Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
Found this form so I decided to post it. (it will be interesting to re-read this in 10 years)
I'm actually not a total newby to the group. I joined under another name.
I got locked out of that account and had to create a new one.
The members section says it was 2 years ago but it feels like more than that maybe I lurked for a while before joining.
I come by the forum a couple times a year make a few posts and catch up on what's going on with the Borg.
Going on 50 been married for 6 years no kiddies.
Kicked out around age 27
Were you a born in or a convert?
Parents joined when I was around one or so.
(I was a baptised Catholic)
Are your parents / family JWs?
Dad is, mom left shortly after I was forcibly removed.
How many generations have been JWs?
Just my Parents. They were around 20 and 25 years old at the time.
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
Was a servant and a pioneer for about a year before my troubles started.
Interestingly I was dating a non-baptised girl when I became a servant and started pioneering.
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Hmm I thought I did but looking back I just believed it because that’s all I knew.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
Yes, when I was 18. Mostly peer pressure and because it was the logical thing to do.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
I had 3 or 4 things that started me questioning. Not sure of the exact order of things but heres a few of them:
Got DFed and realized I had really never “made the truth my own”
My dad rarely if ever studied with me. When he made plans to, I would find a way to sneak out of the house. After I was DFed I decided to make up for that and started researching various things mostly related to the creation book. Slowly I started to see that most of the JW arguments were full of holes and based on a lot of less than reliable sources.
One Saturday morning I was feeling especially depressed over being DFed and was praying about it. Shortly thereafter my buzzer buzzed and there were two JWs at my door. An older couple. I told them I was DFed and for some reason the gentleman offered me a bible study. I said I didn’t think he could study with a DFed person. His wife spoke up and said “yes he can because he is an elder so he would know”. We made plans to meet the next week. I was ecstatic that Jehovah had answered my prayer. My joy was short lived when the elder returned the next week, I opened the door expecting a bible study and instead he handed me a meeting invitation, then turned and walked away without saying anything else.
On one occasion I appealed for reinstatement and during the meeting one of the elders said “it’s the truth, it’s the truth, it’s the truth” and I remember wondering who he was trying to convince, me or himself.
I asked one of the elders how Jehovah answered prayers and he said that he would recall scriptures to your mind. All the scriptures that I recalled were against being a JW.
I forget what they are now but it felt a bit spiritual till I noticed the same thing happening quite frequently with Simpsons quotes. (I loved that show)
Interestingly these last three experiences were all the same elder. Maybe I should thank him for helping me out the door.
And I never knew how boring meetings were till I had nobody to talk and had to listen.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
I started at the library reading the reference material from the “creation” book. (many of the referenced quotes in the creation book are from crackpots)
I also would frequent AOL forums on my trusty Compaq computer with a whole 32 megs of RAM
I would never have visited “apostate” sites but I was comfortable talking with atheists and agnostics. Mostly agnostics, I found atheists to be just as dogmatic as religious people.
I even thought that would be a great form of witnessing once I was reinstated. (although I guess they won :-)
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
Fairly painful at first, I remember feeling guilty about what I had done to get DFed and being DFed only confirmed my unworthiness. (I gave it my all to be a JW) Looking back being DFed was one of the most spiritual things that ever happened to me. It really seemed like God was doing for me what couldn't do for myself. If I hadn’t been DFed I’m pretty sure I’d still be a struggling and depressed JW
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
Well I had gotten put on restrictions then moved across the country to a new congregation. It was at that congregation that I was DFed so I didn’t have as many close friends there. So not as dramatic as it could have been. I did appeal the DFing once and thought about doing it a second time.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
I think my mom drifted out because of the way I was treated but I didn't directly influence anyone to leave.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
Both my parents still talk with me. We were never super close anyway.
And now I go to the family Xmas parties.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
I assume so. I eventually moved back to my home area but I almost never see anyone I used to know. I have hung out with a few other people that got DFed or drifted but we really didn’t have much in common outside of the religion.
How long have you now been out?
20 years or so.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Nope, I planned on going back.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
Getting my life together, beating depression and learning to think for myself.
And I have a good job in the tech field where I get to use my brain.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
Yes honestly the fun we had is probably better than the stuff I do now although I was a teenager so real life hadn’t hit me yet.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
No regrets at all, at least not currently. Every once in a while it was tough having to make decisions for myself.
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
Not sure how to describe it. A somewhat spiritual agnostic.
(Currently reading up on the Law of Attraction)
How do you now feel about religion in general?
I have always said it would have to be something very spiritual to make me a believer again.
I don’t subscribe to anything specific but I do listen to Joel Osteen podcasts.
As for religion in general, I have a “to each their own” attitude but I think we (or future generations) will find out that the truth is something we haven't even imagined yet.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
Not a big holiday guy in general. Ok with xmas but still feel a little odd with Halloween.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
One or two meetups and a hung out with a few of my inactive of DFed friends from the past.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
Not too many friends in general, I’m a bit of an introvert. But when I do hang out it is with regular people. I don’t have much in common with the X-JWs outside of the JW background.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
Yup although it doesn’t come up so much anymore.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
I worked hard to not feel animosity. I believe that being a JW is part of what made me who I am today and feel I might be a better person because of it. I got out at a good age, 27, so I had time to start over. Mild pity for some people but maybe that is what they need in their lives.
More sadness for those that left and lost people they cared about
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
Have not talked to a witness in years. I rarely even seen them around.
I guess I do feel some pity when I see them going witnessing but thats just because it made me very anxious to knock on doors and talk to strangers.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
Support I guess although I haven’t done much of either
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
I don’t think there is any approach that will work, they need to figure it out on their own. Looking back there are so many things I can’t understand how I believed them and nothing would have changed my mind. I guess what did it for me was digging into the JW literature and the references. If I met someone studying I would suggest they do some research on their own.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
I think there are worse things than being a JW (excluding those that left and can’t speak with their families any longer)
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
Not sure, honestly I think it may have been beneficial for me.
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
Nope, worked hard not to allow that to happen.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
Both.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
Work, too much internet and television :-)
I travel to better places although probably not as frequently.
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Not so much, I visit this site occasionally just to see what's new with the dubs..
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
Not much.
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
I like coming here to see whats new and maybe a bit of a reminder of why I decided not to go back.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
Probably in the same capacity as I am now.
Do you fear the future?
Nothing out of the ordinary.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
If you are afraid of apostates research the WT using their own literature.
Think and decide for yourself.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
Hmm I’m not sure. Learn to face my fears sooner and don’t complain so much.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
Nope
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
Just here
Want to share your own story?
Please use theInterview with an Apostate: Template