I always say I do not believe in demons, but I find that perhaps I do. Not the kind that haunt and lay in wait for bad little, straying JW's to make a false move with a Ouji board, or a misthought purchase at a garage sale, but the kind that haunt a childhood, that steal souls--the scarist kind--the human kind. I was inspired by Farkel's post this morning (btw, Farkel's posts are NEVER boring) to write this, and try, once again to exorcise these demons. If I can just write about it enough, perhaps I can at least bleed off the toxins and at the most, keep the Borg from swallowing up everyone in its path by shining light onto them and "encouraging" them to stay honest. I have tried so so so hard to simply see them through the eyes of a "worldly" person. I try to dismiss my ENTIRE childhood full of a scary, LOOMING, bloodthirsty god away by saying to myself--maybe they're not so bad. Maybe I imagined it all. I try to look at the Org the way someone like my husband (who's had almost zero contact with the "witnesses"-other than a very messed up little witness girl who used to work for him). You know, to most people, the Jehovah's Witnesses are just a quirky, poorly dressed, Amway-ish Saturday morning annoyance trying to sell the public their magizines. But it's not so easy to dismiss an entire childhood off that way. We know better. They want more than to "offer you the latest issues of..." and they want more than contributions, they want your soul. They are not happy--you are not acceptable until you have melted down whoever you are inside and poured yourself into their mold of the ideal adherant--and force yourself to go out and find other souls to melt down and mold, so that THEY can go out and find more souls and so on....and even then, you are never enough.
I am grateful to this board and others like it. I am grateful for freeminds.org. I am grateful to the courageous Ray Franz, who penned and published his conscience driven book shining light on his experiences. I am grateful to god (whoever, she, he, it may be--possibly nothing more than the ever evolving human consciousness) for my 8th grade biology teacher who taught me evolution and the scientific method for looking at the world. I am grateful to you all for being here everyday. I am grateful that those "high up" in the "society" monitor this board, so that we may speak for the women, children and silenced voices still imprisoned by the cocoon of fear of the cult. I remember all the lonely, desperately suicidally depressed elder's wives (convention widows, I heard one refer to themselves one time), too afraid to speak their truths and then taking their bitterness out on others in the cong. or their children. We say what they cannot. And it reaches the highest levels. And the organization is and will continue to change or die. Never mistake how powerful we are.
I love you all. And I am glad we are here.
Love,
Bridgette
Why I, You, We keep coming back here
by Bridgette 8 Replies latest jw friends
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Bridgette
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lauralisa
Bridgette,
Reading posts like the masterpiece you have presented is what keeps me riveted.
Wow.
lauralisa
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Introspection
Thanks for that Bridgette. I read the following story from a book on group psychotherapy yesterday, and I thought it would be appropriate to post it here:
There is and old Hasidic story of a rabbi who had a conversation with the Lord about Heaven and Hell. "I will show you Hell," said the Lord, and led the rabbi into a room containing a group of famished, desperate people sitting around a large, circular table. In the center of the table rested an enormous pot of stew, more than enough for everyone. The smell of the stew was delicious and made the rabbi's mouth water. Yet no one ate. Each diner at the table held a very long-handled spoon--long enough to reach the pot and scoop up a spoonful of stew, but too long to get the food into one's mouth. The rabbi saw that their suffering was indeed terrible and bowed his head in compassion. "Now I will show you Heaven," said the Lord, and they entered another room, identical to the first--same large, round table, same enormous pot of stew, same long-handled spoons. Yet there was a gaiety in the air: everyone appeared well nourished, plump, and exuberant. The rabbi could not understand and looked to the Lord. "It is simple," said the Lord, "but it requires a certain skill. You see, the people in this room have learned to feed each other!
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Bridgette
er...masterpiece, you say? Why, thank you. I think we all have a story to tell. That is why we're here. When I read other peoples's stories, it inspires me.
