Normal

by forgetmenot 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  forgetmenot

  Today we had a kind of family and friends get together. We went to the hog trough (i.e. one of those huge buffet places). One of my uncles and his family (plus my grandma) is JW’s. I sat with his wife and she’s trying to decide if making her oldest son (my cousin) go into running start is a good thing. I’ve done running start and she was asking me if it was a good idea. She said, “I just really don’t know. I want J____ to have a normal life” (i.e. go to high school). I was flabbergasted because if going to running start makes you not normal (whatever normal is) than I’m not normal! That was so rude. I’m normal (as normal as a kid who grew up as a JW can ever be).

  Whatever that boy does, he will never be normal. The only thing I told her that was bad about running start is that it was harder to find people to go to dances with (‘cause you don’t know who is going and who isn’t) and that at football games you aren’t quite part of the crowd (partially due to your own self; high school people are kind of annoying!). But if J____ is a JW, he won’t ever do those things anyway. The kid has no change of ever being “normal.” The things you do in high school (dances, parties, sports) to get a “high school experience,” he will never do! He will not ever be normal. Even if he stays a JW or if he becomes a ex-JW, HE WILL NOT BE NORMAL!
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  VeniceIT

  Normalicy is highly overated

  I know what you mean though. We were watching a movie the other night and well I guess it's prom season and it's theme on everthing and I just was just talking to mom about this tonight what it would have been like to be a normal kid going to HS. To play on a team go to the dances just hung out with the kids, Ahh alas I shall never know.

  Ven
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  Mazza

  I think it's interesting that your relative wants normalcy for her child. I think it's very significant. I don't know how spiritual this woman is, but to even say such a thing suggests to me, that she is thinking "outside the circle" in this instance. It would be a mine field to press her on this - but as you know - a regular person would be open to discuss what they ment by their comment, what their REAL hopes and desires are for their children and whether they are 100% comfortable with what is being provided so far.

  It's difficult though because dubs retreat into the rhetoric and what they should say and all the rest of it. I still think that her comment was a loaded statement. We left the Org when our kids were little - the prime motivator was to give them a normal life. At the time, we argued that it's all very well to play games with our lives, but now we had responsibilities to two new lives - we felt it was time to abandon the nonesense. So strong was our instinct to look after our young in a mature way, we gave up our ten yr JW habit.

  Marilyn
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  forgetmenot

  Oh, she's took with the JW's. She opened the conversation with..."I was hoping the new system would be here before we had to worry about this." Yeash...ya know?
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  terafera

  Venice,

  Boy, do I know what you mean! I never attended any of my proms.. I think it still hits a nerve. Yesterday, in the evening, my family and I were leaving the museum and passed a nice looking couple that were going to the prom (I guess the museum was hosting it). My eyes kinda watered...I never had those prom-jitters, never had a corsage or even wore a fancy dress. *sigh*

  Mazza,

  we argued
  that it's all very well to play games with our lives, but now we had responsibilities to two new lives - we felt it was time to abandon the
  nonesense.

  What perfect words to describe my feelings. I was raised in it, never baptized.. kinda sat on the fence for years.. even when my son was a few years old I never participated in any holidays. Finally I had to take a good hard look at how I was going to raise my son. I had to realize that I could never put him through the isolation that I went through. While I know there are some jw kids that have healthy social lives, it is still hard to explain why you cannot do certain things. After going through kindergarten and seeing my 5 year old (at the time) not really know why he couldnt search for candy eggs in his class, I knew I had to rethink things.

  I am hoping to give him a wonderful childhood... hopefully with some wonderful memories.

  Forgetme,
  

  "I was hoping the new system would be here before we had to worry about
  this." Yeash...ya know?

  Isnt this sad? It shows how many jw's dont and even cant think of the future in realistic terms. I know many family members who never put much thought into how they would handle things, only to find the situation fastly approaching. Then they reply with, 'wow, I was hoping the New System would be here by now.' I always say, 'well it isnt, so face reality in this world!'

  
• 

  Mazza

  terafera you said:

  After going through kindergarten and seeing my 5 year old (at the time) not really know why he couldnt search for candy eggs in his class, I knew I had to rethink things.

  I am hoping to give him a wonderful childhood... hopefully with some wonderful memories.

  Yes we really did decide enough was enough because we suddenly grew up when we had kids on board. Of course raising kid is difficult full stop. Raising them as dubs is that much harder. I guess it would be alright if they really were going to live on a paradise earth for ever and ever, but given that that's highly unlikely (impossible) - we are forced to do the best for our kids in the real world.

  Allo the best with your plans.

  Marilyn
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  Undecided

  What is normal for a teen in todays world? My daughter and my step- grandson neither had any association with the JW faith. My daughter never smoked, drank alcohol, had sex or tried drugs. My grandson did all those things to excess. My daughter was six years older than my grandson. Which was normal?

  I drove to Richmond Va the other night to pick up my grand-son, he is working with his step-dad painting bridges. He was sick ao I drove to pick him up so my step-daughter wouldn't have to drive the six hours. On the way back we talked and he has seen the problems that his behavior has caused and he is taking a different path now.
  He was telling me some of the things he had done. Had sex with 20 different girls in two weeks once and realized how lucky he was to only have caught the crabs. He quit smoking, drinking to excess, drugs and is loyal to his pregnant girl friend. I think he has learned his lesson the hard way. He is really a good person, just got caught up in bad things that so many youths practice as normal these days.

  So to be normal can be a bad thing. To be not normal as my daughter was can be a good thing. Just a few observations from my family's lives.

  Ken P.