, still in.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Actually even though I am still considered to be in, I started to enjoy life. The first thing is I went back to school and got an education. Few in the congregation knew about it. I now have a profession that I love. I also celebrate the holidays with co workers quietly celebrate my birthday and clink my glass.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
I haven't totally left yet- but the above is achievement for me
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
Sometimes I miss the excitement I used to have when attending an assembly or hearing an experience. I miss the europhia that sometimes I got at the meeting--but I realize that that was all fake.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
I am not sure what red pill or blue pill refers to. I am glad I've come to know what I know --sometimes I also feel that living in ignorance was the easier way-- But I like where I am at now. Mentally free!!! Yeah
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
I don't know what I am right now. I vacillate back and forth.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
Let's say that once I free myself from watchtower, I will never want to be part a a religious organization ever agian
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
Not at all. I just bought presents for all members of my department at work.
.Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
No. But I have met Ray Franz and have spent some time with the Andersons and have spoken with Tom Cabeen
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
I feel an affinity towards members of this forum, even though my contributions are small, I still visit often. I also have a a couple of girlfriends that I can confide in. My hubby and I have a couple of worldly friends and after years of keeping my extended non witness family at arms's length, I have worked hard at building solid relationships with these relatives that have loved me unconditionally through the years.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
I tell people that I was raised a JW.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
I feel great animosity towards the governing leaders. Not so much for the every day jw joe.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
N/A
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
A little of both
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
I find that if you let people talk , you can decipher what their doubts are and then go from there.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
It will either become more strict or more main stream. WTS is a totally different place from when I was growing up. I think that it will become more mainstream.
in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Yes
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
As little as I can. I attend some meetings
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
I love the ex JW community because we all shared the same experience in some measure.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
Partially.
Do you fear the future?
I know that I can die - but I can't stop time. So I plan to do the best every day and bring meaning to my days
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Don't do anything rash. Don't be the bull in the china shop. Take your time - educate yourself . Read Ray Franz's books. Participate in this forum.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
I would have pursued higher education a lot sooner. I would have had more children- and would have put this cult behind me sooner.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
No.