Some time has passed since my disfellowshipping, and even more time since I've been to a meeting. With the stress of finally moving out, university, and work issues, I haven't had much time to reflect on my past life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and what it really meant. As I left my hometown on the bus yesterday evening, I finally had some "chill" time. Time to think, reflect, and put things into perspective. As I sat at the bus station waiting to transfer, a pair of magazines caught my eye on the bench. It was the pair of Watchtower and Awake for the month of November. To shed some light on my background, I spent the final 4 years as a JW in a foreign language field. As Nelson Mandela said, if you speak to someone in a language that they understand, you'll reach his head. But if you speak to him in his own language, you will reach his heart. Now while I've paraphrased that statement, I believe that finally reading the literature in English reached me on a more profound level. Instead of reading in preparation for a meeting or field service, I began to read and understand the points that the magazines were making. Moral values, sexting, and the qualities of God were among some of the issues covered. It dawned on me in that moment that the problem was simple; growing up in the organization, I had never read the publications for personal application. The sad fact is that few JWs read the publications for leisure. It's mostly in preparation for meetings or field service. Any other time they have is dedicated to work, personal duties, and of course, the never ending cycle of "personal study."
As with any major enterprise, the WTBTS has its flaws. Part of the reason that my fundamental beliefs were shaken was because I was an idealist. I hadn't cultivated a relationship with God at all, but with an organization. A way of doing things, so to say. I believed that I was part of God's chosen people. I sought out the best in my brothers and sisters, ignoring all of thier faults. It wasn't until I came of age that I realized that Jehovah's Witnesses are humans first. Yes, I've experienced and heard ignorant and racist remarks while with brothers. Yes, 40% of young ones my age have been disfellowshiped. Yes, the warm "brotherly love" seemed to cool off once I began to struggle out here on my own trying to make my place in this world. Even more so when I went to college. But you know what? That's fine. God's love has still kept me happy. My amazing family has been there through thick and thin. And the few friends that I have held onto, in and out of the organization, have showed me what unconditional friendship and love is.
My point in all of this is that the practical knowledge and wisdom that many of the publications contain is useful. Money issues, family matters, and Bible based answers about common problems in life. The sad thing is that many JWs rarely delve into the deeper meaning of them. What's more, many "worldly" (I detest this word now) people know these things and teach them to their children from a young age. The benefit of having a father who wasn't baptized until he was in his late 30's is that I learned a lot of practical things from him. He's had a life before the organization, so his view of the world is more balanced and he used Bible principles in his life. My mother is also an example of someone that has truly cultivated a Christian personality. In my disfellowshiped state, I've had time to really get to know myself. I've learned that a personal relationship with God is the only way one can truly be a Christian. Forget the titles; Jehovah's Witness, Penecostal, Baptist, Methodist, etc. As one famous comedian said, "Forget the messenger, did you get the message?" I feel that I've grown spiritually. I have become more loving, compassionate, and balanced in my dealings with others. I no longer condemn someone because of their circumstances, or pity them because they sincerely don't have time for me on Saturday morning at 10 am. Those close minded ways didn't lead to happiness, rather contempt, fear, and depsite my best efforts, feelings that I could always do more. In closing, those 2 magazines at the bus station helped me put things into perspective. No, I won't be destroyed in a short amount of time. It's o.k to explore my talents and abilities. And finally, if I apply BIBLE (keyword) principles in my life, I'll be alright. There may be some bumps and bruises, but I will sleep better at night knowing that my life is worth something. That I used my 70 or 80 years (with special mightiness ) for good, and lived as a true Christian. Thanks for reading.