JW friends- Who am I talking to and what do I say?

detective

Dungbeetle said this in another thread and I thought it could prove helpful to those that are still in contact with JW friends and relatives.

JW's defense of the Watchtower is merely a thinly disguised effort to defend THEMSELVES PERSONALLY.
Recognizing this defense mechanism for WHAT IT IS will be a first important step to breaking down these psychologically harmful barriers.

I was thinking that perhaps we could talk about how we speak to JW friends and, even more important, how they speak to us. I found dungbeetle's very insightful. She recognizes a psychological barrier. What other types of psychological barriers or coping techniques have people encountered when talking with witnesess?

What kept the conversation rolling?
What killed it? (and what did you do to side-step potential conversation killers?)

Will Power

Definitely never say the word Watchtower or Society.

I think they have a subconscious that prevents them from listening to something that they KNOW ALREADY. that is why they attack and or run away, turning a totally innocent conversation into a "What the hell was that all about?"

dungbeetle

detective---you have email!!!

manicmama

One of the biggest points is that they DO NOT Speak to us. They talk AT US. Ask anyone raised a dub, it's impossible to talk to your parents. It's only what you are doing wrong with your life and how soon the time of the end is. It's fruitless. Sorry to be so negative, but I deal with it first hand all the time, and my mother wonders why I don't call more often!

hawkaw

Remember Steve Hassin and always use a questioning, calm style. It drives them nuts.

hawk

Soledad

manicmama you're right on point, witnesses don't talk they dont know how to have a conversation they just know DOGMA and repeat it over and over.....

What the head makes cloudy the heart makes very clear.

We judge ourselves by our intentions; others judge us by our actions

detective

I found Steve Hassan's books really quite helpful. The questioning calm approach is great. Not always easy though! I've been talked at as opposed to being talked to, on a number of occasions.

In my friend's case, I'm pretty sure I was tuned out regularly. Very flattering, I know! However, there were a couple of occasions where I could see that I had just short-circuited the programming and things really got interesting.

In one case, i read quotes from the organization and substituted racial groups for the word "worldly people". Yikes! You should have seen the response that got...momentarily. After snatching the paper out of my hands and reading it frantically he relaxed after realizing they were only insulting "worldly" people and not blacks/hispanics/asians. The funny thing is that I had warned him I was going to do it before I did it, but since he had tuned me out, he was shocked when I put those quotes in different terms. So, I momentarily had the real person, but he quickly retreated back into the mindset of the follower.

I've also dropped some basic biblical history into conversation. Usually it got no response but I don't think it went unnoticed entirely. For example, I casually said something about how common the bible is and can you believe we know so little about the guy who put it together in the form it's in today. I wonder how he picked which books go where and if anything was left out...?

I know that my talking about how the society tells you what to think, which I mentioned months ago, obviously hit home because he kept insisting on how it was his own knowledge and his own thoughts and so forth.

Ultimately, I've run into more walls than not with my friend. I'm not in a good place with him and I'm...tired. Worn out. And I don't know if I'm going to keep trying to reach my friend or not. I don't know anymore.

But I thought it would be good to talk about what derails conversation and what encourages it because it can be helpful to others who are still interacting with witnesses regularly.

Hassan talks about authentic personality and "cult" personality. I've seen both personalities during a single conversation and it was really quite a dramatic change. Anybody else seen this?

Dungbeetle- mail? Yay!!

Siddhashunyata

Detective.....Yes I have seen the two personalities emerge within one conversation. I usually try to retrace what was said so as to find out what triggers the changes. It usually resolves to the cause being Conditioning through Abstract Symbols ie: "Gods Organization", "Worldly", "Unbeliever", "Apostate", "Annointed" , "Servant", "Disfellowshipped", "the Meeting", "the Truth" etc,etc. This has been discussed at length on this board and on other sites by some very knowledgeable people. It is always astonishing to see it and very frustrating to try to break through and "reach" the other person.

JW friends- Who am I talking to and what do I say?

Share this