Got a Prom dress?

EyesonthePies

I was in England on business last week and took the opportunity to visit my JW parents for an afternoon before returning to the London area for a flight today (Saturday)

I had a pleasant time with them but I carefully avoided certain topics. I almost couldn't resist saying something at some points but I let it pass. I was telling them about the charity shop run by a colleague of my wife. The person who runs this accepts dontated items but also buys consignment stock at ultra-low prices. Low income families buy clothes and Christmas toys etc. There are no prices on the items, people select what they want and make a donation. That way they feel that they are selecting and buying and not just given a hand-out. Anyhow, this lady last year managed to buy 40 Prom dresses from a department store at a dollar each.

Now the high school Prom is not an English School tradition. So my mom went on to relate how after the congregation book study they were discussing my son's US school yearbook and how nice this other American tradition is. One "sister" in her early 20's said she would have loved to have gone to the Prom and wished her school had held something like that. I bit my lip. I didn't say that the WTS frowns on Prom nights, Prom dates, bad association, drinking alcohol blah, blah, blah.

So what happened in your lives? Did anyone here get to wear a Prom dress (girls, I guess) or a tux? What are your regrets? Has the attitude changed at all?

Thirdson

(P.S. When I left high school I attended the award ceremony (graduation ceremony without the pomp) on a meeting night. The 2 other witness kids in my year didn't attend.

LDH

hmmm...
Good question eyes. No, none of the kids in my home cong. went to any school social event with the exception of one daughter of an elder....of course, she was 'bad association.' LOL

Yes I went to my graduation ceremony; neither my brother nor my sister did, though.

Seven

Thirdson, I attended one prom before we were assimilated, but no more cheerleading, homecoming or foreign exchange student participation(my one regret). I went to my graduation with only my father there to see me. After the ceremony I gave my Dad my diploma, cord, and tassel(wonder if he still has these)and exited through the side door. I wasn't going to explain one more freaking time to the parents of kids that I grew up with and slept over at their houses and vacationed with-why I couldn't stop over and have a bite to eat on the open house circut. What a crock.

I look at what's going on in the lives of some of the kids in my cong now and not much has changed.

larc

Back in the 50's the rules weren't as strict as they were later. I went to two proms and took a Witness girl in each case. My high scholl buddys were somewhat envious of the cute girls I took.

As 1975 approached, I thought that the rules would get tighter, which they did. That's when smoking became a disfellowshipping offense. I thought that after 1975, they would relax a bit. I was wrong on that one. They got even tighter. I think the rule of only dating someone if you have marriage intentions was a total disaster. Men in their seventies living in the cloistered walls of Bethel shouldn't make the rules for normal teenagers.

waiting

Hey y'all,

My kids were all teenagers in the 80's - South Carolina, city outside of Columbia.

All very good looking - if I say so myself. They never went to any dance, party, social, etc. My daughter asked - but we refused. Bad association and all. That was her one big regret - never having had a pretty formal dress.

However, we *made* my husband's parents go with us to every graduation, grade school or high school (if I've gotta go - they've gotta go). Afterwards, we had a party (with store bought/decorated cake, gifts and everything.) But it was all in our house.

My son was dating a *worldly* girl when he & she graduated. Her parents didn't bother to come to her graduation, buy her a gift, or anything. We had her over our house - and made sure she had gifts also. I felt bad for her, but not as bad as she felt.

In our area, until the middle 80's, a lot of graduation get-togethers were held for jw kids. One year, they even held a city-wide party for the graduates (only about 10) for a dress-up party, etc. That was the only one held. Then all parties, get-togethers stopped quite suddenly.

Seven, I don't blame you for your remembered hard feelings. Hope spring's right around the corner for you up there in yankeeland.

waiting

conflicted

I know this is slightly off topic, but it kind of fits.

When I was in high school I made excellent grades, as every JW is supposed to. As a result I was offered scholarships, grants to cover my college education. I had to deny these and never went to college as per WTBS policy at the time.

Now I find out they have "new light" on this subject, and JW kids can pursue higher education if they so desire.

What a crock!

Beware of what you deny yourself because of the WTS - they may change the rules tomorrow.

Xandit

Graduations are a big deal around here. I can't think of one that wasn't associated with a party, some of them fairly swank. All the families that I know of attend the graduation ceremonies and there are usually some others attending as well. Some do the prom thing, probably about 40%.

promqueennot

My very first post. I was very devestated when I couldn't go to the prom. After approaching my parents regarding the subject, they gave me this huge lecture on what kind of example I would set for the younger ones. As I stood my ground, I could finally see that this was yet another choice that I was going to have to make -- one that I would have to fake like it was my own (I guess I could have opted for the other choice, but back then I didn't know what I would face if I opted for the prom -- would others not be allowed to hang out with me or would Armagedon come when I was at the prom, etc.?). When my parents thought I was still going to press on, I was then bribed. But I never even received the alternate to the prom dress.

My family is no longer JWs, but it is a subject I don't bring up because I think they feel pretty bad about it. My family started "slipping away" after I graduated and my younger sister got to go to two proms, which just drove the stake in further. Very sad!

Thirdson

Promqueennot,

That is sad and an example of a whole range of "normal" activities that JW kids have to choose not to do. And then there is the emotional blackmail of Armageddon coming while doing something that could be "wrong".

At least your family are out. Despite the past, at least today and in the future you can share in good things that normal families do. I hope you parents would/could/did attend your wedding and can wish you a "happy birthday" once a year.

Best wishes to you. Welcome to the board and enjoy the sharing experience.

Thirdson
(aka EotPies)

larc

Dear Promqueenot,

I am very sorry about what happened to you. I am also glad that you are here, because this is a place of love and comfort for those who have suffered the pain of being part of a rigid, unloving "system of things."

Got a Prom dress?

Share this