Love,
B. -
Bridgette
AAAH, Introspection (you've always been one of my favorite posters, you know--anyone who quotes That Nich Han as you did in one of your posts long ago, gets an A+ in my book), I loved your quote. It's one of my hobbies to study all faiths and means by which people honor god/dess/the universe. My "studies" lately have taken me to the Judaic side of life. Oye! Those rabbis--so knowledgable. They make any sort of Christian study of the bible look like Saturday morning cartoons.
Love,
B. -
DINKY
Bridgette,
I loved your post. I've been df'd 2 years and still come to this board, and I'm always judging myself: "Why am I holding on to this resentment?" My only answer? The organization mindfu**ed me, and that is abuse. I feel like I've been spiritually raped. I/We have a right to be angry and to continue to warn/help other people.I recently got honest with myself and admitted that I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I dismissed my father's behavior for over 20 years because it wasn't actually "penetration." But abuse is abuse. Dishonesty and rationalization only hurts ME. The society also abused me, and that is the TRUTH.
Love You,
Dinky -
Bridgette
Dear Dinky,
I stand here with you, glad that you survived BOTH your ordeals of abuse. Mindrape is a good analogy for what many of us experienced. I believe writing is the most therapeutic thing we can do to heal ourselves and stay whole and sane. Here we find validation of our haunted (at worst) and utterly bizarre (at best) histories with the organization. We are like Holocaust survivors who will not let history be re-written at the hands of the WTBTS in order to blot out their crimes against humanity. Much as they'd love to shut us up and make us slink away in shame, here we stand armed with our shared backgrounds like 700 watt bulbs shining en masse right square on Brooklyn. Just keeping them honest, if nothing else.
Love and blessings,
Bridgette -
BluesBrother
"and they want more than contributions, they want your soul. ". could not put it better than that Bridgette. Well done .
This place surely is addictive, after wasting your life in the Borg, you need to know you are not the only one.
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patio34
Hi Bridgette,
Glad to see a post from you. They're always good. This was such a well written one. I liked your phrase "bleeding off enough of the toxins..." Very clever.Two days ago, i started a thread about the same subject, and if you'll indulge me, i cut and pasted my post as i think it's very pertinent and part of the reason we're here.
Some on this board have stated that many here are “bitter” and need to move on from criticizing the WTBS, even implying that there was something wrong with the mental state of ones who continue in their “attacks” of JWs.
This following seemed to me to hit the nail on the head as to why so many of us stay involved long after we’ve left the Borg. Also, even the Watchtower has stated something like, why don’t people just leave, why do they have to publicly attack JWs? The 1st and most obvious answer is that you can’t “just leave” without being defamed and possibly lose your family.The 2nd response is that the WTBS offends an innate human need. This is from The End of History and the Last Man by Francis Fukuyama. My comments and emphasis are in blue.
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------(pgs. 164-165) Thymos emerges in the Republic (by Socrates) as being somehow related to the value one sets on oneself, what we today might call “self-esteem.” Leontius believed himself to be the type of individual who could comport himself with a certain dignity and self-restraint, and when he failed to live up to his own sense of self-esteem, he grew angry with himself.
Socrates suggests a relationship between anger and “self-esteem” by explaining that the nobler a man is—that is, the more highly he evaluates his own worth—the more angry he will become when he has been dealt with unjustly: his spirit “boils and becomes harsh,” forming an alliance for battle with what seems just” even if he “suffers in hunger, cold, and everything of the sort…” Thymos is something like an innate human sense of justice; people believe that have a certain worth, and when other people act as though they are worth less—when they do not recognize their worth at its correct value—then they become angry.The intimate relationship between self-evaluation and anger can be seen in the English word synonymous with anger, “indignation.” “Dignity” refers to a person’s sense of self-worth; “in-dignation” arises when something happens to offend that sense of worth. Conversely, when other people see that we are not living up to our own sense of self-esteem, we feel shame, and when we are evaluated justly (i.e., in proportion to our true worth), we feel pride.
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We've been offended, deceived, shunned, and defamed. It's unjust and noble persons react when they've been treated like this. It's no wonder at all that many of us appreciate this venue of fighting injustice and continue to struggle against such oppression. The WTBS is a totalitarian organization with no legitimate right to "rule" so many people.